h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Does anyone remember:

"Shine your buttons with Brasso,
It's only three ha'pence a tin.
You can buy it or knock it from Woolies
It's always full up to the brim."

Sung, I think, to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean.

three ha'pence = a penny ha'penny = a penny + a halfpenny = one and a half old pence
Knock it = knock it off = steal it
Woolies = Woolworths = Business that used to sell very cheap items, now only trading on the internet.

That was the chorus, which followed on as a punchline to the verses.

My father's a lavatory cleaner
He cleans them by day and by night
And when he comes home in the evening
He's covered all over with . .

Chorus:

Shine up your buttons with Brasso
It's only three ha'pence a tin
You can buy it or whip it from Woolworths
But I don't think they've got any in

Yes, that's the one! We must have had a regional variation on the knock it/whip it and the full up and none in stock options.
The first verse was very similar, though.

Was it what we sued to call a rugby song?

Some say that he died of pnumonia
Some say that he died of the blight
But i know what my old man died of
He died of the smell of the . .

Chorus:

Shine up your buttons with Brasso
It's only three ha'pence a tin
You can buy it or whip it from Woolworths
But I don't think they've got any in


some say that he's buried in gravel
some say that he's buried in grit
but i know what my old mans buried in
He's buried in a pile of . .

Chorus:

Shine up your buttons with Brasso
It's only three ha'pence a tin
You can buy it or whip it from Woolworths
But I don't think they've got any in

Oh the memories...

and another song

one night in gay Paree'
i paid 5 francs to see
a big fat french cheree'
tattooed from head to knee

and on her jaw
was a british man'o'war
and on her back was a union jack
so i paid 5 franc more

and up and down her spine
were the RAOC in line
and on her lilly white bum, bum, bum
was a picture of the rising sun, sun, sun

and on her fy
was al jolson
singing 'MAMMY'
how i love her
how i love her
how i love my mother in law

I think we'll need to rename this thread "Rugby Songs What I Have Sung"

Sung to the tune of the chorus of the Battle Hymn of the Republic:

Verse 1
"Oh Sir Jasper do not touch me!
"Oh Sir Jasper do not touch me!
"Oh Sir Jasper do not touch me!"
As she lay between the lily white sheets
with nothing on at all.

Verse 2
Oh Sir Jasper do not touch!
Oh Sir Jasper do not touch!
Oh Sir Jasper do not touch!
As she lay between the lily white sheets
with nothing on at all.

Verse 3

Oh Sir Jasper do NOT!
Oh Sir Jasper do NOT!
Oh Sir Jasper do NOT!
As she lay between the lily white sheets
with nothing on at all.

Verse 3

Oh Sir Jasper DO!
Oh Sir Jasper DO!
Oh Sir Jasper DO!
As she lay between the lily white sheets
with nothing on at all.

Verses 4, 5 and 6 continue removing one word.

Verse 7 Think when Harry Met Sally...
Oh!
Oh!
Ooooooooooooooh!
As she lay between the lily white sheets
with nothing on at all.