A Conversation for The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Peer Review: A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994 - A87956077
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Part II of a six or seven part series...

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A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 2

Gnomon - time to move on

Entry A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Here are my suggestions for the second entry in the Ghibli Guide.

travelling on important journeys by train, the threat of total or nuclear destruction -->
travelling on important journeys by train, and the threat of total or nuclear destruction

As Miyazaki is a Europhile, and many of his films have European features.

This is not a complete sentence. Perhaps you intended to connect it to the previous or subsequent sentence.

From the 1990s onwards, the idea of Transformation also becomes a key theme.
-- 'Transformation' is a very general term. I assumed you meant people changing their lives through hard work, until I got to the description of Porco Rosso. I would spell it out more clearly:

From the 1990s onwards, the idea of humans transforming into animals also becomes a key theme.

You give the same paragraph about the animators' low pay in this as you did in the 1984-89 entry, but you say it happened before the 1990s, so it shouldn't be included in this entry.

If you do want to keep it, you should correct as per my suggested corrections to it in the 1984-89 entry.

Only Yesterday

You have Mr Okajima, Taeko's Mother and Mrs Okajima, Taeko's Father. As far as I can see the Mother and Father are correct, the Mr and Mrs need to be changed.

You should move Naoko up in the list to before his/her father and mother.

Granny, (Japanese: Shin Itō
-- remove the comma after Granny

when she leaves the countryside before deciding not to leave it
- don't know what you mean by this. How could she decide not to leave it if she has already left it?

pursuing a relationship with Toshio,
-- change the comma to a full stop

Disney feels is completely taboo -->
Disney feels it is completely taboo

Porco Rosso

Porco Rosso was a man who turned into a pig by his guilt -->
Porco Rosso was a man who was turned into a pig by his guilt

when he survived an aerial dogfight during the Great War that cost the life of his best friend.

-- was it the Great War that cost the life of his friend, as you have stated here, or was it the dogfight? If it was the dogfight, reword this as:

when he survived an aerial dogfight that cost the life of his best friendduring the Great War.

young 17-year-old Fio -->
17-year-old Fio

to win a bet, which -- remove the comma after bet

Mr Piccolo, Head of Piccolo aircraft company -- lowercase h on head

although the English translation states that Porco Rosso is called 'Crimson Pig', a name which no-one uses in the film at any point.

Firstly, this does not contrast with the previous part of the sentence, so it shouldn't be introduced with the word "although". It would be better to make it a separate sentence.

Secondly, I don't know what point you are making. Are you saying that Porco Rosso (Red Pig) is known by his title in Italian even in the English dub, but the introduction translates it into English? Or are you saying that he is known as "red pig" but the introduction says "crimson pig"?

with regards the threat of Fascism -->
with regard to the threat of Fascism

the threat of Fascism in Italy which was a reaction to the shocking Yugoslav Wars
-- this suggests that the threat of Fascism was a reaction to the Yugoslav Wars. Reword it to make it clear that it is Miyasaki's adding more detail that were a reaction to the wars.

Piccolo Spa is a fictional combination of early Italian aircraft companies
-- you haven't mentioned Piccolo Spa before. Is this the same as Piccolo aircraft company?

Ferrain after both aircraft designer Carlo Ferrarin and Arturo Ferrarin
-- should Ferrain also be Ferrarin?

In reality this was won by American pilot James Doolittle in a Curtiss R3C-2 with British pilot Hubert Broad second in a Gloster III and Italian pilot Giovanni de Briganti third in a Macchi M.33.
-- there's a lot of detail in this which is not relevant. I would just say:

In reality a Ghibli aircraft was not among the winners of this race.

Miyazaki would later again explore his interest in the development of early aviation twenty years later
-- remove the first "later"

Following making this film -->
After making this film

Ocean Waves

Shikoku Island, the fourth-largest island comprising Japan -->
Shikoku, the fourth-largest island in Japan

The first film by the studio not made by the founding directors, although it had been intended to be made quickly, cheaply and with quality, the film went over-budget and quickly fell behind schedule, with some sequences not fully finished.
-- this is too long to be in one sentence. Try this:

The film was the first by the studio not made by the founding directors. Although it had been intended to be made quickly, cheaply and with quality, the film went over-budget and soonfell behind schedule, with some sequences not fully finished.

It was not originally released in cinemas in Japan, however this has subsequently been shown cinematically.
-- misuse of "however" and odd use of "this"

-->
It was not originally released in cinemas in Japan, but has subsequently been shown cinematically.

like Only Yesterday, is a coming-of-age story -->
like Only Yesterday, it is a coming-of-age story

I think this whole sentence needs a bit of restructuring:
like Only Yesterday, is a coming-of-age story set in a high school that only very briefly mentions menstruation in one short conversation, this making it, in Disney's view, entirely unacceptable.
-->
like Only Yesterday, it is a coming-of-age story set in a high school. It only very briefly mentions menstruation in one short conversation but this makes it, in Disney's view, entirely unacceptable.

set on a Tokyo railway station -->
set in a Tokyo railway station

working hard in both studies and in a restaurant
-- you don't work in studies. Try:
working hard both at his studies and in a restaurant

Pom Poko

as well as have super-stretching scrotum -->
as well as having super-stretching scrotums

As tanuki are animals that are not native to the United States -->
As tanuki are not native to the United States

Once again once the film's protagonist - avoid the repetition of "once":
Once again when the film's protagonist

A tanuki is also seen riding a bicycle briefly too.
-- remove "too" as you already have "also"

For in 1996 Disney would sign a 15-year agreement to release Ghibli's films worldwide which would, slowly but surely, allow their films to be seen internationally, starting with Princess Mononkoke before the end of the century.
- split this into two sentences:

For in 1996 Disney would sign a 15-year agreement to release Ghibli's films worldwide. This would, slowly but surely, allow their films to be seen internationally, starting with Princess Mononkoke before the end of the century.

Mononkoke --> Mononoke

smiley - smiley G


A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 3

Gnomon - time to move on

There seem to be only two of these Ghibli entries in Peer Review at the moment. I've gone through both of those in details.


A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 4

Bluebottle

Thanks again for your hard work in reviewing this - I've made changes as you've suggested. The only comments I think need to be made in relation to these are:

smiley - huhHow could she decide not to leave it if she has already left it?
I've tweaked this to hopefully make it clear that she was in the process of leaving, having got on a train but not actually travelled far yet.

I've also changed Piccola SpA to Piccolo aircraft company (SpA is the Italian equivalent of plc, but I'll be consistent to avoid confusion).

The other Ghibli entries are queuing in the Edited Guide Writing Workshop (<./>RF2</.&gtsmiley - winkeye - I try to keep the number of my entries in Peer Review down and operate a (convaluted) one in, one out approach. As the View Askewniverse films were able to successfully be a University smiley - prof project without being in Peer Review it didn't seem vital that the other Ghibli ones are here rather than there. They're all ready to be reviewed as far as I am concerned wherever they happen to be located (well, except the 2016+ one).

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A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 5

Bluebottle

As there are similarities between subsequent entries' introductions, I'll tweak sentence 'As Miyazaki is a Europhile, and many of his films have European features.' in each as and when I next update them.

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A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 6

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

smiley - ok

Yes - excellent introduction sets the scene well smiley - ok

Fascinating indeed what Disney consider to be taboo and not taboo smiley - raisedeyebrow

"super-stretching scrotum.... 'raccoon pouches'" "Think Watership Down (1978) with scrotum." smiley - roflsmiley - roflsmiley - rofl

Brilliant smiley - ok


A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 7

Bluebottle

Updated.

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A87956077 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1991 - 1994

Post 8

h2g2 Guide Editors

Congratulations! Your Guide Entry is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've moved this Review Conversation to the entry itself.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!


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