h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Despite its name, Disneyland Paris, is a long way out of Paris itself. Nicely in the middle of nowhere, making it an ideal place to fleece their visitors.
I wasn't there with any kids, it was where some dumb-ass computer software company decided to have its annual user conference. So I won't talk about it from the perspective of a family outing but as a place you are forced to stay and survive for a few days alone when attending a conference.

Most importantly - do not (unless you have an endless expense account) drink at Disneyland's one and only nightclub. There is no entrance fee if you stay at one of the onsite hotels and it's not a totally awful disco, but a single Jack Daniels and Coke will set you back the best part of ten pounds (sterling)!

There is however an alternative - you can ride on the Metro to a small town called Torcy and take a short walk to its vast hypermarket.
There you can stock up on cheap vino, beer and spirits - plus some fantastic and cheap cheese, bread etc.
Then return to your hotel and get someone to distract the hotel porter while you smuggle all your goodies back to your room. Et voila...enough to get you through your visit.
Also, staying in one of the onsite hotels entitles you to free use of another hotel's pool, sauna and gym.

Things to avoid (all in IMHO) -
* Under-age French Lolitas on the prowl for anyone to get them into the aforesaid 'Hurricanes'.
* Do not (under any circumstances) watch the 'Disneyland' TV channel - it is a hideous self-promotional programme on a loop which shows the same programme in French,English and German and then repeats...forever.
* Any of the on-site events - e.g. do you want to spend twenty pounds sterling to sit amongst a horde of screaming children eating bad steak and beans watching French horseriders pretending to be cowboys?
But hey you will get a 'free' hat!
* The Cinema shows Hollywood films but they are dubbed into French and no sub-titles.
* If at any stage you have time off and think of going into the main Disneyland park itself - the queues for rides can mean it takes over an hour and a half to get on a ride.
* The last train back from Paris to Disneyland leaves before midnight which just about rules out going out in the City itself unless you can find somewhere to stay the night. Taxis are NOT cheap.

I managed to learn these valuable lessons and survive, and you can too!
- TWF

If you have an aversion to American accents Disneyland Paris gives you Disneyland with commentary you may/may not understand... but you still get to "fly" on Dumbo, hear "It's a Small World" and see the "Star Wars" ride. I succumbed one day when most museums I hadn't seen were closed. It was a fun, if expensive day out. The light parade deserves all the praise. The hint for Disneyland Paris is that of all parks... get there early and go to the most popular ride first... I was there in winter and many rides that look like they have formidable summer queues were pretty much "walk on" affairs.

The Indiana Jones rollercoaster is one of the tamest I have ever been on in a "top flight" amusement park...don't waste time queueing for it.

I'm not sure how accurate my informationis here, but about 8 years ago, I visited a housing complex in Marne la Vallee (which is where the filnm Brazil was filmed) - and is apparently quite close to where Disneyland Paris now is (it wasn't there then). Amazing and bizarre architecture - definitely worth a visit.

Amazing and bizarre? Sounds good! *thinks* I'll visit that one. An American friend who hasn't travelled asked told me she fancied going to Disneyland. I avoided sending a response. I don't think she'd still be writing to me if I did