h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm from Scotland (as in from northern GB not USA). I was surprised to hear it's also place in Pensylvania (Just goes to show how unimaginative colonists are when it comes to place names). But I really must take issue with Scotland(UK) being called 'quaint' which according to the dictionary means- 'unusually attractive in an old-fashioned way'.
Scotland is a miserable rain-washed dump of a place which even your President Kennedy thought only good for the storing of nuclear missiles. The country sags under the weight of bureaucracy and incompetant politicians. While at the same time cannot move forward because it is chained by westminster. The youth of the country have no future and instead turn to drugs and knives, many simply commit sucide rather than grow up in this hell spawned place. The few young people with money are either drug dealers or leaving for foreign work. The countrys heritage in the form of Castles and other historic places are crumbling as local councils continue to slash budgets in a desperate attempt to get out of debt. But this is nothing compared to the plight of the elderly and the infirm.
As you can see 'quaint' is not a good discription of your
towns namesake.

The word "quaint was used by me, a New Zealander who subbed the yarn, not the American author.

Rehash, maybe you should emigrate to NZ. There are many Scottish people living wonderful lives here.

'Ye rats, ye are too many
If ye would dine in plenty
Ye mun go, ye mun go'

'Go to Campbell's garden
Where nae cat stands warden,
And the kale, it grows green.

Go and fill your bellies,
Dinna stay and gnaw my wellies -
Go, ye rats, go!'

HaHa.

But why would anyone want to leave?

DESTINATION SCOTLAND

Its people are feisty, opinionated and fiercely loyal. The country is wild, untamed and beautiful. The bad climate adds an edge to both. Buoyed by the continued irritant of England on its doorstep, Scotland has survived encroachment and brass-monkey weather - and its people have a rock-solid identity and sense of self. On top of that, the Scots haven't eaten their waterways and forests bare. Scotland's hill lamb, beef, venison, trout and salmon are highly prized, and game birds such as grouse and pheasant abound. Wash all this down with a shot or two of the world's best whisky and you'll be warming very quickly to the Scottish way of life.

Yeah you could also go on a Haggis hunt if you want.