h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry, Zarniroop - I really only frequent the Guide for the conversations. I'll occasionally click on a front page article if it's a subject which really interests me, and from the title I had high hopes for this one. I'm a huge fan, with a collection of reference material and even a copy of the "Borchester Echo" which BBC Birmingham published about 15 years ago for some minor anniversary, so I really hoped to find out some info about the series I didn't already know...

Hello... Me again...

"...Debbie Gerrard (who's the farm manager and has recently moved in with an older man, college lecturer Simon Gerrard, much to Brian's annoyance)."

Nope. She married him, he played around, she divorced him (it became final last week) and she's now a permanent resident in one of her mother's "holiday cottages".

This really needs work, either adding a screed of footnotes saying when the "facts" were last checked, or a complete rewrite to remove any time-sensitive references.

Some more expired material:

"...Jolene Rogers, line-dancing and country-and-western singer" - That would be Jolene Perks, as they married a couple of years back.

"... is often heard playing in her band with Edward Grundy." - Not any more, she isn't. The band had an acrimonious break-up.

"...mother of toddler Jamie..." - I think Jamie's about eight now.

"...Marjorie Antrobus will willingly invite you in for a cup of tea..." - Not since the fall... She can't make tea for herself any more, and is in the process of moving out of the farm into a home.

"...Kate, has recently returned from Africa to have a baby with her South African boyfriend..." - Again, that was years ago. Kate, Lucas and the unpronouncable child are permanently living in Johannesberg now.

"Brookfield Farm
Home of Phil and Jill Archer..." - Nope. They live in Glebe Cottage.

"Brookfield Cottage
Home of David and Ruth Archer..." - Nope, they live at Brookfield farmhouse.

"Dower House
Home of Caroline Pemberton..." - Nope, she's moved in with Oliver Sterling at Grange Farm.

"...She has only had one happy romance..." - Hmm, seems happy enough with Oliver...

"Jack also owns the village shop and the local paper, the Borchester Echo." - Don't forget "Jaxx Kaff"...

"Honeysuckle Cottage
Home for the village Doctor, Tim Hathaway, and his wife Siobhan." - Where do I start? Tim and Siobhan are divorced; Tim and Janet (the Vicar) moved away from Ambridge and got married. Siobhan had Brian's bastard child and moved away to Ireland to rear it. Debbie and Simon were lined up to buy the (now vacant) cottage when she caught him cheating and divorced him. The upshot is that both Tim and Siobhan were but a blip in the Ambridge timeline; Walter and Nelson Gabriel occupied the cottage for far longer, so if you want to reminisce about former occupants, they're the ones to go for.

"...Meanwhile Tim has been getting a bit fond of the vicar, Janet Fisher..." - She's no longer the vicar, and he married her.

"...Oliver Stiling..." - You are still spelling his surname wrong, it's "Sterling".

"...He also appears to be wooing the eligible Caroline..." - She's moved in with him.

"...Janet Fisher is likely to be seen rushing between services..." - Oh no she isn't.

Good luck...

Hi Peet (and any other pedants out there cruising for opportunities to criticise)

1. I wrote this article just merely as a bit of fun and as a snapshot of ambridge life, I didn't expect it to make it into the guide, someone else submitted it for review.

2. It would take extensive work to keep on top of updates required to keep it current. (I'm not doing it, too busy doing other things and I can't be bothered with h2g2 much since the beeb watered down the content and quality)

3. I stated somewhere in convos with the sub-editor that this would go out of date very quickly and could do with a disclaimer (I'd post a link to the posting but can't be bothered to look for it, or even look at the article again, if you've got more time than me you could look it up yrself!)

4. Art is truth, and art is beauty, life isn't always truthfull or beautiful. (or something like that) Go Figure!

42. Go wash your head in a bucket!

respectfully yours,
Z

The update centre have suggested that I take the rewrite upon myself... Would you be with that, Zarniroop?

If you have no objections, I'll throw something together for review in a couple of weeks time...?

I'd be so cool with it, that you could keep a side of meat in me for a month!

Go ahead, and good luck!

Z