h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Groom's Brother had been rushed into Hospital with Appendicitis and he rang me on the night before the wedding and asked me if I would be his Best man.

So, faced with being asked to be a substitute Best man at the last moment, I desperately scoured the net for material for a speech.
I was a Best man 3 times many years ago and most of the wedding jokes are still going the rounds. The poor Queen Mother has been dead for years, but the joke about making love to her is still on many sites; how grim can you get.

I then found www.a-best-man-speech.co.uk which claimed to supply different templates and a 44 page humour file with jokes on all subjects.

The Groom is a Farmer, who plays a pretty crap game of football in the Sunday league and is too mean to part with a fart. I couldn't believe it when I downloaded the documents immediately after paying, they were brilliant and there were jokes on those subjects. Within an hour and a half I had used one of the templates and made a brilliant speech. The speechmaking tips said that I would be better on the big day if I read through my speech loads of times, so I did.

The next day I was a nervous wreck when I started off, but as soon as I got my first laugh I started to enjoy it. All of the jokes went down so well I couldn't believe it and I am not joking, but the next day my back was still red from everybody slapping it. I didn't buy one drink all night, in fact the tight Groom even bought me one.

I wouldn't advise people to leave it quite as late as I did, but it just shows what you can do.

Charlie Boy Wrigley.