h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't have a great amount of experience in these things, but it seems to be a skill of hitting the right balance.

A balance between showing a grieving person that you are there to help, surport and listen to them and yet not getting them annoyed by being the 100th person that day to ask them if they are ok.

Also this balance depends on how well you know this person and how they are likely to react.

I'm still learning, how to strike this balance. Still I try to aim at being with someone quietly, avoiding talking too directly about that which they are grieving for until they've relaxed enough to talk about it themselves (but only if they want to).

PD

Okay I haven't spent enough time thinking about this subject to make the best contribution at the moment, but I shall return following these thoughts:

1. It's one of the biggest taboos in societies across the planet and certainly in my experience and the experience of people I've talked to about it : no-one gets the advice and learning they need to be able to deal with death...our own, our loved ones...not from school, media....
2. This guide needs a serious University of Life project on it above anything else...I would offer to contribute something, and I'll do my best...I'm sure there is a rich history behind humans dealing with death and I will lay money that so-called pre-civilised societies have been far more advanced in this respect....

anyway I'll check this tomorrow

Obviously I can only speak from my own experience. When I suffered a bereavement 5 years ago, the thing that struck me the most was how people wouldn't ask how you are. I don't mean in the 'how are you feeling' as a 'polite' question kind of way, I mean nobody asks how you are REALLY feeling. Obviously this is a difficult thing to deal with, and you find yourself at a loss, as to how to talk to the bereaved. I think people are worried that they will upset you further by something they say - unless they are being particularly insensitve, this is not very likely.
Just having an everyday conversation with someone I think is probably the one thing I needed the most. I think if I have learned anything from my experience, it is that maybe sometimes people want to be treated like normal human beings and not someone who is too 'fragile' to hear about Johnny's school grades, or whatever.

I don't think there is one thing that will work for everyone in this situation, but what worked for me was just having a quiet place to reflect and think about it. Sunsets are good for this. Also, it is nice to talk to someone who can't talk back. Like a dog or a horse. It sounds strange but it is soothing for me when I have a lot of pressure on me or when I am really sad.