I suppose it's because I have so much time on my hands these days, that all these memories come flooding back to me.

I would like to share a couple of stories that have come into my memory over the past couple of days. I have previously shared a few stories with you all over the past few months and thought that you would appreciate hearing these.

As you know during my working life I worked both on and offshore in the oil construction business, and obviously had to live on the job as it were.

My first story is from the time when I got a job as a sub contractor welding inspector in one of the oil construction yards up in the North of Scotland. I had just completed a short term contract out in the North Sea and had spent a week or so at home prior to this job becoming available. It was in the dead of a bitterly cold winter when I drove north towards this site and I knew that there was no way I could be able to drive home every night. The road conditions were deplorable to say the least, and it took me a long time to drive the seventy six miles from my home to the site. It was just as well that I had allowed extra time for the journey.

Upon my arrival I was told to report to the site office down in the yard and was surprised to learn that I was going to be put straight onto my first shift as soon as I got there. They put me on the night shift and told one of the lads to show me round the project. But he seemed confused as to what he was doing and I was ever so glad when I saw a familiar face when we went into one of the houfes¹. I had worked with him before when I was a welder on another site. He stopped work and started to show me round the job as we caught up with each others news. In fact, by the time we had covered the whole project, I had met several other familiar faces from days gone by so I felt a bit more at ease with it all. At the end of the twelve hour shift I was shattered, what with the drive up then going straight on shift to a new job. It had all taken its toll on me.

So I was tired, wet and hungry when I arrived at the accommodation block to sign into my room. Now when I say accommodation block, I don't mean a fancy style building made of bricks. No, it was more your average port-cabin stacked up on top of each other. The toilet block with the showers was at the far end where all the night shift workers were put. So I signed for my key and headed off to my cabin really looking forward to a good sleep. No sooner had I showered and prepared for bed when some one knocked on the door. It appeared I was in the wrong section; I should be in the foremans block. So I packed all my gear and moved even though I explained to the clerk that I was quite happy where I was. But he was determined to move me.

By the time I had arrived at my new cabin with all my kit, I was just ready to sleep - all I wanted was sleep. Just as I was dozing off into a wonderful sleep I heard a crashing noise and suddenly my feet felt really cold and wet. I jumped up to discover that the wind had blown the window at the bottom of my bed clean out, along with the frame, and the snow was blowing on to my bed!

Now by this time I was really annoyed, angry and very tired, so when the clerk arrived to tell me that I had to move cabins again, I lost it! My temper was starting to show and, as I came down the flight of stairs up to my cabin in pursuit of the clerk - who was pretty fast on his feet, which saved him from my wroth, I saw a sheet of block board lying on the ground. This, along with the sound of some one hammering up at the far end gave me an idea.

Not long after that I had one of the joiners, who was erecting new cabins at the far end, hammering this sheet of block board over the gap where the window used to be; at least he found the whole thing amusing. I gave him a message to give to the clerk at the accommodation office on his way back. The message was; 'Do Not Disturb the bloke in cabin seven, as he is sleeping, (all be it in the dark)'.

The other incident happened while I was working off shore on a hook-up project and living on an accommodation barge, semi submergible. The accommodation was made from port-a-cabins which were stacked five high and would move with the motion of the barge and the strong winds that blew out in the North Sea. We all got used to the swaying movement, but what we found more annoying was the everyday noise that comes with normal working, keeping us night shift workers awake. That, along with the fact that the north-facing flare stack was being modified, which meant the flare nearest our block was being used to flare off all the excess gas. This made the temperature in our block so high that we had to line the inside of our windows with cooking foil from the galley to try and keep the heat down inside.

The end result of this was that all the night shift workers were not getting enough sleep. This, in turn, led to frustration and tempers flaring up at very short notice. In the end they asked me to go up and see the OIM² to register our complaint. The reason they picked me to do this was because I had been out there on a different project as a welding supervisor, so I had met him previously. I was not totally in agreement with their reasons for selecting me but then again, if it meant an improvement with the situation, I was prepared to risk it.

The meeting went well, in as much that at least I got his attention for a few moments, and he did agree that he would try to improve the situation. So with that in mind and the fact that all the rest of the lads appeared to accept it, I went back to my oven type cabin and went to bed. A few hours later I was awoken by a heavy thumping sound that shook the whole block, followed by a scraping sound. Within a few seconds I found myself lying in my bed looking up at a rigger staring down at me! The wind and rain came pouring in onto my bedding. All I could do was just stare up at this bloke in total disbelief and amazement.

It transpired that they were moving round some containers in a bid to build a wall of containers between us and the heat and noise. During this shifting around a container had been placed on the roof of my cabin and it had torn away the roof as they were replacing it. Of course, by the time they had moved it, my cabin was soaking wet from all the rain pouring in and the insulation was hanging on top of my bed.
Needless to say I had to move accommodation yet again and by the time all this had taken place, it was time for me to go back on shift. So it appeared that the only person who suffered any inconvenience was the one who went up to try and improve the situation. Yes, me!

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