h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let me start by sayin g that I have no kids, nor a wife, and even my girlfriend dumped me, so I only speak as a person who learned all about this.

Actually, my father is a gynacologist, so the shiness of such subjects were never experianced in our house, but somehow I never had a talk with neither of my parents about this, and I guess I knew mostly from friends, TV and books.

It is hard for mr to trace that bak to exactly how it was, but my next few posts to this thread will be the ways I see as most probable and most acceptable (not always both).


Dancer

Any parent has to follow in education the rules that criminals follow in their career, in a way that any subject needs to have:

1. Motive
2. Opportunity
3. Way of action*
*footnote - Excuse me for the language terms, they are translated to english from hebrew, between the transfare and my vocabulary some things are lost in the translation

1. Motive -
If you need to tell you child about the fact of life (from here on FOL). The FOL lecture usually comes if the child asks, if the child "catches" the parents(come on, don't you ever lock?), or a lot of times when a child is too grown up and the issue was never discussed.

In the third case you can be quite sure that the child has aquired the knowledge elsewhere. this might be a positive thing or a negetive thing.
It is quite negetive if the child doesn't think he/she can address the parent on the subjecr or related issues, and this possibility should be eliminated by one of these owcward "you can always come to me with any problem/question" talk.
The positive thing about it is that the introduction of the subject was quite natural and not as artificial as an improperly done "FOL Talk" might be.

If you get caught in action, Don't Panic, and don't shout at the child. I had a girlfriend that went in on her parents and got bot a good look and shouted at, and got traumatised for years. Panicing never solves anything.

good ways out are:
1. Telling the truth (i.e. Were loving eachother/ making babies...)
2. The sporty way out (Were playing hide and seek/ wrestling etc...) - that's problematic cause the child might want to join/immitate, or he/she might just already know all about that kind of things and just recognise the lie.
3. The always exelant "You'll understand when you grow up" - Problem with that is that when they finally understant, they think it means they are grown up (or at least grown up in THAT respect).

Next post will be on opportunity

Always willing to talk a lot about things and make up answers,

Dancer

2. Opportunity
Well, once you get to the point that you have to have the FOL talk, You might want to choose the right time and place to have the talk. it is not always possible to time it, but usually delaying the need to answer for questions by giving a short ambigious, ellucive answer and raising the subject later yourself is a good sollution, just don't make it a lot later, but at the first possible conveniance.

Considerations in where to have the talk are:
1. Privacy - allowing your child feeling comfortable, and probably more than this allowing you to feel easy as well.
2. Easiness, Naturality - the wrong way to do this is to sit in the den across the table, actually a table will be a bad choice in any place. If you really need a table it should be a low table, this makes it less of a buffer and opens up the conversation.

if caught in the act, DO NOT EXPLAIN RIGHT AWAY ALL THE BEES AND BIRDS THEORY!!! It has been done, and performing examples were known to be requested . (DONT ASK!)

Comming soon, thw everimportant "Way of action."

Dancer

3. Way of action

Maybe the hardest is actually finding words to explain, it all seems so natural that it cant really be put to plain words without sounding inapproperiate or too rediculus.

This is actually true and OK, it IS so natural, and it should be simpler for the same reason.

Different tactics:
1. Ask questions first - It might be wise to ask the child what hw/she already knows/thinks about the subject. this helps correct some verry wrong things children get to think about the subject, and also helps start off the conversation and gives the child legitimaty to speak freely.
Asking questions first also helps prevent long unnecessery introductions, or maybe show the need for long introduction when it was assumed differently.

2. The birds and the Bees - The use of metaphores is possible and verry effective, Som emight think it childish or confusing, and some might prefare it. It is best suited when the parent is a bit coy or maybe sometimes if the child is verry young. As common as it is, it usually is not the best way to go.

3. Don't go into details - "When a man and a woman love each other verry much, they love so much that this love becomes a baby". as good as it is to the child's ego, it'll only be good for a couple of days up to a couple of years, then, it's back at ground zero.

4. Go for the details - i.e. All the details about sperm and egg and cells deviding and the stages of pregnancy and vagina to penis relations.
This level of detail comes sometimes to supply the curiosity of intelligent kids, and sometimes the details help make it less "dirty" for the parent to talk about with the child. It is not bad to explain it all, it's actually a pretty good tactic, and can can be used as easily and comfortably as the more anigmatic ones. Just prepare yourself, because kids tend to have sofisticated questions if they become interested.

That's all I have time for now,
Maybe I'll add some more soon.

A question - What are the terms used for the genitalia in english? I know a lot of different terms, but what do you use with children?

Yours,

Dancer