A Load of Old Twaddle
Created | Updated Dec 15, 2019
A Load of Old Twaddle
Professor Twaddle Speaks!
'In the first of an occasional series of lectures, Professor F. L. Twaddle1 talks about the origin of hare lips and related matters. Professor Twaddle!'
Good evening. Most of you will be familiar with hare lips as a genetic deformity. What you may not be aware of is that this is a sign of racial recidivism. Once, in the dim and distant past, mankind mated with a race of giant rabbits, Lepus Giganticus, that have now disappeared from the geological records. We don’t have floppy ears or bob tails because these ancient ancestors as I said, died out even before we were officially aware they existed. The film Harvey, starring Hollywood legend James Stewart, was an instance of this repressed racial memory, popping back into our consciousness. This recidivistic tendency shows up in other ways too – for instance, large feet, buck teeth and snub noses.
'Are there any questions?'
'Yes professor, how do you freeze ice?'
'An interesting question. While not relevant to this lecture I will be covering this very subject in a future presentation.
'Next.'
'Is it true you speak Bunkum?'
'Yes, but not fluently. I visited Bunka in my early years as a research student, under the auspices of Professor I. M. Wright, whose paper on Bunka culture, won the prestigious 1988 Golf War prize.
'Anyone else?
'Yes, the ugly old man behind the very pretty girl in the front row.'
'Is it true that you have been accused of sexism?'
'How dare you accuse a noted academic of such puerile behaviour. I am a man of science!
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I hope to have gathered enough data for a follow-up lecture in a short while. The subject will be flying saucers or arguments in the kitchen.'
1 Frank Lee.
