A Conversation for Dealing with Divorce
Divorcing the Children
Kyra Started conversation Nov 11, 2007
I'm 22, and four months ago my father told my mum that he wanted her to leave. Long story short, I moved out, my brother (20) moved back to Australia, and my mum put up with things for four months so she could finish her vet nursing course. My father didn't even attempt to be civil. He spent the whole time screaming at her ("I can't wait to be rid of you" etc), calling his parents making it out to be my mum's fault, and buying gifts and writing bad poems to his new girlfriend. My mum finally finished her course and left the country last Thursday. The morning she left she went out to the lounge, against my advice, and tried to say goodbye. She said "I don't know what to say". He said "don't bother". There was a bit of to and fro, my mum basically saying "after 27 years that's all you have to say?" I finally ventured out of my mum's room and told her to just go, don't worry about it. My father said to me "stay out of it, for once in your life mind your own business". I laughed, partly in shock, but partly cos he p*ssed me off. That was the first time he'd said anything to me in about 3 months. He said "so you think this is funny, do you?" I didn't answer, partly cos I was determined not to talk to him, but mostly cos he scares the cr*p out of me. He kept on saying it: "do you? Huh? Do you think this is f*cking funny?" By this time I was just glaring at him and trying not to cry. The last thing he said to me is "and you can get the f*ck out of here too". And he was smiling as he said it.
I know whatever I say here is just one side of the story, but I swear, I can't think of anything either my mum or I did to deserve that sort of treatment. *He* was the one who had the affair, he kicked *us* out. I know his major complaint was that we didn't talk to him after it happened, but surely it's understandable that my brother and I would be so angry at him? He didn't even tell us he wanted my mum to leave, I heard it all from her. But why should he refuse to talk to us? He acts like a spoilt toddler having a tantrum. Having said that, I don't want him to talk to me.
He's changed his will, thrown out all the photos of us, and cut us out completely. He made more fuss of the dog my mum kept than his own kids. Every time I went home to see my mum, if he ever looked at me he would *glare*, he looked *so* mad, and he'd slam doors shut so hard the walls would shake.
I don't know what I expect to come out of this post. But I'm definitely evidence that adult kids of divorce can have it pretty rough. I really wish it'd happened when I was little. Though he'd probably still have cut us off
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