Smudger Snippets
Created | Updated May 5, 2004
I suppose it's because I have so much time on my hands these days, that all these memories come flooding back to me.
The Tree in The Garden
During my career in the oil industry there were times when I had to take up other employment due to slack periods in the oil game. I took up a job with a national removal company who had a branch in my home town. Part of this job meant being away from home, which was not popular with most of the men in that depot. With this in mind the management paid an overnight expense which really made this kind of trip really profitable for those of us who did not mind being away from home.
I found myself teamed up with a bloke who was not very popular with the rest of the lads, due to his boring lifestyle and his lack of a sense of humour. He was dry to say the least, and it was quite normal to travel for two hours without a word being said.
I had just completed the 'West coast run' (as we called it) where I used to go alone and pick up the porter at the other end. Now this porter was not a full time employee. In fact, to be honest, he wasn't even part time. He was just a local bloke who lived on the island who used to help us with loading or unloading and got his cash-in-hand payment on completion of the work. All we had to do was make sure he signed the receipt for his wages, which we were given prior to leaving the depot.
This particular porter that I always dealt with on the island of Lewis was a real character; in fact he was a bit of a lad, and well known to the locals. He was also the local ambulance driver and, on one occasion when I went to his house to pick him up for a job, his mother told me he was out cutting peat. This fact was borne out by the fact that the ambulance was jacked up on to blocks, as he had the wheels from it on his pick up, as they had better tyres than his.
So it was different for me to say the least, to find myself stuck with this other totally boring bloke as a work mate. Still, I was told it would not be for long, I really did need the extra overnight expense money and this lorry was the only one going south that weekend.
Our first incident happened the very first night we were away, at the service station near Lancaster. He parked up the lorry at the opposite side of the motorway which meant we had to cross the footbridge to the other side to have a wash and general clean up. It was quite a distance to walk, especially fighting against the strong wind and rain, and I was muttering words of discontent about his parking so far away from the bridge in the first place. It was only after we had completed our cleaning up that we found that the bridge had been closed!
We had not noticed the sign on our way over, due to having our heads down and battling the weather, so there we were on the wrong side of the motorway clutching our toilet bags and towels standing in the pouring rain. I decided that I was not going to just stand there and get wet so, as soon as I saw a break in the traffic, I made a mad dash across the first set of lanes of the motorway. Now I was halfway over and looked back to see if my driver had followed, but he was still standing there looking forlorn and lost.
I kept watching the traffic, looking for a gap and, as soon as I saw one I was away again at full speed, in fact I was running so fast that I even managed to clear the crash barrier in one jump. I had made it and, wiping the rain water from my eyes, I looked across only to see him still standing there. When I got back to the lorry, I dried myself off and had a cigarette before going to bed. It was quite some time later before my workmate arrived, and he was soaked after standing out in the rain for so long.
He started to give me a hard time for my desperate run across the motorway, until I reminded him that it was he who had decided where to park and that the only other option was to wait until seven the next morning for the footbridge to be reopened.
So with not much more conversation we got our bunks made up above the cab for the nights sleep. It was not long before I found the main reason that no one wanted to work with this bloke away from home; he snored! And not just that but he was really loud, so loud that I gathered all my gear and went into the back of the lorry and made up a bed from cardboard wardrobe boxes on top of the load.
It was surprisingly comfortable and warm sleeping there and I could hear the rain pattering as it hit the fibreglass roof of the lorry. I was only a few inches from the roof so I could feel the wind rock the lorry as well; this movement soon rocked me into a deep sleep.
In the morning we woke early as we had a full day ahead. We had to deliver two house loads of furniture and also the belongings of two families - the trouble was that they were miles apart.
The first delivery went well despite the wind and rain, which soaked us along with the load, but at least we were half empty now. We set off to deliver our last load feeling really tired and, to make matters worse, the bad weather followed us all the way down south. It was around four in the afternoon by the time we found the house and it was getting dark, the weather was just terrible.
After we had opened the back doors and laid down the ramp to get started, there was a really loud bang that startled the both of us as we were uncovering the furniture. It turned out, upon investigating the cause, that the wind had ripped the clip from the back of the lorry that held the back door open. When we tried to repair it we noticed that the impact had even twisted the hinges to the back door, so my workmate came up with the idea of tying the door to a small tree in the garden to hold it open.
Now this tree was the pride and joy of the new owners of the house, as they explained to us that they had lived in flats all their lives and never owned a tree before. The idea of tying the door to it worked well and we managed to empty the load without any further problems. On completion of the job we were exhausted, wet and hungry, so we were really keen to get away and parked up somewhere for the night. So keen in fact that we forgot to untie the back door from the tree in their garden and, as we pulled away from the house, so alas did the tree!
It was not until we were well away before this was noticed by the driver, as his mirrors were all steamed up. So we had to carry this prize possession tree back to its owners and apologise profusely as we dug a hole to replant it. On top of that we had to then make temporary repairs to the back door to stop it flapping as we drove along.
This turned out to be the very worst trip I had ever done since starting with that company and, upon our return, I asked if I could be given my old run to the Western Isles back as, even with all its hazards, it was safer than working with that Jonah.
