ISP slow? e-mail getting you down? Get it off your chest with a verse or two of Blues. Just post your lyrical musings and I'll try and work them in, so go on, get singing The Virtual Blues.

The Virtual Blues

Woke up this mornin',
found my server had been canned.
Logged on this mornin',
found my inbox had been spammed.
I'm feeling meaner than a grizzley,
I got them Virtual Blues again..

Woke up last year,
Wanted my Guide Entries approved.
Logged on this mornin'
And h2g2 still ain't moved.
Slow subbin's got me sobbin'
I got them Virtual Blues again..

Got no sleep last night,
'Cause my entry was rejected.
Got no sleep last night,
But my journal's been neglected.
Things ain't going right now,
I got them Virtual Blues again..

Woke up with the blues,
And I'm feeling kinda down,
Logged on to h2g2,
There was no-one else around,
Last post, no replies,
I got them Virtual Blues again..

Been on-line so long now
My lover just don't understand.
Gotta pay my phone bill,
Can someone please lend me a grand?
That phone bill keeps on rising
I got them Virtual Blues again..

Woke up this mornin'
And headed for my h2g2,
But I got no energy.
Even my smiley face feels so blue,
His grin is forced.
I got them Virtual Blues again...

Couldn't get on this mornin'
Work had me on the go,
Fin'lly got on at Lunchtime
H2G2's goin' slow
Slow, slow server
I got them Virtual Blues again...

I'm bluer than the background,
On an h2g2 page.
I'm cursin' at my cursor,
And every download takes an age.
In a jam on the Superhighway
I got them Virtual Blues again...

I'm Blue and I'm Lonely,
All my friends have logged away.
It seems that I'm the only
Researcher here today.
I'm gonna get me some Health Warning,
I got them Virtual Blues again...

You know my proxy server,
It dies each and ev'ry day.
It seems that H2G2,
Just comes and goes away.
Error connecting...
I got them Virtual Blues again...

I can't move my mouse hand,
My fingers have all gone to sleep.
I can't stand, and I ain't comfy sittin'
I'm just frozen and I weep.
I've got no energy to do nothing,
I've got them virtual blues again...

Been sitting at my screen so long
That now my back is achin'
And I'm gettin' eye-strain
And my heart is breakin'.
Researchin' made a wreck of me,
I've got them Virtual Blues again...

You write 16 Posts,
And what do you get?
Another huge phone bill
And deeper in debt.
Oh Peta, please call me, 'cause I'm in pain
I got them Virtual Blues again...

The only e-mail I'm gettin'
Is article rejection slips,
The only snail-mail's me phone bill,
Me social life's in an eclipse.
How do I get outta this life I'm stuck in?
I've got the Virtual Blues again...

I'm unconscious on the floor,
And my head just keeps spinnin',
I can't take any more,
But me day is just beginnin',
All I've got is my hangover,
I've got those Virtual Blues again...

When I close my eyes
All I see is a blue screen
I've got it so bad
I'm answering posts now in my dreams
Wake up to find been asleep at my keyboard,
I got then Virtual Blues again...

When you're in cyberspace,
No-one can hear you cry,
And I feel like uploadin'
To the great site in the sky.
But who'd keep my homepage updated then?
I got them Virtual Blues again...

My keys keep a'stickin'
Ain't no in in my inbox
My keys keep a'stickin'
My heart takes a lickin'
The stickin's from drinkin'
I got them Virtual Blues again...

Since my baby left me,
My heart's a broken link,
My whole life's one big "Error" page,
I've turned to virtual drink. c|_|
My counter ain't been hit since I don't know when,
I've got them Virtual Blues again.

Woke up this morning
Headed straight for my PC
Wished I had more loving
cos my visitor book was empty
Ain't no Researchers calling
I've got them Virtual Blues again.

Each mornin' when I log on,
I don't know what to think,
It says "This product is licenced",
But it wont serve me a drink.
Bill Gates owes me a thousand pints,
I got them Virtual Blues again.

I'm in too many forums,
I keep getting too confused,
When I go into a new conversation,
I'm not sure which's being used.
I keep getting lots of agro,
I've got those Virtual Blues again..

I can't get applications working,
RealAudio's playing up,
The links are crashin' down around my head,
And I am well fed up.
I got the blues,
I got the Virtual Blues again...

Just so many problems,
There's only half that I've said.
I've spent so long correcting them
I haven't been to bed.
I got the blues,
I got the Virtual Blues again.

Can't get to my computer,
It's in London and I'm not.
I'm in a public library,
And Netscape's all they've got.
There's slow, dead slow, then Netscape,
I've got them virtual blues again.

H2G2's now gone Ripley,
Click for newer posts all day,
Someone stuck a tongue out at me
I don't know what to say,
I don't know what skin to wear,
I've got the Virtual Blues again.


Windows won't open

realplay won't close

my anti virus is infected

I'me too sleepy and begin to doze

I've got the blues

I've got the Virtual Blues again.


I just go on posting

but no one seems to reply

your only as alive as you feel

virtually dead, I've died

I've got the blues

I've got the Virtual Blues again.

The Band

Blind Orange Ormondroyd Original concept and verses 1 ,2, 5*, 8*, 12, 13 (After Tennessee Ernie Ford), 17, 19, 21 and 25

BluesSlider Lyric tweaking, verses 4, 7 and virtual Slide Guitar

Bluebottle (He of the variable name extensions) Verses 3*, 9*, 11*, 14, 15, 22 and 26

English Ben Verse 6

Crescent ACE Verse 10*, the original is better but it's a whole new song which is now here.

Demon Drawer Verse 16 and original inspiration for The Virtual Doughnut Blues

Zmrzlina Verse 18*

Metal Chicken Verse 20*

'Bluetonic' Necro Verses 23 and 24

2Legs Verses 27*, 28*

Verses marked * have been tweaked, completely without permission of the original authors to see the original versions go to the discussion below.

Also in The Virtual Blues Collection

The Virtual Doughnut Blues
The Microsoft Blues
The Spilled Beer Blues