A Conversation for How to Write Bad Poetry
Free-verse bad poetry
Dr. Funk Started conversation Jun 25, 2001
To chop those three minutes' thought down to two, just don't bother rhyming at all; to lend it that air of sophistication, just use random words and unorthodox spelling, punctuation, indentation, and line spacing. For instance:
Example One--Animals, Amminals
Give me a chicken (or do not give me a wheelbarrow--you think I care?)
and I will show you the Weasel
(for my elbo Yet has no Skin)
who, in top hat and pink tuxedo,
flays errant cab drivers, the fish jockeys of the Future,
who curse him, screaming through maggot mustaches
to the ends of the lizard earth.
Presto! Read this aloud accompanied by trombone and trash can lids, and you've really got something people will pay money to see.
Free-verse bad poetry
J. Nigel Aalst Posted Jun 25, 2001
That's brilliant! So brilliant, that I'm going to steal it.
Look for me at the poetry slams and coffeehouses. I'll be lugging around the trombone, trash can lids, triangle, tambourine, megaphone and airhorn.
Free-verse bad poetry
Sad, Mad or Bad? - I always wanted to be a dino, but alas, I'm just old. Posted Jun 25, 2001
I see I am but an amateur 
Free-verse bad poetry
Dr. Funk Posted Jun 27, 2001
What can I say? It's a gift, honed by years of practice.
Free-verse bad poetry
Sad, Mad or Bad? - I always wanted to be a dino, but alas, I'm just old. Posted Jun 28, 2001
My bad poetry just pales in comparison
Oh thou poet
Thou hast outdone me,
I who believed I could actually write
something that would make people cringe
Or perhaps illustrate
what Australians mean by technicolour yawns.
Free-verse bad poetry
Dr. Funk Posted Jun 28, 2001
St. Sag,
Example Two: Catechism: (The Spleen of) God
Q: Who is to judge worse and worsest? Not I,
Not the purple Omphalos, and not you, gelatinous you.
A: If Whitney Houston falls from the beak of a
Marauding rubber pterodactyl, could she fall any faster
To the hamstrung marsh, the house of meat, if Bobby Brown
Still loves her? Shut up! You have a point.
Q: I remember once--no, no, I remember all the time--
I remember the glistening synthesizer
Wriggling out of the radio--
A: --Do not play basketball with me, young man,--
Q: --while I tattooed Lorna Hershowitz (five foot two)
On the inside of my cheek. Tiny plastic robots with
Phlegm in their crabby eyes. I love you, or not.
A: --for it may rupture your...?
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Free-verse bad poetry
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