h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi all;

I sometimes (well, often actually!) wonder: do we dwell upon all the s**t in the past TOO much? Instead of focusing on what we have all achieved. Maybe this is a statement that smacks of heresy, but i am NOT saying it isn't an enormously important part of who we are BUT surely we have to eventually accept :

YES; we were abused, by life in general & persons in particular

It should NOT have happened, it should never happen & we should do all in our power to prevent it happening to any other living being.

BUT the fact that we are here at all & able to communicate means that there is hope that our innate "Survivor instinct" is stronger than the innate weakness of those who prey upon those weaker than themselves. It has undoubtedly left a "side benefit" of understanding of human emotions better than most too, which is a mixed benefit, sometimes you can analyse too much.

I think we should all give ourselves mutual "POB" (pat on back) & realise just how far we have come; "they" may have done their damndest to destroy our mind, body & spirit, but sod it, WE WON!!!!

We are all strong characters & very special people.

Well done, all of you. Keep on keeping on. We are NOT weak, we are strong!!!!!



Terri

I know what you mean, but I have been doing just that for the last few weeks, with the help of Zagreb, but Sunday changed that (see blog)

I was supposed to go to the movies, have a good day out. But I woke up in the pit. Couldn't climb out of it. I would have SI'd had I not had someone there to stop me. Still may.

Sorry don't want to be negative. There is some truth in what you say.

Yes, the problem is (for me) that when I am feeling positive, it ALL seems possible, but when i go down...as you say, IF there's someone reasonable to share stuff with, I can get out of it pretty rapidly. But if left alone.....a different story.

I am trying really hard though to see this as just "how i am" & NOT blame it on the past, since i can't do anything to change that but maybe can do something to change the present (& my reactions to it) & thus hopefully the future.

I am sick & tired (quite literally!) of being in that pit.

(i know you hate that smiley, but can't find a better one yet!)

zdt

I'm much the same way, really. When I'm doing well, I'm usually doing very well. Right now, I think I'm doing well. I'm broke, periodically lonely, quite frustrated and disappointed at things not turning out the way I'd wanted them to... BUT... not letting myself, for the moment anyway, fall back into the old pattern of giving up completely, of saying "well, there, that *proves* I'm a loser and a big fat failure".

When I get down, it can be really bad. Just two weeks short of two years ago, I hit absolute rock bottom- moved into a new flat which was a bit of a stretch on my income at the time, and then was promptly laid off work. A week later, I turned 30. What a crisis it was, being 30, unemployed, and totally destitute. My only friend at the time turned on me, after months of trying to help. She'd even been good enough a friend to call the hospital and have me forcibly committed after I broke down completely and didn't get out of bed for three weeks. And I've been worse off than that.

I don't SI anymore, at least not in the way most people would think. It's been a long time since I did that. But I still do drink too much, smoke too much, do other things to *punish* myself. But it's getting better, and it's different these days.

What has been the most frustrating to me during the past several months is that while I have been struggling to climb ever upwards, and to avoid falling back into that pit, as many people seem to resent me for it as those who support it. And that's just the people who claim to love and care about me. It really hurts when people who know me well know where I come from and what I've been through, and refuse to see me as anything other than "damaged goods", a fragile piece in a glass menagerie which must be handled with kid gloves or not at all.

Sometimes, if I get depressed, or frustrated, or really pissed off, it has nothing to do with the past, and everything to do with the present. I've forgiven a lot of the people who've hurt me, and have written off a lot of the rest as not worth letting bother me. I would much prefer to be judged for the person I have become than the person I *could have been* had these bad things not happened to me. I might not be "normal", I might not have come through life unscathed, but neither have most folks. In spite of it all, I am strong, I am successful at doing my best and at living life as best I am able, and I am doing a damned good job of it. I am *not* a victim anymore. I do not *suffer* from anything. I might be tired a lot, I might be in a lot of pain a lot of the time, but I can always find the silver lining in even the darkest cloud. I am more than a survivor. I am alive, and I am damned happy about it!

No, we cannot change the past. But we *can* change the present, and we *can* control, to a large degree, the future. And I've no intention of lying down and giving up any more. Ever.

Mort, I wouldn't dream of criticising you for feeling a strong urge to SI. I know where it comes from, and I know how much a part of you it becomes. I am, of course, concerned for your safety and well-being, but would never dream of patronizing or analyzing you. If you need to talk about things, I am and will always be here. If not, I understand and respect that. But I hope you won't mind if I'm a bit selfish and pray for you to pull through as best you can.

PC
Not only are people uncomfortable with change for themselves, it makes them uncomfortable for those around them to change.
It does not mean the growing pains are not worth it.
It just means things are thrown off balance but will stabllize again.

Sometimes people without realizing it need others to be needy ( poor- not as bright, take your pick et) when they change they do not know how to act towards them or if they are wanted or needed. It takes adjustment to know how to fit in a changed life.

Some will be left behind.
I like these words on love;
Love is the *willingness to extend oneself* whether it is for your own, or anothers spiritual growth. (Scott Peck)

If ever you wonder, that is a good measure to hold up and check what is happening. Sometimes people back off until you have completed the change. Sometimes those people are busy changing themselves. The proof of the good is unmistakable when you see, or are a happier person.

I always feel a little out of step with the survivors group because I have never suffered abuse. All my trauma stems from one week in 1993, when I had a breakdown. You wouldn't think that one week could have that much of an impact, but it was a doozy. But I have the luxury of knowing that all my trauma was an accident, and not due to malice on anyone's part.

JEllen

Well said, abbi!

PC, i know exactly what you mean. I am going through much the same thing. Yes, it's true, smoking & drinking too much are also self-abuse & we know it! But still need the anaesthetic soothing effect.

I was taken by this phrase of yours:

<<>>

Strangely enough, when i was in the (long, painful & still not complete) process of splitting with M, i worked on a "sculpture" composed of small pieces of broken glass, which i glued together, needed to balance each piece very carefully & could only do one bit at a time...patience isn't my strong point usually!

It was definitely symbolic & therapeutic in a strange way.

Keep on truckin' PC, Mort, Abbi, JEllen....& others; ALL of you; you are doing great even if it doesn't seem like it some days. I reckon we have all come a long way, still a way to go i know, but we will get there!

to all

zdt