h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Having read this newly edited entry, I must comment that the rules laid out are good advice in any situation, including face-to-face.

I feel that the rude, confrontational approach is a contibutary factor to the general decline in our respect for each other.

Bullying tactics are totally unnecessary if your cause is just. If you have to bully, you must be unsure of the validity of your complaint.

In my work as a Purchasing Manager, I see it as a failure on my part if I have to lose my temper, as it detracts from my relationship with that supplier.

The same should apply in general life if you want to be welcomed by that business as a customer.

Let's have a little more respect and understanding.

JT

I have to agree. I've only had to take things back to the shop a few times. On each occasion I went up to an assistant who obviously wasn't too busy and politely told them what the problem was. They, equally politely, sorted it out to my satisfaction. (The first time it happened, I was about 17 years old and not used to complaining in a shop. It turned into a very positive experience, so now I'm OK with complaing and always do it politely.)

You don't have to agree, but I'm pleased that you do.

JT

I had the pleasu... uhh ... fun of working as a manager in the automotive repair industry for large multinationals, small chains, and independant garages.

The face-2-face guidelines given in the entry work fairly well for corporations. I grew exasperated with this kind of complainer when managing for BFC (Big Freakin' Corporation) because I quickly learned that no matter how stupid and ridiculous the demand was, the award went to the loudest complainer who climbed the ladder furthest; with this glaring exception: If legal threats were made, it was instantly forwarded to the legal department, and the customer was usually shut down with a terse letter. Likewise, if a grubby little rural lawyer looking for a lawsuit with BFC wrote the letter, he soon recieved a terrifying reply from our pool of sharks, and realized he was out of his depth.

HOWEVER, in the medium and smaller businesses, a very different pattern emerged. As both the manager, and the first point of contact, I was completely capable of resolving almost all complaints instantly without any authorization from anybody. Furthermore, the only rung in the ladder above me was the owner... good luck finding him, never mind complaining. I developed what I call the "French Waiter Method" (FWM). The principle works something like this: Shut rude ignorant complainers down instantly and invite them to please shop the competition. The effect is remarkable. The competition gets bogged down with high maintenance, low profit morons. The five people in line behind the idiot smirk and thank you for getting rid of him and somehow become loyal, profitable clients. I believe this technique works because it is assumed you are so damned good you can afford to be rude, and customers should feel priveliged to have their cars repaired by you. Hence the name I've christened it with.

N.B. If the complaint was acutally reasonable and solvable, it was not dealt with this way. It was solved instantly and in full view of any customers present. If we were at fault, I never ever ever tried to shift blame (damned faulty parts). Take it full on the chin and fix it instantly. Don't actually say "I'm sorry, ohmygod, how could this ever have happened!!!" and start the customer into hysterics. Instead try a kinda germanic approach: "This was clearly a mistake. This should not have been allowed to happen. I will deal with this instantly". Then go a step or two further than they expected. In fact, absolutely SHOCK them with the way you handle it. Conversely if it was apparent that, for whatever reason I could not blow the complainer off with The FWM, and I also didn't want to fix the problem, I simply agreed to fix it, took the keys and then took an amazingly long time to do so. Days. And I didn't fix it until they grovelled for their car back, and started using the word "please". This was an extreme measure I saw used to great effect. I think of it as "Breaking The Customer", much the same way a difficult horse can be broken for training... not that I train horses, but so I understand the process. BTW I'm not French, either. Nor have I ever been a waiter. Laughingly some of these broken customers did a 180 and became great clients, referring their friends and co-workers to me. Perhaps a pre-requisite for using these techniques is that you actually have to pony up and be really good at what you do. But, I doubt that it is in any business's interest to create a client base of skilled complainers. You're clearly bottom feeding at that point. Far better to hit the "eject" button.