h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello,

"There is a way forward, but it will not be found by trying to combat or resolve the problem from within the structure that has given rise to it. What is needed is an entirely different perspective - not a problem-solving approach, but one which arises from and is supported by a structure of a different order."

I have read your article with great interest and it has been a real eye opener for me. However, you mention that there is a way forward but do not give an example. This would be of great benefit as the article is crying out for a nice tidy resolution.(I like happy endings!)

Cheers,

Myriad.

Hello, TheMyriadWhoIsALordOfTheRingsFanatic!

Thanks very much for your kind comments and your interest in the issues raised.

An example wouldn't be enough. The full continuation of this entry would probably be a series of further entries going much deeper into this subject.

Perhaps partly because of culture and upbringing, people often want a tidy resolution. It's not unusual for people to want 'completion' or 'closure'. There's nothing wrong with such a desire. But if the structure in play is the kind I have outlined, where for the reasons indicated a tidy resolution is simply not possible, the desire for resolution is itself an unresolvable one and therefore simply adds yet another complex tension structure to your life!

An important step is to relegate the desire for resolution. That is not the same thing as trying to deny that the desire exists. You acknowledge that it exists, and it is then a matter of looking at it in another way and developing, if you will, a tolerance for inconclusiveness.

Bels

Thanks for that.

It seems strange that you say "there is a way forward" but I can't think of a plausible way forward in the relationship example you cited. I wonder how you can claim a way forward without actually stating logically what the steps would be.

In the overweight example we can simplify it in two tensions: The hunger tension and the diet tension. Surely the way forward depends upon the willpower of the individual involved and the circumstances of his or her life. If the willpower is strong enough then the hunger tension can be increasingly resisted. Then, after the initial hunger pangs have been resisted for a indeterminate amount of time they recede as the person's stomach gets smaller.Therefore the diet tension would also decrease as the weight drops off. Then the person is either happy at that reduced weight or wishes to lose more.

Does this not seem like the way forward?

Cheers,

Myriad.

In the relationship example, Marilyn might try to build up her self-esteem, which would reduce the feeling that she isn't worthy of Peter, and thus increase her commitment to the relationship. Or Peter might try and change his habit. Or Marilyn might genuinely accept Peter's habit as being part of him, and learn to love that too. Or they might split up and each find someone else to whom they are more suited (or indeed find that they love being alone). Or Peter might have an affair, thus proving that he's not actually perfect, and thus resolving Marilyn's self-esteem issues that way. Or Marilyn might find a third party that she can discuss Peter's failings with. Indeed do many things come to pass.

-Xanthia

Too many clever people on this h2g2!

Thanks,

Myriad.

"If the willpower is strong enough..." - ay, there's the rub. Let's say someone uses willpower to lose weight or stop smoking, and it works. Permanent weight loss, permanent kicking of undesirable habit - no problem, end of story.

But if it doesn't work? If you try and try and it still doesn't work, or leads to initial success but sooner or later you end up back at square one? This happens to a lot of people. Not everyone, by any means, but a significant number. In such cases summoning up willpower isn't *the* way forward, it is one possible approach or technique that for many people turns out not to be a very satisfactory one after all. Telling such people they just need more willpower is about as useful as telling them to pull themselves together or not to be such an idiot.

In the relationship example, I don't know 'Marilyn' and 'Peter' well enough to know what *the* way forward would be for either of them. It might be a question of acquiring some new insight into the other partner, or into oneself. It might be separation. It might involve re-assessing one's fundamental priorities in life. From the brief thumbnail sketch given you couldn't possibly tell. The point was simply to illustrate 'Marilyn's' conflict situation, to portray a person with irreconcilable desires.

The first step is to realise that one has irreconcilable desires, and that it is quite possible to live with conflict without seeking a tidy resolution. Do not underestimate this step - it can be a massive one, a real breakthrough. And I am not talking about compromise. Some people will seek compromise solutions, even regard them as the only kind. A compromise is also an oscillatng system, except that the amplitude is greatly reduced, if you get my meaning, so that having made a compromise one is then living in an area of tolerable rather than intolerable conflict. It's a 'solution' of sorts, and some people do seem to settle for it, but it's a second-best in my opinion - never unbearably uncomfortable, perhaps, but never totally satisfying either.

It's funny that you "don't know 'Marilyn' and 'Peter' well enough to know what *the* way forward would be for either of them." - yet you do know them well enough to say that "the likelihood is that they will split up, neither of them understanding why the affair had to end this way."

Is there not some inconsistency here?
-Xanthia

I sketched in these characters just to focus on certain points. They're just matchstick people - paper dolls, if you like. It's not meant to be a detailed real-life case study.

If you really would like a more acceptable ending i could offer an alternative perspective, re; see 'neuro-evolution', that would at least present a different approach to solving a problem.

brian