h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This article is what majorly hooked me to h2g2 two and a half years ago!

Anyway, myself and my brother (researcher Shelob) recently dicussed the titled phenomenon. Twas he who coined the term.

The ninja cyclist is a special crack squad of suicide assassins.

To be a Ninja Cyclist:

Dress in black or dark blue from head to toe. Preferrably ride a black or dark blue bike also.
Use no lights and make sure all reflectors are either non-existent, broken or covered in mud.

Now ride at twenty miles an hour around unlit (or lit - it still works) suburban roads at night waiting for some poor unsuspecting family saloon. When they are about to turn right at a junction cycle past furiously.

Clearly the driver will have absolutely no chance to see you before you are within inches of their bonnet. Both you and they will be killed in the ensuing crash. If you are lucky, you may involve innocent by-standers too.

Obviously the law in this country is against these people seeing as bicycle lights are compulsory in the Highway code but don't let this stop you.

Like most terrorist organisations the vast majority of Ninja Cyclists seem to be recruited at the UK's leading academic institutions both senior school and university.

When recognised and dressed down for this behaviour the required reponse to the concerned motorist is "F**k off!".

It is considered exceptional Ninja Cyclist technique to be blind drunk whilst attempting a suicide killing.

Surprisingly (or, on reflection not) the concept also works just fine if the Ninja Cyclist does the following:

a) Dresses from head to foot in day-glo yellow, of a shade that would give Stevie Wonder a migraine

b) Covers his bike entirely in reflective tape

c) Fits 20+W of headlights, more rear lights than are to be found on the average Christmas Tree and switches them all on

d) Obeys the Highway Code to the letter

Ah but then the assassin is in the car not on the bike

Such subterfuge is alas equally common on todays roads

Sadly, more likely more so: there's very little harm that can come to a driver who remains inside his car

Unfortunately it is too frequently apparent that, in order to obtain the road space one is entitled to, a cyclist has to convincingly create the impression that he values his life a good deal less thatn the surrounding motorists value their paintwork...

I agree entirely. I myself got knocked down twice as a Student when cycling in Southampton
Eventually I just gave up on it as it was simply no longer worth risking life and limb.

The ninja cyclist thing came from one night when I nearly killed a cyclist in my car. No lights or anything I only saw the cyclist as it went across me, inches from my bumper. You really cannot see them at all until it's far too late. This is entirely different from driving without due care and attention. I like to treat cyclists as I wanted to be treated when I was a cyclist.

I once dared to suggest on this very website that cyclists should be allowed back onto pavements. My justification for this is that cyclists are very unlikely to kill pedestrians whereas cars probably *do* kill many cyclists every year.

I got shouted down however. There are cases where cyclists can severely injure pedestrians and this had happened to one person.

I believe that, on average, collisions with cyclists kill about one pedestrian every year.



Given Newton's Third Law of Motion, the cyclists involved wouldn't be too happy either.

The overwhelming majority of the 3,500 fatalities caused by motor vehicle impact every year are cyclists and pedestrians: unfortunately I don't have a breakdown, but about 200 pedestrians are on pavements when they are fatally run over.

Cyclists can be as careless as anyone else (we're only human) but at least they're (usually) only risking their own lives. Given that modern cars are almost explicitly designed to get a complete idiot to his destination without hurting himself, the careless motorist risks lives and limbs that are not his own: it is not entirely unreasonable to expect more responsibility in this case.

A lot of the most extreme risks on bikes are taken by young men. Not too surprising, as that is what young men do. The consequences are a lot worse when they do it in cars.

I often say (only partly tongue in cheek) that all car airbags are on the wrong side....

I did hear of someone (in New York, I think) asking how differently people would drive if you outlawed seatbelts and replaced the airbag with a large metal spike...

John

I think there was a documentary about car safety where one expert put forward that suggestion, as there is definitely a correlation between driver behaviour and perceived personal risk.

Of course, until the late 60's, the steering column was effectively a spear...