h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I work for a charity that has branches in 40 countries around the world providing support for people with intellectual disabilities [please insert your local appropriate term for this] where people with and without disabilities live and work together.
The push for independence as the optimum choice can put people in a difficult position. Some people want to live in a small family sized group. Some social service funders think that living independently means living alone. This can cause unnecessary distress for some people who enjoy having friends around and like the feeling of a small community around them that helps them to meet their own needs and offer support to others.
The reliance on huge institutions in the past has made many people worry about people living together in any setting, other than marriage or other 2 person partnership. The charity I work for aims to help people have the living situation that they would want for themselves.
Funnily enough I think the TV comedy programme friends is a good example of people choosing to live together as a positive lifestyle choice. I know some of the characters get married or move on, but for some people with disabilities the support of friends is extremely important.

Being 'disabled', I totally agree with your definition of independence. For me, it's being able to wash and dress myself, cook a meal, get where I want under my own steam, basically be able to do my own thing. It is *not* living alone. I'm lucky to have a caring, understanding husband. Sometimes I'm not sure how I'd manage without him. He accepts that I don't want everything done for me, just the things I can't manage for myself. If I didn't have him, I like the idea of a small community of like-minded people living together and helping each other as required. (Where could I find one?) I would reserve the right to be solitary when I felt the need, as I do with hubby.

Hi Cheerful Dragon,
I think your description of what you would want for yourself is close to what we try to offer. We call the people with disabilities the core members of our community. They are with us for life, if they choose to be, while other, able bodied, members stay for a period of time and all but a few move on to be replaced by others.

Over the years (it has been in existence since 1964) we have seen people age in our communities and our response to their needs has had to change as their needs change. Some people need a lot more personal care than they used to, but in our family environment we are able to adapt and offer more support as it is needed. In the past people have only moved on when they have been in the late stages of palliative care and needed nursing support that we cannot give. We would still visit them on a daily basis offering them continued emotional support until they passed on.

What seems important to me is to provide what's appropriate for each individual. There are too many sweeping generalisations as to how people with disabilities should be treated.

For instance, some children with disabilities feel very isolated in mainstream school, having no contact with others similarly affected. Knowing there are others with the same problems & sharing experiences & solutions can be helpful.

No-one should be forced to struggle because integration & total independence is beyond their capabilities or preference.