The Great Pub Cricket Challenge
Created | Updated Aug 13, 2008
As remembered through an alcoholic haze...or two.
The Rules
- Drinking should be encouraged at all times... as should sledging.
- No batsperson shall be dismissed unless they have either scored at
least one run or faced at least 5 balls. - All players must bowl at least 2 overs.
- Bowlers restricted to a 5 pace run up.
- No bouncers to be bowled.
- No LBWs.
- Batters to retire after 30 runs.
- The game will be played in 4 quarters, so that most of the team batting
first don't disappear straight after lunch. - There will be no 'drinks break', otherwise we won't get back to the pub
before midnight!!
The Game:
For a change it was a fine morning on the day of the biggest (and only) sporting event in the Carlisle Castle calendar. Players and spectators started pouring into the ground in their ones and twos from all points of the compass soon after the scheduled starting time. Many, suspiciously, from the direction of the 24 hour pub up the road.
First things first, the pub team arrives carrying the all important supplies (beer, ice, bathtub) which are quickly arranged in the correct order. Then the warm up. Once it has been established that the drinking arm is fully operational thoughts turn to the important matters at hand, such as what time people got home this morning, did anyone bring the ball and where's the guy who promised to bring the BBQ...
The pub has provided a new kit this year, which briefly engages the attention of the assembled throng as bats, pads, gloves and helmets are ripped from their packaging with a ferocity that would have made a school of piranhas proud. Helmets ???? What the $#%$! do we need them for? Where are the important things like... stubbie holders (beer coolers)?
Now the crucial part of the match, the 'negotiations' to decide on the composition of the two teams.The captains from each team come together for a gentlemanly discussion on the relative merits of the prospective players. After much to-ing and fro-ing, the teams are settled (usually with only the threat rather than the actuality of physical violence) and read out to the anxiously waiting drinkers. Much thought is put into splitting up good friends, couples etc to enhance the entertainment (oh, alright the sledging then).
The game itself is played in good, usually high, spirits by a bunch of people who for the most part can't bat, can't bowl and can't throw (a bit like the English cricket team, eh Shazz)(The cheek of it!... ed) but they don't let that stop them. After all, the winners are entitled to bragging rights for the rest of the year.
Once the first half of each team has batted (about eight each, depending on the weather) lunch is called.The game is poised on a knifes edge at this stage, not that anyone really cares as they rush to the bathtub for another cold beer. Thankfully the BBQ has now arrived and the empty gas bottle has been filled. One of the locals who is a chef has cooked up a storm, well as much as you can with sausages and fried onions. Goodness me, there is even a salad.
During the course of the afternoon unexpected heroes emerge, the mighty fall and copious amounts of alcohol are consumed, both on and off the field. Most importantly the cap that was passed around when the beer ran out has been filled to overflowing and more beer has arrived.
The game is over and we have won, but more importantly we can now go to The Carlisle before it gets too dark. The pub, which has been empty all day, is now full to overflowing with happy, sunburnt, sore, thirsty, drunken cricketers. The prestigious 'Peter (Eyebrows) Connolly Memorial Trophy'... a wonderful creation of a half cricket ball mounted on perspex with a gigantic pair of metal eyebrows protruding... is presented to the winning captain (yours truly). From here it is all downhill, with most players in bed, fast asleep, by around 8:30... only to awake in the morning badly hungover and unable to move.
Cricket was the winner on the day, or so I have been told. I can't really remember to be honest...!
