h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In an outtake from the original Star Trek, Spock (Leonard Nimoy) walks directly into an Enterprise door - it was supposed to go "Sssssshhh..." and slide open. It didn't. Nimoy cracked up. The future for operating doors looks bleak.

truly

Apparantly those sliding doors were made to work by having a man on either side pull them open... Kinda ruins the illusion don't you think?

i always thought that they were automatic...

I'm thinking of making more additions for this entry. Automatic Doors are at the top of my list.

OK, here's an item on automatic doors. I shop regularly at Micro Center, a very large computer store here in Houston, Texas, USA. There is only one store in town, typical for this chain - same for Dallas. The entrance is the typical glass and steel "room" with automatic doors on three of the four walls. So you walk in and have to activate two doors. When I leave, I typically walk straight out, passing through two more automatic doors, but I also invariably set off the side door because its not possible to avoid walking near it. So I activate all five doors every time I go there. Seems like a little overkill, even if it does save a little air conditioning cost.

If you don't mind me saying so; America's gone stark raving mad!
But then again, so's the Liverpool planning counsil...

You're not alone in thinking Americans are crazy - maybe Frank is from the UK?:

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting
Texas: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a
judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at
the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table
asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by
he other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that
spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, So I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out.
I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more
beer when they saw the look on my face.

__________________________________________________________

CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now
get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back;
now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
s**t-faced from all the beer.
____________________________________________________________

CHILI # 4 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
Adding considerable kick. Very Impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
Admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding
by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning
my lips off?
________________________________________________________


CHILI # 5 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am
worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he
is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili
which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. At least during the autopsy they'll know what
killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in
through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

i really would have read that...
but it is just TOO long and besides i could not see a corelation

My apologies.

'tis

you actually did just now read some of it...

looks interesting

That was very funny indeedy.

Steve, that stuff about the chili contest was so funny that, in my mind, it is perfectly excused from having to relate to the topic at hand But that's funny how in Star Trek, which is supposed to be in the future, they still havne't solved the problem of doors.

OK, thanks. Topic drift is absolutely unforgiveable, except sometimes, like when its funny ...