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Hair-Growing Cat Soap

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Personal cleanliness has often been considered, rightly or wrongly, as something essential to really getting on in life. While it is entirely possible to pursue a full and satisfying existence without the use of things like water and soap, it can be pretty much taken for granted that the many successful people at least run through a shower once every couple of weeks. The fact that people don't necessarily feel that bathing or showering is a good use of their precious time has led some large chemical and pharmaceutical companies, and some small soap-producing companies, to seek ways to keep us amused for long enough to make the experience relatively painless.

One such way is to make the soap as compelling and amusing as is practically possible. The result is the 'Hair-Growing Cat Soap', a piece of non-perfumed soap about three inches tall in the approximate shape of a cute cat1 that, when removed from its vacuum-sealed plastic packet, starts growing wispy hair within 12 hours, which continues to grow for more than a week up to 10 millimetres in length.

Once the hair has grown to its fullest length the soap cat takes on a slightly disturbing appearance2 that usually will result in it being consigned to the darkest and most infrequently-visited area of your house. The hair is rather like the stuff that gets caught on sticky-tape when dragged across clothing after a particularly amorous encounter with a domestic pet. If a few strands are rubbed between the fingers, the 'hair' actually proves to be simple, white, slightly-waxy soap. Touching the cat's skin results in almost immediate, permanent hair loss in that area, damaging the fur irretrievably.

For those of a slightly sadistic bent, there is a final twist in the soap's entertainment value. A spot of amateur vivisection of the cat will reveal a small, hidden plastic mouse. Being nothing more than a droplet-shaped piece of red plastic, it may briefly provide some form of pleasure for those who appreciate the small print on cans of soup and cereal.

1Approximate in that most cats don't have their ears, mouths and eyes daubed with soluble paint and don't have mould-lines running around the entire circumference of their bodies.2Its appearance is akin to pieces of hairy cheese that appear in the gap behind the vegetable drawer at the foot of your refrigerator when you're spring cleaning, and/or are similar to the growths found on long-neglected dishes discovered under your bed when you first move into rented accommodation.

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