h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just a pedantic and possibly sad little posting about how DNA might have been inspired to name Ford Prefect.

In one of his many books on cosmology, Professor Carl Sagan (a sort of American Patrick Moore without the monocle or the ability to play xylophone)speculated on the ways in which an alien civilisation, approaching a hitherto unregarded blue-green planet orbiting a small unremarkeable yellow sun in the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the galaxy, might detect signs of life on said planet.

Sagan suggested that the said aliens would become aware of a wheeled lifeform consisting of a metal shell with clear silicate visual lenses, travelling in predetermined straight lines along canals evidently cleared and prepared for the purpose.

This dominant lifeform would be served by organic symbiotes, who it would charge with essential tasks of maintainence (in much the manner of the bird that perches in a crocodile's teeth, picks out the bits, but doesn't get eaten itself), and who, of course, would prepare new migration ways at the behest of their dominant metallic symbiotes.

It would be patently clear, said Sagan, to any visiting aliens where the intelligence truly resided in such a society..

Just perhaps the being who later called himself Ford Prefect after a make of car was originally under this misapprehension?

At least this is a lot more dignified than Sagan's clinching prooof of life on planet Earth: that the vitising aliens would observe, via spectography, an excess of methane in the atmosphere of the planet.

This would show as far more methane than should exist in an oxygen-rich atmosphere. (Apparently methane breaks down in oxygen to simpler chemicals).

Conclusion for the aliens: something down there is creating methane at a faster rate than the atmosphere can clear.

What creates methane? The intestinal system of mamallian animals.

Therefore, a lot of living creatures are down there and farting...

(ie, all the cows, sheep, deer, pigs, goats, elephants...)

So Ford might have picked an even less fitting name for his soujourn on planet Earth!

Traveller in Time spotting s on his screen
"I thought extra terrestrials were supposed to be intelligent.

An even more dominant 'lifeform' on earth would be sneakers . . . "

Ah: intelligent, certainly. In posession of all the facts, no. I think that was a point Sagan was making in the "cars as dominant lifeform" analogy. You can make a totally faulty conclusion based on absolutely accurate observation and impeccable science: you can still totally misinterpret what you see, which I think is the error Ford Prefect made in choosing a name! (Didn't DNA make it clear that he did, though?)

Or perhaps Ford was going by an earlier and even more innaccurate Guide entry on Planet Earth, possibly logged by a Teaser?

"Star Date #######. Materialised on Earth to scare and take pi$$ out of inhabitants. Stopped a metal wheeled creature on its migration way and danced up and down in front of it wearing silly antennae on my head whilt making "beep beep!" noises. Two of its bipedal symbionts leap OUT of wheeled creature, manifest damp-pedal fear, and run away whimpering. Decide to take symbionts aboard ship and introduce them to Mr Probe. after all, who's going to believe them? Throughout, dominant wheeled lifeform sits there impassively making low rumbling noise. Notice via Universal Syntax and Orthography Decoder that it's called Ford Prefect. Speculate that "Ford" is clan or genus name and "Prefect" its personal name..."

Et c.

Traveller in Time still disappointed in the intelligence level of the 'teaser'
"I would suspect the 'teaser' also makes use of an artificial craft to travel. as well as the cars just pop out of the colofactorny in the adult stage, perhaps they serve the queen as infants. "