h2g2 Espionage
Created | Updated Jun 21, 2003
I threw the POST down on the virtual desk of my holistic detective agency. There it was in grey and blue: a public request for an investigation. After pondering my course of action for a few moments, I came to this conclusion: the people of the POST know me well enough to know that I come expensive. They must know what they're getting into.
My first course of action was looking at the basic facts: apparently, there was evidence that cameras were placed inside the monitors, which is why the public announcement said that the new browsing mechanism was on the right, instead of the left. Now, let's just be honest: people on h2g2 don't only use one kind of computer. People here use PCs, Macs, etc, and installing a camera to look through a transparent window at every single company is just too improbable for me to consider. Being the detective I am, I twisted that fact in my mind until I could logically (however, incorrectly) deduce that only one kind of computer was installed with the camera. Or was it a camera?
People kept saying 'through the window.' Well, that obviously pointed to Windows programs, but how could I use that? Sifting through all I had on Windows, I found an outdated program called 'Wicked Windows'. One of the little toys on this program was the ability to flip the screen and, 'see what the gremlins in your computer see.' So, there it was. The gremlins were at it again.
However, that still didn't explain how the misinformation got into the hands of the people at the h2g2 Towers. For this info, I needed to turn to my Ring Of Informants. So, I posted a question in the necessary forum, and waited for a reply.
Shortly, I received very important info from two of my informants. First of all, Joanna pointed out that there were usually many employees of TDV who came on to h2g2, but said very little. Then, Irving Washington brought to my attention the demonstration of what h2g2 will soon be like on the WAP service. Apparently, h2g2 will keep records of the preferences and interests of certain researchers, as well as a tracking mechanism that can inform h2g2 of a researchers current location.
It didn't take much holistic imaginings then to figure out what happened. The gremlins within our computers are (somehow) being paid by TDV to relay information on researchers so that the list can be started ahead of schedule. Now, while this may seem fairly devious and sinister, keep in mind that h2g2 is doing it in an attempt to make life for us researchers easier.
I recommend that we just politely ask TDV to cut it out, get rid of the gremlin project, and allow researchers to be as inconspicuous as they wish. As for the gremlins, rest assured that I am in the process of getting them out of the computers, and into a safer occupation, such as the postal service, banking, or zoo keeping.
Please note... this is a Joke!! Ed
