It was in the last days of that great age, when the Kingdom and Aisorbma faced each other across their forested border, that the great events which shaped the modern world took place. There were great heroes from each side, men and women whose names were written in the very stars, and whose actions touched every life on both sides of the conflict. One such man was the Marquis Endam ar Berrito, apprentice to one of the Kingdom's finest bladesmasters. A rash young man, one dark night he left the Kingdom on a dangerous mission deep into enemy territory, his only companion a firey young Baroness, Erica del Erica.

Theirs was the incident which precipitated the Great War. Far beyond the borders of their homeland, they found and destroyed an Aisorbmian factory, before fleeing into the night. Contemporary accounts allow us to reconstruct the fate of that bold Marquis. Who was, in perfect honesty, a complete and total idiot.

Episode One: Raiding Party

Undergrowth snapped and rustled underfoot as the Marquis Endam ar Berrito plunged through it, fleeing the sounds of pursuit coming from close behind. Further back, almost a mile away by now, flames lit the night sky and a huge pillar of black smoke drifted into the cloudless heavens.

'We make too much noise,' Baroness Erica del Erica said from just behind him. 'If we continue as we have been moving, our enemies must surely find us well before the sun doth rise.'

'A little further,' Endam said. 'Once we have some more distance on our enemies, we can afford the leisure to become quiet and conceal ourselves in the undergrowth.'

'Then I suggest we run faster, for our pursuers are most persistent,' Erica replied, then put action to words and sprinted off. Endam put on a burst of speed to keep up with her, and gradually the sounds of pursuit grew more distant behind them. Eventually, as his legs were starting to become tired, Endam spotted an ideal place to divert their course without leaving much evidence for the trackers which no doubt numbered among those who sought them. They turned off, with the half moon glimmering at them through the tree branches overhead, and moved swiftly but silently, deeper into the forest.

At intervals Erica stopped, inscribed a hasty circle on the ground with the point of an arrow and cast a spell which concealed their tracks. With this protection they could move somewhat more swiftly than they could have done otherwise, and by the time the eastern sky began to light with the promise of dawn, they could hear no sign of pursuit at all.

'It seemeth me that we have evaded them,' Erica ventured after they'd stopped to listen intently for ten minutes or so.

'It seemeth that way to me, also,' Endam agreed. 'We have truly evaded the finest trackers of all Aisorbma.'

'It seemeth premature to congratulate ourselves on such grand an achievement. We are not truly safe until we have returned in triumph to the fair lands of the Kingdom.'

'But for now, we are safe, and may rest and eat for a brief while.'

'Indeed 'tis so.' And with that, Erica began to build a fire. They had a few supplies with them, and before too long there was a pot bubbling happily away, filled with milk and rice and sugar and a good grating of nutmeg.

'Thine rice pudding doth elevate thee to the highest position in our pantheon of chefs,' Endam said after tasting it once it was cooked. Erica dished him up a large bowlful and reached for another bowl for herself. A noise from the undergrowth made them both freeze, concentrating. Faintly, they heard another noise.

Endam started to reach for his sword, and the clearing exploded into movement. The sound of bows being released seemed very loud as arrows sped, their feathers hissing, into the clearing. Endam rolled away from on, grabbing the hilt of his sword and drawing it as he came to his feet. Almost at the same moment, an arrow hit the back of his leg, bouncing off the bone and falling to the ground. Immediately he could feel hot, sticky blood running down the back of his leg, and the pain narrowed his vision. He clenched his teeth and endured it, moving forward, testing the movement he had in the injured leg.

Figures were emerging from the shadows, wearing clothes that matched the undergrowth almost perfectly, weapons in hand. Endam moved to meet them, dimly aware of light flaring behind him and the sound of explosions, but focussed entirely on those before him. His sword flashed in the starlight, blocking a clumsy swing from one of the Aisorbmii soldiers and striking back, taking off sword hand and then head in quick succession. He danced among them, one with his sword, but his leg was weakening quickly, the strength draining out of him with every drop of blood that escaped from the wound.

He heard Erica scream briefly, a shrill, sharp cry, followed almost immediately by a wet-sounding detonation. She screamed again, and he spun to look, his concentration broken. Erica struggled in the grip of three burly men, the remains of several others lying on the ground around her, torn apart by her magic. Their eyes found each other, and she reached out a hand, magic burning at the ends of her fingers, gathering for release.

Then he stiffened as the sword went through his heart from behind, stared in astonishment at the foot of steel which emerged from his chest. All the strength went out of him, and he fell to his knees, then to his face as the sword was pulled out.

'Emban!' He heard a woman yell, and someone kicked him in the side.

'Yer all pay the price in th' end. Ev'ry last one o' yer.'

And he knew no more.

And thus the Marquis died, and nobody missed him very much.

Next time, we shall see what happened to the Baroness Erica del Erica, held in Aisorbmian custody and bereft of the man she had started to love. Obviously nobody ever told her not to form romantic relationships with idiots. He really wasn't very clever. You'll come to understand that later on.

The Next to the Custard Archive

MaW and Ripper

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