h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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outcast of the outcasts, eh?? too late for that...

Wouldn't want to be at one of his gigs!

Silly Air Instruments, how about Air Vibraslap? If it isn't the silliest looking then it will surely have the silliest sounding name!!

If you don't know what a real one sounds like, it's the odd rattley thing on the start of Ozzy Ozborne's "Crazy Train".

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Good job I'm not Finbar saunder's' brother, or else I would be thinking you were thanking Tim and Matt for oral sex.

Oh hell.............

I am Finber Saunders' brother.........

I forgot to ask - where abouts in Essex. I lived in Rayleigh for 12 years from the age of 4 - 16.

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Well I hate to deflate your ego, but I've got better things to do with my time, like trying to persuade researchers to use less foul language on their home page and forum entries!!

I'm sure you can take the hint.

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That's great. I've already lost a friend this week through carless posting, I'm glad that you aren't going to be the second.

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Why do you feel you have to offend anyone? I thought we were all bigger better and more mature than that here. Surely you don't want to prove me wrong?

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Acolyte Essex Grunger Boy Seraph of Big Electric Guitars, thank you for hating. I was fearing I was alone. As much as I read and reread the gospels of the New Testament, and feel calmed, awed, undoubtedly a better person, the fact of the matter is that I just can't stop hating people.

Shocker. Most of my 1999 hatreds have survived to this new century - PR trouts, go-getters, role models, people who wear the right haircut, opinion writers, etc. With the passing of 12 months, though, comes a whole new raft of irrational spites and bitter judgements.
TV newsbreak readers. "Kia ora! (Hullo) Here's three garbled sentences on issues of some importance, and another sentence about something funny, which I'll deliver with a smile! "Bring on the real commercials.

TV continuity announcers. Even the job title is insane.

National Party MPs dumped in the last election but still in Parliament. A bunch of sore losers.

Young bald guys. You know the ones I mean. From behind, they all look the same - black shirt, topped off with a slaphead. What I can never figure out is whether they go the barber and ask for a dome-job because they're losing their hair, and may as well go the whole bald hog, or whether it's a fashion statement. This irritates me greatly. But much, much worse are young bald guys with goatees. Their heads look like testicles.

Guys with ponytails. Unbelievable.

Parents who jog with their babies in those green canvas prams. Your children will grow up to be lazy-assed slobs, and they will despise everything you stand for.

TV and literary critics. Unbelievable.

People who phone up just as you're about to sit down to eat dinner. Mostly, of course, I love my relatives.

Saxophones. They look awful.

Money machine cards. They could at least be the size of saxophones. Instead, they are so small, so flimsy, that of course the blasted things are going to fall out of your pocket on Friday night, leaving you flat broke all weekend. "So get a backpack. Put your money machine card in the backpack, and that way you'll never lose it," instructs my friend, as if she's speaking to a child.

Backpacks. They look awful.

Litterers. Do you litter? I hate you more than any other kind of person alive. One day, Satan will greet you at the gates of hell, and say, "Nice to see you!"

Satanists. They're doomed.

Teenage drinkers. Re. the lowering of NZ drinking age to 18: the law is an ass.

Committee members who march in, sit down without being invited to, and then make insane petitions to take your red velvet couch from your office at the Cosmopolitan Club and place it in reception for the benefit of visitors. How selfish. They're probably Satanists.

People who won't give to charity. Poor show. Please, just give.

Techno pigs. Note for elderly readers: techno pigs very typically play idiotic techno music in their homes really loud, really late at night, and really don't care if it disturbs their neighbours.

Addicts. Especially cigarette smokers. (My friend is giving up tomorrow.)

Friends who hurt your feelings. Some friends they are.

Niche magazines. Apart from British Soccer Weekly, Total Football, Sitter!: The New Zealand Soccer Fanzine, World Soccer, etc, the rest pander to unhealthy obsessions.

People who hang up on telemarketers. At least telemarketers have nice phone manners.

People who upset people by posting inane stuff on h2g2.

People who complain about inane postings on h2g2. Censorship is only one step away from burning books.

Delusionists. Specifically, people who display fantastic and enviable levels of arrogance, but have such pitifully little talent. You know who you are. So does everyone else, and they also know you're actually a no-good bum.

Harsh people. Yes, they really are terrible.

This should do it for the time being. Looking back over the list, it strikes me that I've mellowed over the last 12 months - although I am quite plainly unworthy of Christ's love, perhaps the gospels are working.

I would be delighted to hear from other forum posters who might care to compile their own ragings. Be honest Be furious. Be a hater.

Loonytunes

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Sorry dude - I was just doing somthing to get rid of the last post indicator on my forums page. I didn't think a happy smiley would have been appropriate.

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JJ72 - October Swimmers. I play real guitar (too), and that is one of my favourite songs to just sit down and play. That and the chords are nice and simple. Incidentally, I always called 'em picks, till I asked, huh? Plec-trum? And also incidentally - Ha! Walk!



Good night.