On 5 April 2003 the Scottish researchers, plus one of the auld alliance's countrymen, met up in Standing Orders, Edinburgh for the Scottish Researhers Easter Meet. As is traditional on these events a log of activity was kept so they could be recalled if sobriety ever returned. The following is that log compiled in the main by Dr E Vibenstein and Demon Drawer.

• 12:50 Suddenly realise we should be keeping a log.
•   1:00 Everyone who has turned up wins an h2g2 pen.
•   1:02   Wumbeevil lowers the tone of the conversation, and he hasn't even turned up yet.
•   1:40 The story of the time Fords was sick inevitably, er, comes up in conversation.
•   1:42 First reported leakage of alcoholic beverage.
•   2:15 Fords volunteers for wet h2g2 t-shirt competition.
•   2:25 Anyone who hasn't turned up is declared unfashionably late.

•   2:30 Group storm Edinburgh Castle.
•   3:10 Lost.
•   3:15 Found.
•   4:15  Eggy: 'I have a habit of falling over in Princes Street Gardens'.
•   4:40 Attempt to explain Jackass to Toybox (failed).
•   4:55  Jamie picks up books in pub. They are stuck together. Rip!!
•   5:30 Off to find Wumbie.
•   6:30 DD arrives (from work) not before time.
•   6:31  Zagreb asks for a large Orgasm. Barman refuses.
•   6:34 DD takes over the log with his h2g2 pen.
•   6:35 Eggy has most h2g2 t-shirts ;wins h2g2 t-shirt.
•   6:35  Fashion Cat wins T-Shirt for longest hair.
•   6:36 Fords requests a wet h2g2 t-shirt.
•   6:37 FC removes shirt¹.
•   6:42 Wumbie almost crashes into table.
•   6:45 Zagreb: 'Eggy looks like Johny Vegas'.
•   6:46 Eggy pilfers Toybox's guinness to pose as Johny Vegas.
•   6:50 FC alludes to 'Pan Galatic Gargle Blaster' - Demon Drawer points out that Edinburgh Infirmary is not equipped to deal with recovering from one.
•   6:53 Zagreb reads The Facts For Life in Russian and Jamaican accents.
•   7:00 DD starts quoting Hootoo.

•   7:01 Eggy says not to write he is going to sleep in corner again as no one would believe it.
•   7:05 Group promise to stay while Munchkin goes for some food. Eggy, EV and Tiger Susie Innuendo.
•   7:10 Innuendos fly about touching things that shouldn't have been at Edinburgh Castle earlier.
•   7:13 Fords Orgasm is over t-Shirt.
•   7:14 Wumbie screws up face at Orgasm.
•   7:19 Fords suggests a game of Truth or Dare.
•   7:19.20 Truth or Dare starts.
•   7:20 Wumbie stands on Table as first dare.
•   7:25 DD declares the spinner is biased as he answers yet another Truth.
•   7:28 Jamie spends ages trying to remember when his chin last went commando.
•   7:29 Wumbie interjects saying 'It was the last time I said it tickled my thighs'.
•   7:35 Fords asks Toybox what toys are in his box.
•   7:50 Fords kisses a Random Bloke A as a dare.
•   7:51 Wumbie gets an Orgasm.
•   7:55 Calvary return from that golden arched centre of American Imperialism.
•   8:01 Jamie admits Ann Widdecombe fantasy.
•   8:13 Eggy says how embarrassing it is to have his mother on h2g2.
•   8:15  Zagreb admits wanting to have sex with Trillian.
•   8:24 Zagreb dares Toybox to snog him. Dare is successfully completed.
•   8:25 Toybox kissed Wumbie's bald spot.
•   8:26 FC is dared to kiss Fords.
•   8:35 Eggy uses two straws to give himself a nosebleed.
•   8:40 DD admits that Zagreb is 2nd most shaggable researcher at the meet.
•   8:41 EV admits that DD is his perfect man.
•   8:44 Munchkin comes to other end of the table for intellectual conversation.
•   8:59 Blood ceases to flow from Eggy's nose.
•   9:03 DD is asked which fictional charactor in books or TV he would sleep with. He answer Pugh, Hugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb.
•   9:20 Munchkin notices what has suddenly appeared on the bars TV set. However this log is compiled under current reporting restrictions so we cannot say anymore.
•   9:22 Reports come in that Jamie is missing feared red bearded in the Edinburgh Area. More on that story later.
•   9:25 DD's pen is dropped on floor. No casualities reported.
•   9:26 Fighting breaks out at neighbouring table. No casualaties though one victim of chemical warfare is covered in CH3OH.
•   9:35 First hen parties enters the bar. Toybox says it looks like another h2g2 meet up.
•   9:40 DD gives Toybox an illustrated Geography lesson of Scotland.
•   9:42 There is a reported sighting of Jamie in the toilets by Wumbie, the ladies apparently. (This is later proved to be incorrect.)
•   9:50 Eggy embarks on research project to see why Wumbie is insane.
• 10:00 Meet decides to find an Off Licence.
• 10:02 Suddenly realise that Jamie is nowhere in the bar area and we have his coat and phone.
• 10:03 Offies are closed but still head to Prices Street Gardens so Eggy can fall over.
• 10:19 Unable to gain access to Gardens.
• 10:24 Wumbie urinates into gardens as a protest we think.
• 10:31 Meets plans Grand Tour of places to take a wee.
• 10:45 Meet enters the Guildford Arms which FC is informed did not change its name in the last year but has been named that for over 100 years.
• 11:05 DD tries to convince group about the Isle of Wight Space Programme.
• 11:10 Zagreb promises he WILL complete a Guide Entry.
• 11:07 Pondering on Jamies whereabouts.
• 11:12 Eggy promises to have one article at least into peer review before his exams.
• 11:17 Toybox wins final h2g2 t-shirt for Johnny Foreigner Competition.
• 11:18 FC wins mousemat as she will take off the t-shirt (later)².
• 11:25 EV gives DD a snog, after all Pastey was not available. EV and Wumbie leave for train home.
• 11:37 Fords texts to say Jamie has been found lying on a sofa outside her flat.
• 11:55 Finally leave Pub and head our separate ways, as Runrig plays Loch Lomond on the stereo.
• 12:06 Eggy fails to fall over; calls himself a complete and utter retard.

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