Smudger Snippets
Created | Updated May 12, 2004
I suppose it's because I have so much time on my hands these days, that all these memories come flooding back to me.
Emotions
They say that there are three things that cause us humans the most stress; bereavement, moving house and divorce. At some time in our lives every one of us is going to affected by at least one of those above. If you're really unlucky you will come in to contact with all three and even more unlucky if they are closely linked.
Each person has their own way of coping with the stress that these emotional times can cause. Divorce seems to be more common these days, and it's hard to explain to someone - it's just one of those things which you have to go through to believe. I came into contact with many divorced men while I was working away from home and thought at the time that the horror stories they told me were exaggerated. How wrong could I be! It was when I, myself, was going through a divorce that their stories came back to haunt me. What makes a person change so much, from the loving wife you once knew, into a money-grabbing, selfish, hostile person?
Greed has a big part to play when this happens and you find yourself falling out of love quicker than you did when you first fell in love. I suppose, in my case, divorce was inevitable as I was working away from home so much that we basically just went our separate ways. It leaves a scar and a lot of bad memories along with the fact that you have just lost everything you worked so hard for over all those years.
Happiness comes at a price, but it's well worth paying for especially if you are lucky enough to find a new partner in life who is prepared to start a new life with you when really you should be already settled and comfortable in your middle age. Your new partner has to come to terms with the fact that you will never be rich as regards to money, due to maintenance and alimony which is part of the price previously mentioned.
Bereavement also brings it own kind of emotions which are similar to divorce in certain ways. You find yourself thinking back to all the happier days before the death of the one you are mourning. It can catch you unawares if it was a sudden death. If, on the other hand, there had been a long illness before the death, you would have had time to prepare for your loss. It would normally be a Grandparent you would lose first, and it would be at a time in your life when you were too young to understand. Yet, like divorce, death doesn't run to a schedule in your life and you will have to come to terms with it in your own time when it does.
Moving house, on the other hand, is something you can control as it is you that decides the dates and have ample time to make all the arrangements. There is something rather sad about packing your life up into little boxes and leaving a house that you have had many fond memories in. There is also the excitement of moving into your new house and you have ideas about where all your furniture is going to go and the changes you're going to make to the décor. It is supposed to be a happy day for all concerned, so why do you find yourself crying as you take the last look around? You hear, in your mind, the children's laughter and tears and think how different it all looks now that all the furniture is out. Your emotions are so mixed up you don't know whether to laugh or cry. It is then you need the reassurance that you are doing the right thing.
The same emotions come to mind when you are at a funeral. Part of you will be recalling all the good times of a life well-lived, yet another part of you is mourning a loss. You find yourself wondering if you should be laughing or crying. Some people are lucky and do not have much contact with death and bereavement or even divorce. Yet others will come into contact with them more often than they can handle.
We never really get used to death; we just learn how to cope with it as we struggle on through life going through all the pigeon holes, like your first girlfriend or your first car. It's all like a game really, where you have to go through as many pigeon holes as you can before you die. Some people will go through a lot more that others, yet I think it's what we take with us as we jump from one pigeon hole to another that counts and what we learned from it before moving on. We may leave the pigeon holes empty as we move on, but we will always have the same memories and emotions.
