h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was talking to President Obama the other day while we were comparing the length of our lives. "Vestie!" he said to me, "I've never met any one who has lived as long as you. How do you do it?"
"Well!" says I, "Let me tell you. When I was just a young boy when the world was black and white and the dinosaurs chased people round the Houses of Parliament I found a lucky vest. Nobody knows where it came from or who owned it before, but this vest had the initials G.O.D on it."
I showed it to Adam and he asked me to let Eve have a look. They'd never seen anything like it since they tended to go for more leafy attire.
"Is it from a tree?" asked Eve, who had quite taken a fancy to it and was draping it across her shoulders like a fox fur.
"I don't know where it's from." I said, "But I'm not about to give it away!" and I snatched it back from her thinking that I didn't want to lose an item of clothing that had the initials G.O.D. on it.
"Give it back!" shouted Eve and she called Adam to come and get it from me. Well I just ran. Adam wasn't wearing too much and wrestling with a naked man in a dinosaur infested Houses of Parliament is just not my cup of tea.
As I was running away I came across King Harold who was waiting for Norman the Corn Curer to cross the English channel and see to his feet. "What's that you've got there?" he asked me. "Where?" says I. "In your hand!" says he. "It's my vest!" says I.
Well, he took a good look at that vest and says that he lost it while taking a bath. I could see that he was trying to have me on so I offered him some of my bubbly chocolate bar to take his mind off things. Anyway at that very moment Norman arrived on the scene and Harold raised his hand in a salute and ended up with an Aero in his eye. Boy did that tale get changed over time.
Anyway I decided to put the vest on and then that would stop people asking me questions about it.
Funnily enough when I put the vest on I blacked out. Everything was spinning and I saw history fly by me. Everything from the Sphinx building the pyramids to the invention of all the different chip flavours from salt and vinegar to silicon.
Anyway, here I am today Mr President, and to prove it I'm still wearing the vest.

Just so!