h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi,

As a person who writes speeches for a living, I would like to set out the suggested etiquette for a UK Best man speech. Officially the Best man doesn't make a toast, but many like to toast the Bride and Groom, so I usually add an optional toast at the end, which I entitle 'my toast'.

The official toast to the Bride and Groom should come from the Father of the Bride or whoever is taking his place. The only other official toast is made by the Groom, to the Bridesmaids.

The duty of the Best man is to respond on behalf of the Bridesmaids. Many thank the Groom for his kind words and toast; which is fine, providing he has done. As the Best man follows him, I usually thank the Bride on behalf of the Bridesmaids, for the great honour of being asked, far safer.

This is my suggested list;
Best Man's speech, contents and etiquette.

In traditional UK style weddings, the third speech after the Bride's Father and Groom.

Basically to compliment the Bride and Groom and give good wishes for their future together.
To thank the Groom for asking you to be Best man.
To relate funny stories about the Groom, nothing too rude and no mention of previous lady friends.
To relate a little about the Bride, (If known).
To thank the Bride on behalf of the Bridesmaids.
To thank the Bride on behalf of the Flower girls, Page boys and ring bearers.
To thank the Hosts on behalf of the Guests.
To read out a few cards, probably from absent relatives or close friends.
If no Master of Ceremonies, to introduce the next item. May be the cutting of the cake, but pre-arrange.

Do's and Dont's.

Don’t; If you are the Best man, please remember your speech is not an extension of the stag night.

It will be far better received by the typical wedding audience of people of all age groups and walks of life; if you don’t use outright vulgarity, bad language and make references to the Groom’s previous
partners or relationships. It is possible to make a speech which will go down a storm by omitting all of these.

Do; Especially if you are the Groom, try to make sincere bits sound sincere. I know some men are not happy at being thought of as being sincere or ‘sloppy’. A wedding is a loving occasion and I am sure
your ‘street cred’ will remain just the same, regardless of how nicely you refer to people; In fact it might even improve.

Don’t; forget the speech or the prompt card; If you wear spectacles, don’t forget them.

Don’t; drink too much alcohol before your speech. If you do have the odd drink to relax yourself, drink your usual tipple, as you know approximately how much is appropriate.

Do; If you feel extremely nervous as you are about to give the speech, take some long deep breaths.
Try and relax.

Do; try to open the speech with a witty comment. Once you have got a laugh, you will feel much more confident. A witty speech needs to be given, in a ‘tongue in cheek’ manner with a smile in your voice. It won’t seem anywhere near as funny, if your voice is flat.

Do; When you stand up you will probably receive applause. Hold your head up in the air, look around the room and give everybody a big smile. This makes people think you are relaxed, and relaxes them.

Don't; mumble. If there is no microphone, please try and speak loud and clearly, so that the people at the back can also hear.

Do; When making a toast, make your announcement very positive. Wait until everybody has stood up. Lift your glass positively into the air before making the toast, and wait until everybody has lifted their glasses before giving it. A follow up line to a toast, should be given immediately after the people have made their response.

Don’t; pass around any photographs or props while giving your speech. If you are showing an article or blown up photo which everybody can see, it is ok to do so during the speech. What I don't recommend is passing photographs around during your speech. This only leads to people talking among themselves, thanking each other for passing them and generally not fully listening to the wonderful things that you are saying. It is best to pass them around, when everybody has finished speaking.

If you are the Groom and are giving out various gifts, to save disjointing your speech, give them all out together at the end.

I hope this helps.
Best Wishes
Malcolm.
www.aspeech.co.uk