h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

First off, I'm a 15 year old male from California, and no, I didn't just read this article because of the word sex. Teenage sex is an issue I deal with quite a bit, due to certain circumsyances.

I'm in love with a 14 year girl from Canada. Contrary to the usual one-month relationships teens are having thses days, we've been b/f & g/f for just short of a year now, despite having never met in person. I could go into excessive detail on this, but that's not my point.

For lack of a better word, we have had cybersex on multiple occasions, and both enjoyed it. HOWEVER, as we are both the unusual teens who wish to keep their virginity at least until they are older, possibly until marriage, we never actually "go all the way". Neither of us has "gone" any farther than we would be prepared to do in real life. For us, it's not "a sort of masturbation" as mentioned in the article, but more like a way to express out love for each other in lieu of a chance to do anything better. We "talk" half the time anyway.

My point is basically this: Cybersex isn't just masturbation, but can be a meaningful communication between two people who love each other very much. The question is just the context.

You say that you possibly won't have sex with your girlfreind until your married, or at least not until your older. If you intend to wait until your married I've just one thing to say to you, DON'T wait, at least not to long. If you have such strong feelings for this girl and love her deeply there's no reason for you to wait until marriage. Sex is wonderful and when, if, the time comes when you actually meet each other and possibly move in together then you'll see have much better real sex is than "cyber make-out"

But equally if you do want to wait that is cool to. Everyone is different and need to be true to themselves.

Umm - as the author of that quoted bit, perhaps I should explain what I mean...

all I was saying is that masturbation was once seen as wrong, as was phone sex, and I'm sure that a few years back writing "love letters" was seen as the work of a sick mind... Give civilisation a few years to adjust, and it'll be just another thing people do.

I never actually said it was a "sort of masturbation"... nor do I think it is...

Lucinda - "and what's wrong with browsing articles by the word 'sex'?"

Three answers for three messages:

NightSpirit: I don't doubt it would be wonderful. I don't doubt I would enjoy it. but I also don't doubt I would hate myself in the morning. I just think that while I consider myself mature enough to have a long-term relationship, I'm not mature enough to be having sexual relations with anybody, my girlfirend included. Besides, even if I did want to, I wouldn't be able to, due to the fact that we live around 1,000 miles apart and neither of us can bridge that gap for the time being.

Abi: Something like that. Though I think that, as a general rule, everybody should wait, because even people who think they are mature enough often aren't. The rate of teen pregnacies and STDs will back up my words. If these people were actually mature about sex, this sort of thing wouldn't happen.

MyRedDice: I apologize for misinterpreting your article. I stand corrected, and agree with your point. My thanks for your correcting my misperceptions. As for what's wrong with browsing for articles about the word "sex", nothing, really, except that it would portray me as some sort of immature 12-year-old who looks up the word sex in the dictionary for fun. While I have nothing against these people, I think I've rather gotten past that point.

I know that you are thousands of miles from each other. But some day you are bound to meet. And I'm just saying that it's a long wait until you're married. I don't know at what age most people marry in Californina, but where I come from (Sweden) marriage isn't that common for younger people. I've been going steady with my girl for more than a year and we are moving in together this fall. But to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, I don't know, I mean, who can tell what people we would be in ten years? Now don't misunderstand me, I would like to marry her, but not now, I think that we're still to young to marry. If we feel the same in perhaps 4-5 years, then we could start talking about marriage.
And when you get older, maybe you'll end up in bed with a girl,if you do, be true to yourself and the lady. I think as long as both of you knows what you are doing, there's no reason the hate yourselfs in the morning.

moonjack- you seem way to mature for 15...it cant be healthy to be thinking about morals and "being true to yourself" at this age!! the whole point of being a teenager is that you make mistake and rush into things!!why the hell not? so long as you use protection then whats wrong with feeling bad about it in the morning?? atleast you've had the experience! teenagers have hormones rushing around their bodies pounding out the message that they want you to have a drunken one night stand...and surely your own body wouldn't give you bad advice?!?

hey guys live and let live - if Moonjack wants to wait let him. I waited until I was nearly out of my teens and don't regret it. I know many of my friends who did it early on (in drunken one night stands) do. It doesn't make it wrong or right, its just how just other people's lives.

NightSpirit: That's exactly my point. While I do plan to wait the time it's going to take for us to get together, you never know what might happen in the meantime. If if turns out that things don't work out, I'd prefer not to have been that intimate. Sex is a major commitment, something you shouldn't do with just anybody. At my age, most relationships last around 3 weeks; I'm a long way past that average, but I still know there's the chance it could fall apart, especially considering the circumstances. If things last until I'm older, then I know my relationship will probably last, and I'll be a lot more comfortable having sex.

134094: Yes I'm awfully mature for my age. I could spend days unloading my personal problems on you, but let's just say that I've had my share of mistakes and rushing into things in the past, and I've grown up a lot faster than I might have liked. My body has given me very bad advice in the past, and I don't trust it for much anymore. And as for "just having the experience", For me that's like saying, "Why not get married just for the experience".

oh good god no - getting married is *far* to expensive to do it just for the experience. think of wasting all that money... *shudder*

Sex, on the other hand, is normally free...

Sorry but as an old fart (male) I have to say that seeing a teenager actually think about his (and his g/f s) actions and consequences is a relief, especially after a series of Channel 4 (UK TV) programmes on the attiudes of some teenagers to sex, (at 16 parent of 2, thinks child care is weekly visits etc) (nb the channel has what appears to be a good web site for teenage sex questions here [Broken link removed by Moderator]

OK, think about you actions, think about the consequences, but at the same time if it feels right at that monment occasional go for it.

Sorry is that a tad confused message? Basically don't hold back because what others think, if you have the intelegence to do the thinking yourself.

Have Fun

Kadu

I actually used to be somewhat good friends with a 16 year old with 2 kids, but he payed his child support. I say used because he got expelled, bu that was for unrelated reasons and to be honest, nobody is quite sure exactly what he was expelled for, including the kid himself.

Hmmm...I suppose there is something to be said for waiting, but if you don't, for God's sake discuss it first and make sure everything is clear between you. Okay, so teenage years can be a time for recklessness and a lack of foresight, but if you're about to do the business with someone who you're in a relationship with and don't want to lose, recklessness and and a lack of foresight will do you as much good as a hole in the head.

Hmmmm....I can't see why sex has to be thought out so much...but then i'm a pubescent teenager...so i guess i'm a bit biased.

I'm a post-pubescent teenager; does that make much difference?

I am a junior in high school in America. I just had an idea recently. With the internet being what it is, I figure within a year or so, an organization of nearly every high school student could be formed with the purpose of changing things, as this is the only way that it can happen. If every single person I met online posted information about this at their school, and every single person at their school talked to every single person they met online, and so on, well, you can imagine. The goal, of course, would be a nation-wide strike, which, as you can imagine, would go over well with most students. I feel that this is the only way to change our system, and this is my idea of what it should be. Attendence will be optional, but people will still go. Not every day, but this should not be the case anyways. People will go because the school will teach things that they actually need, and want, to know. An example of this would be a project in which students will design and build a small structure, which would be very interesting to me, and I would attend this. To someone else, this may not be interesting, so they may want to attend the pottery class, or whatever. But the point is, the environment will not be one in which children feel that their only escape is to bring automatic weapons to school, and shoot their peers. There will be no tests, as tests and grades are the basis of negativity and degredation in our school system. Take me for example, I am afraid to miss a day of school, even if I am throwing up every 10 minutes. I am afraid to do this because I will fall so far behind that I am guerenteed an average or less grade on a test, which will hurt my grade in the end, which will in turn lessen my chances in the future. It's no wonder that teenage depression is so high! Things will change.

There are just a couple of tiny flaws to the plan:

1) Not all, in fact the majority, of students do not have access to the internet. We cannot forget this.

2) Much as I may detest and abhorr maths, it wouldn't have been all that hot an idea for me to just not turn up.

3) Yes, the system has its flaws, but the ones that you seem to point out are that we shouldn't have to go to lesson we don't want to. This could be rather dangerous, given that under such a system I could legitimately decide that I don't want to go to any lessons at all. So it might be unpleasant occasionally, be there are somethings we need to learn, even if we don't want to.

I think IMHO that unfortunately nothing is going to change while adults lecture teenagers - and I say that is someone who is 27 going on 14!!!!! (I can strop for my country)

i'm 15, i hate school. i hate tests. most of all i hate the pointless "knowledge" that is being taught. Yes schools should be under more pressure to perform well...and maybe if school were optional they would have to improve to get students to turn up...but there are other ways... and as for the abolition of tests, tests are vital. grading is vital. without GCSE's (General Certifcate of Standard Education) and Alevels (Advanced) employers would have to test they're employees themselves. you say that you're afraid to miss a day incase you dont learn something for a test, good. Tests encourage people to learn for them. Most of what you learn at school won't be necessary for the future, infact around 90% won't be. but a good grade in a subject exam is very important. Even the subject of the exam (chemistry, english, maths etc.) isn't tremendously important. An employer will look at how many pass's you have, and how many A's or B's.
Apparently it is estimated that the 70% of the jobs we go on to do have not yet been invented, so it is impossible to learn the skills for them. But to show an employer that you're intelligent (ie. by showing him/her grades) will encourage him to train you. Also, if voluntary school did exist, i expect most people would only got to lessons that they thought would help them with a certain job... But nowadays most people go through at least three career changes in their employed life, with their first career lasting only an average of two years.

Sparky the Wonderdog.

First there is nothing called pointless knowledge, maybe it's useless to you but there are other to whom it's very good knowledge. I don't know how the school system works in your country, but here, when you're 15 you go to elementery school, you learn basic knowledge such as simple maths, chemestry, history and so on. When you grow older you read more and more specialized subject, hopefully the subjects you like reading. Then grades becomes more pointless, I don't say that they doesn't matter I only say they matter less and social skills matter much more.
The sexual education in school, why bother? Always use a condom, that would be enough.