h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm a 25-year-old first-born son of two parents that did stay together for the kids. Last week, after 27 years my dad finally called it quits and left my mother for another woman. Mom was never a nice person to live with so I can’t seem to force myself to be all that mad at him for what I think he should have done many years ago. He is naturally relieved to be out of the situation but my mother is still hurting to the point of being suicidal. She's called me every morning sobbing into the phone about not knowing if she can take feeling this way for the rest of her life, which is something the doctors I convinced her to see tell her might very well be the case. She tells me now that the few times I've seen her smile since the break up have been a front.

As cold hearted as it sounds, it really feels like she's wallowing in self-pity, enjoying the attention and not even willing to try to move on. "No body understands the pain I'm feeling,” she tells me. She beat me almost every day of my life until I was about 15 years old, which seems comparable to me. And contrary to what may sound like some remaining hostility towards her... even at a young age, I learned to deal with it in a positive way. How can I help her to understand that it was the best thing for everyone including her and that things will get better?

My goodness, what a problem! With any luck it's resolved itself a little now...but the only advice I can suggest is what I did with my Mum.

You are right that your mother is wallowing. I had a very nasty marriage break-up and you do wallow for a while but you have to try!!

My Mum used to be awfully self-pitying and it was awful - but not as bad as you are facing. I used to screen calls and only answer when I could handle it - or call her myself when I felt brave.

Then I would say 'Now tell me something good that happened today' and encourage her to say something positive. Often she said 'nothing' but it was a start.

I also bought her a couple of self-help books. She wouldn't read them but it was an excuse to say 'have you done that?' and when she said no, say 'then I can't help you can I?'

And at the last resort, tell her that a lot of people know how she's feeling, that there are even worse disasters in the world - and she's going to loose all her friends if she doesn't at least try to move on.

Good luck!!