h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thoughts and Restatements

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a label attached to a psychological condition. It has an official definition which can be found in the DSM - IV and there are any number of restatements of that definition to be found on the Web. (Follow the link on PTSD above for other links to good sources)

PTSD can result when someone experiences one or more traumas that so effect hir that shi finds hirself re-experiencing the events of the trauma over and over when 'triggered' by things that might otherwise be completely inocuous. The smell of milk, the sight of a fountain pen, flashing lights, mention of sports scores, almost anything can, because of individual association, lead back to the trauma.

The most common causes of these traumas are systematic sexual or physical abuse or injury when the normal fight or flight impulse is not permitted to happen. In this sense, every trauma that causes PTSD is a psychological trauma that is associated with a situation of abusive restraint that may or may not actually involve physical injury but does significant injury to the sense of self.

The perception on the part of the sufferer is that, at the time of the trauma, shi was constrained in some way and forced to experience something that hurt too much to be set aside. The result is a loss of the sense of personal security that permits us to be fully ourselves. There is always a sense of having been invaded, used, and having been made utterly helpless in some fundamental way.

Ironically, the person may not have any conscious memory of the actual events of the trauma. The triggers may seem completely nonsensical. The reactions may seem completely out of proportion to the percieved significance of the events.

The problem is that there has been some sort of invasion of one's innermost being and most often the result is a sense of worthlessness and rejection accompanied by the often crippling, confusing, and seemingly unpredictable re-living in varying detail of those past events (though sometimes psychologically disguised.)

Unfortunately, the human psyche is so easily affected in this way (when one is young in particular) that this sort of abuse has been adopted more or less conciously as a form of control and domination. It is recognized as a technique to be used by the military for purposes of interogation and breaking the will of anyone who is desired to be controled or 'programed'.

Those who have been exposed to it have often been made to believe that such abuse is a natural part of being raised up or of social interaction and will consequently, almost involuntarily, use the philosopy if not the actual techniques on their own children, charges, and associates.

Descriptive terms most often used in cases of PTSD are dissociation, depersonalization, and traumatization.

This is not to say that all cases of PTSD are the result of deliberate injury but the sense of contraint and, to some extent, guilt on the part of the suffer seems to be essentially universal.

Most of the effect of PTSD seems to lead to an overwhelming need for safety and a significant lack of trust accompanied by the paralyzing and involuntary reliving of the past events that have become so much a part of the person's life that shi is effectively retraumatized on a continuous basis.

This is not simply a case of a nasty memory that must simply be set in perspective and then set aside. The common advice that the events are in the past and should be 'gotten over' misses this issue of retraumatization since without confronting these past events and finding a way to take back the control that was lost there can be no way of setting aside their continuing influence.

Some techniques for dealing with PTSD involve desensitization to 'triggers', confrontation with fears, self examination, awareness of the historical events, and recognition that traumas were not deserved or appropriate in any way. Still, the essence of the problem is to eliminate as much influence of these past events as possible from the person's current personality and behavior through recognition of personal worth and freedom from guilt for events that were beyond personal control.

There must be a sense of entitlement to be well as well as the recognition that the person is responsible for hir own happiness and well being, that the control of self has been returned to that individual.

Barton

hi
a lot of what u said makes sence 2 me,i can pick out bits that go with what i went through,but i dont feel that i have the right 2 feel like crying about what i went through or feel guilty 4 what he did 2 ppl around me because of me going out with him at the time or after it was over when i know ppl have gone through a lot more than i have...
does that make sence

Hi! Welcome to our little corner of hootoo.

Of course it makes sense. If you are able to set aside the traumas, then you may not be suffering from PTSD.

It is not a question of feeling entitled to suffer in any way at all.

Most of us have been convinced that we somehow deserved the problems we experienced. This follows even if the abuse happened when we were merely months old.

As Richenda said a while back, it's not a question of how much you were injured so much as how much it hurt. That last is a subjective evaluation, the first is more easy to compare (x broken bones, y hospital trips, z days of happiness, etc.)

There isn't one of us here who doesn't pray that you have not suffered abuse or trauma sufficient to bring on PTSD.

But, if you have suffered PTSD, you will not be able to merely petend that what happened is over with; Your emotional and psychological health will not permit it.

Good luck.

Barton

my so called xfriend always found a way 2 let me know that what ppl around me went through by trying 2 help me with my expartner was my fault,that if i had not been with him then none of it would have happend n she always had me in tears,i would b in a mess 4 days after with the guilt,but if i had not been with him i would not have my daughter now,thats the only good thing that came out of it.....
i am now married 2 a lovly man who understands what i went through n helps me through my moods,i have tryed 2 put it all behind me now that we have finished going 2 court,but its hard 2 do with him living on the same street,looking over my shoulders all the time,i find myself remembering things n thinking about what if...
the only thing i'm glad of is that i got rid b4 he started hitting me like he did his last partner n the 1 hes with now......
i only have my husband 2 talk 2 when things get bad 4 me,i no longer have friends n my family r not there 4 me,so this is the only other way i can get things out,no matter how much i talk about it or put it in wrighting 4 my daughter it still hurts that i let him get away with it 4 so long n put my kids through it,when i kicked him out the 1st time i should have left it like that n not give him another chance after chance..."i'm sorry it wont happen again" is easy 4 them 2 say but not 2 keep 2......

I can't say much about your circumstances but there is one thing that is very easy to say. It was not your fault.

Being a woman, in particular, places you at a disadvantage in our society. This is simply because women have been trained to believe that if they do not please 'their men' it must their fault. Many men have latched onto this as a way to control 'their women' by never appearing to be pleased.

In fact, this is true for any relationship where one person's happiness is dependent on anothers. Since this state is one of the functional definitions of love, just being in love can put one at risk to the point that many survivors are more fearful of love than they are of any other situation.

Since love requires trust, trust becomes equally hard for them.

Since lack of trust leads to fear and fear leads to retreat, survivors tend to find or build themselves 'caves' where they feel the least threatened and even when they go out into society they wrap themselves in an armour of distance that prevents them from the very things that might lead to the solution of their problems.

At the same time, we need to fight these feelings, if only to assert that we have managed some degree of victory over what we have endured. Often, we will find ourselves involved with new people and several things begin to happen.

First, we tend to test that person. Before we allow ourselves to love hir, we need to be assured that they shi loves us. This can lead to our abusing them to see how far we can go and how dependent they are on us. Often, we will drive that person away or create the impression of being horribly demanding and unlovable.

Once we have invested our love in someone, we don't want to take any chance that shi will leave us or become displeased. We automatically fall back on those behaviors that tended to minimize our pain in previous situations. We become utterly subservient and yet still demanding of assurance that we have not done wrong. We turn ourselves back into the slaves we were and we force our loved ones to abuse us, because if we have not been reviled recently we grow worried that we have lost the interest of our loved one. If shi loved us, we think, shi would yell or beat us. We know this because we know that we cannot possibly be doing things right and if shi doesn't correct us then shi no longer cares.

We grow more and more unsure and again we begin testing, doing things we know will cause problems.

It is quite possible in this way to either transform our lovers into abusers or to drive them away, at least emotionally.

Having grown up abused by those whom we love despite our abuse, we have no idea of what a real loving relationship is for our children. We either repeat what was done to us or we swing wildly in the other direction in an effort not to copy the crimes of our parents. This result is just as like to be abusive since it is just as unreasonable and unreasoned.

Those who were brought up being told they were stupid or ugly will insist that their children are bright or beautiful and set standards that are inappropriate for them -- their values are twisted, if being supid or ugly is bad then their children must not be bad; after all, it wrecked their lives, didn't it.

Or, perhaps, there will be a studied absense of any sort of expectations which doesn't permit the children to please their parents, no matter what they do.

This last can also be seen in adult to adult relationships because the belief that they are worthless only reinforces their self-defeating expectations that they are not entitled to anything of worth.

The truly crippling thing about the life of a survivor is that they often still love those who were their primary abusers. Even if they have been thrown out onto the streets or are now crippled by their abuse. Their standards of what is good, beautiful, and proper are always reactions to their initial upbringing or their first love affair.

In the case of less personal abuse, such as war related traumas, they can find that they cannot be reasonable about their attachment to their country, for instance, less it minimize the pain and abuse they have suffered in its service. The demands of war are such that the country must treat its soldiers as assets to be committed to destruction. Yet the soldier does not wish to be so depersonalized and rationalizes his being placed at risk based on all the love he feels for those he is defending. Thus it is the most gentle of mind who are the most damaged in those situations where they are confronted with what has been done to them or what they are being forced to do.

Please do not feel minimized. Do not feel that you are not entitled to happiness simply because others have suffered more than you perceive yourself to have suffered. Most importantly, do not blame yourself for what has happened to those around you by direct consequence of the damage you have suffered.

I have described us as damaged people. It is the damage that matters and not the degree of the damage. We can heal from our damage but not by ignoring the festering wounds that we feel are too insignifican to treat. We do not deserve to suffer any more than anyone else does. We are not less than other people or more. We are entitled to live and to heal.

But, do not let those who have no idea of the nature of your wounds tell you that if you simply ignore them they will go away. Do not feel that just because those around you have not suffered that you are not entitled to recognize the fact that you have. Do not let yourself belief that suffering is natural or normal and that to seek help is seeking attention you don't deserve.

Barton

ouch

Thank you for posting this.

Barton you should make all this an entry it is very good
I am glad you have put it here.