No Bad Spellerz Need Apply
Created | Updated Aug 22, 2010
The best thing about freelancing is working in your pyjamas – well, okay, I don't really do that (much), but it's nice to know you don't have to put on a suit and tie, or go to an office. Telephone conferences are fun, too. You can make all the faces you want, and as long as the cat doesn't walk across the keyboard, you come out sounding fairly professional.
The downside to all this personal freedom – not having to deal with bosses face-to-face, not having to smell the Thai lunch the woman in the next cubicle thinks is so yummy – is trying to make sure you have enough work. This leads you to some interesting places, most of them virtual, and almost all of them ranging from the speculative to the downright insane. Take Craigslist.
Now, Craigslist is a cool venue. Nobody has to pay anything for posting, or reading the posts, and you can pick up a full-time job or a gig, meet interesting people, and not be pressured into the sort of full-disclosure resume-building those high-priced search sites specialise in. Even better, you don't get on the kind of mailing lists I detest – the kind where somebody who can't even use a spellchecker insists that he alone knows the secret to fame, fortune, and a six-figure income.
On the other hand, Craigslist reveals to the world that many prospective employers are themselves unaware of the most effective way to find the labour they seek, at a price they can afford (and that makes it worthwhile for the job-seeker). Consider this one:
Wanted: Top-notch, world-class copy editer for magasin with reely high standards.
I am usually tempted to reply with a commented Word document pointing out all the mistakes. I mostly just give it a miss. Speaking of payment (always a consideration), there is this gem:
Wanted: Really fast content writer to provide 600-word articles. I need 20 articles and will pay $1 per article. Only serious writers need reply.
When I stop laughing, I consider forwarding this advert to the parallel universe it belongs in.
Some advertisers seem to have a more private audience in mind than, say, the usual publication or webzine:
Wanted: Writer to provide adult content. Stories can be as short as one paragraph. I need a lot of these, and will supply the subject.
Er, yeah. It's the 'one paragraph' that gets you...short attention span plus subject matter equals unbidden thoughts that I suppress by moving on, quickly, to the next exciting ad heading...
Copywriter Perpetual Bicycle
For a moment, I am excited. Not since I had a short story accepted by Fogged Clarity1 have I been so close to the truly surreal. Hoping that this ad was placed by my hero Andre Codrescu, I open the file...
Alas. Perpetual Bicycle is the name of the publication. Aware that the last time someone cornered me on the subject of sprockets, I fell asleep standing up, I try another ad:
Wanted: Crackerjack proofreader
Again, bitter disappointment – this has nothing to do with peanuts and popcorn. The ad writer merely wanted to show off. At least, he spelled 'crackerjack' correctly.
Wanted: I have a grate idea for a screan play. It has everything – exitement, car chazes, a really hot girl. What I need is somebody to rite it. I will pay $50 dollarz if you rite reel fast.
Sigh. Try a note on the English Department's bulletin board, why dontcha? Y'all can brainstorm (I use the term loosely) over headbanger music in the Student Union lounge.
Translator needed for Dari and Pashto. Good luck.
Metromix Raleigh looking for tastemaker and scene shaker (part-time). I would never try to imitate Beau Brummel2full-time.
Research and write short articles for my website (from your house). I would rather do this from my house than yours, but why would I do it at all?
Edit book-length manuscript for $150, it only needs proper English, punctuation, etc, to be done...The world is waiting with bated breath for this opus. All it needs is English.
You get the idea. Craigslist is a highly entertaining publication, and if you avoid the scams ('send me your social security number and $50, and I'll make you a millionaire before I move to Minorca') and don't suffer from OCD (10 typos in a one-paragraph ad for an editor can be daunting), you might actually find work to do.
Which somebody might actually pay for, thus making your tax consultant really happy. In the meantime, one wishes this person well:
Looking for passionate baseball writer.
Ah, youth.
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