h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i'm amazed at the sprawl of the cracker barrel franchise. i understand that americans like salt and grease, but there must be a limit.

the food is an overdose of carbs, oil and mushy vegtables. the servers are overworked and overwhelmed. the gift shop is a good example of why americans are sometimes seen to be lacking taste.

end the madness. don't buy a rocker. don't settle for buttermilk biscuts. don't expand the waist-line some more with that peanut butter pie.

instead support the joints that really make the country cool. find a local diner. avoid the chains. go to an antique store. go somewhere that's not a mall.

ummm no...I like all the bad things about it when I see one when I am traveling...and after spending all this time in NYC I am tired of little diners and non chain restrants....


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ummmm yes! Cracker Barrel serves the most disgusting food known to mankind. Real Southern food--the kind made with fresh or at the very least *real* ingredients and cooked by someone who knows what they're doing is great. However, to be served slop fresh out of the can is absolutely gross. I am unfortunate enough to have an aunt and uncle who love Cracker Barrel and when we got ours two years ago they insisted on going all the time. I was roped into going three times and all three times I had to push the plate away or send it back. They managed to make apple dumplings, hot chocolate, and simple, simple cornbread and baked beans completely and absolutely inedible--in fact, the pre-mix powder used to make the dumpling, cornbread and chocolate wasn't entirely mixed and the beans still had the oozy sludge from the can on them. I'm not sure how they do it, but the food is tasteless *and* gross at the same time.

This chain should go down in flames.

How to eat in the South:

1. Always order the grits as a side dish -- no matter what time of day. Some like salt on their grits. These people are the descendants of carpetbaggers. True Southerners use sugar and lots of butter and mix it all up.

2. That slow molasses is called sorghum. If it is Benton County sorghum, then it is considered sacred. Put a pat of butter on your plate, pour a little sorghum on it and mash it all together with your fork. Spread on a hot buscuit.

3. If it is breakfast, order the pecan waffle. Put butter on it, fill in all the little squares with pecan syrup and eat it. Then order the chocolate cobbler for dessert.

4. Order the chicken fried steak for dinner or supper. Dinner is the noon meal. Supper is...well...at supper time, around six p.m. The chicken fried steak is actually beef. It is breaded and fried like chicken. Be sure to ask for the gravy on both the steak and on your mashed potatoes. Yes, it is greasy (pronounced gree-zee in the South.) That is intentional. When in Rome...

5. Be sure that you order ICED tea at dinner and supper. Get it unsweetened and add your own sugar.

6. Please do leave a tip, especially in the South. It has never quite recovered economically from the War of Northern Aggression (also known as "that late unpleasantness."

7. On your way out, buy a bunch of different flavored candy sticks in the gift shop for later. I like the cloves flavor myself.

8. Stay away from people who wear or display a flag called "The Star and Bars." It was the flag of the Confederacy and is often (though not always) used by bigots and racists to flex their muscles. Well-bred Southerns never want to hurt anyone's feelings and won't have any part of that flag. Most Southerners are neither racist nor stupid. That is one of the lingering stereotypes that is still promoted in the media...and sometimes exploited by Southerners.

9. There is nothing silly about the word "y'all." It is very convenient to use to distinguish between singular you and plural you. Use it to your heart's content. If it's said with a British accent, it will make your waitress smile. (As a result of early settlments in the South, a lot of the Southern dialect comes from Elizabethan English. "'Taint so?" "'Tis!")