h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sex with a partner frequently gets less and less over time, especially if the relationship results in a marriage.

For example.

1. When two partners first meet the first couple of weeks are known as the "Smurf Stage" ie, they have so much sex that their faces go blue. At this stage sex is frequented with bouts of oral sex and lapping of bodily parts that would put an overactive labrador to shame.

2. Once all positions have been tried and the sex is falling into a "routine" (usually after a month) the couple will start to take each other for granted. Farting and belching in between mating is commonplace from both partners with the male occasionally forcing the partners head under the quilt "for a laugh" after first breaking wind. Foreplay is "brace yourself darling" and oral sex is only performed as a treat if you have cut the lawn, or bought a present etc etc.

3. If forceful in nature after two months the male will suggest something "different" to spice up sex such as anal sex "If you loved me you would do it!" or suggest a threesome with her "attractive" best friend.

4. After 2 months couples will only continue to have sex with each other if

a. they dont think they will get any elswhere.
b. they need money from partner or place to live.
c. they are best friends as well as lovers and will get married (thus making the 2 month relationship period drag out to a year, eventually resulting in divorce, misery and financial ruin).
d. they want to settle down and just have sex once on their birthday and at Christmas in between walking the dog and changing nappies.

hmm I've been with Si 4 months now, and we're still goin at it rather frequently. Though we are extremely good friends, I seriously doubt it'll be a lifetime commitment, and it would scare both of us if either of us brought up 'where's it all going'

and why does that scare men so much?????

Hmm tricky one that.

If he doesnt love you and you were to bring that up then you would probably both come to the inevitable question that "Is it worth carrying on if its not going anywhere". Because after you bring up the "where is it all going question" you will then be wondering if you can still just have sex with someone who isnt interested in you long term. Personally I can only stay with someone longer than 3 months if I am only really into them bigtime which due to my fussy nature isnt as often as I would like. Bummer huh.

Anyway Im not Dr Ruth, I'm Dr Crook ( a bitter sad fart).

hmm... Si and I have no commitment to each other really..... its just fun while it lasts (and its been a while!) and when it ends it will transform into a very strong best friend situation.... we're too alike not to. And that provokes another question.... Can you just be friends after.... I was with a guy almost 6 months. I'm moving in with him next year, yet their is only friendship between us....

Your moving in with an ex bloke!!!!!!?????

Hmmmm interesting. I reckon sooner or later you will be both pissed up in front of the telly one night, you may even be single again and feeling a little sorry for yourself, then you will get talking, and before you know it you will be at it like a couple of rabbits (who havent had it in months) that have been pumped full of aphrodisiacs.

All depends if you ever think of this guy as anything more than a close mate I guess.

I did.... we'll see, its not as if i'd mind having one more night with him...

aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ach... its not gonna happen, so i'm alright on that score

I 'll see you on Jerry Springer in 2 months then.......

I'm perfecting my *whatever* hand movements right now!

Reads forum and decides not to comment at this time.

Yes!!!

along with saying "Shutup, sit down, you dont know me"

WHATEVER.

shouting "Im no loser" as you try to run into the audience to attack the overweight chick in the 3rd row making L shaped hand movements at you.

hehe.... aw.. DD, you're fine! *hugs*

you dont know me! whatever!

i think i could get this cracked you know!

Still I'm not ready to comment.

Opens mouth to speak.

Shuts it.

Opens mouth again.

Decides its better he stay "shut up".