h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Paris!

My favourite city in the world! City where everyone is or has been on 2 wheels! Where they are polite and make room for bikers, in spite of the amazingly barking traffic. The theory there is, if you knock a biker or a scooter off, it maybe your mother or your boss. Round the infamous 'Peripherique', the gaps between the lanes are so big, most bikers do at least double or triple the speed of other moving traffic. Nobody cares, run red lights as long as nobody else is using them, split lanes as much as you like, overtake on a solid white line, its loads of fun. Warning! If a gendarme (copper) signals you to pull over, even one on foot, do so. I have seen the pull guns on recalcitrant drivers. This is only shocking to English people, I know.

Camping: There is a campsite inside Paris called the Bois De Bologene, which is quite cheap, and ideal for exploring Paris. Its on a main road, and you can ride in, park up beneath the Effiel Tower (very easy to find), and spend the day sightseeing by:

Metro: The Paris underground. Go to a metro station (there's one near the Bois De Bologene, even), approach the ticket window and say:
'Jam er az un carnay duh tick ay, sih voo play'. This is the only piece of french you ever need to know in Paris. The ticket operator will take your money (french francs, as opposed to anybody elses francs) and give you ten tickets that will enable you to take any overground or underground train within Paris. The metro is usually quite clean, though with a large number of beggars and pedlars. As any underground system, get a map, but don't study it too loudly or obviously cause people will know your a tourist. (As opposed to reading your t-shirt, which is clearly marked 'Tourist'.)

The Louvre: THE world famous art museum, in case you were educated in England in the last few years, or otherwise didn't know. The Mona Lisa hangs in here, but isn't very interesting to look at, really. Like all good museums (http://www.h2g2.com/A187652 -British Museum), you should plan to spend the whole day here at least. The Venus Di Milo also wanders round, scareing people who think 'Where ARE her arms? Did he just not get the hang of hands, or what?' Loads of fun stuff to see.

Eating: For cheap eats (those on a serious budget) live out of supermarkets. Find the cheapest one near where you're staying, the one the Parisiens use. Water should be around 1 to 2 francs a bottle, this stuff is perfectly drinkable, even to non-parisiens. All good things should be available - fresh fruit and veg, meat, cheese and chocolate. Tins with stuff in you should be able to identify by the picture on the label, and packets of other stuff you might fancy. The continentals expect you to weigh and bag your own fruit and veg, and print out the appropriate label. There is a simple machine with big buttons with pictures on for doing this near the fruit display. Best of all, you get to the checkout, the girl passes it all through, warbles a mouthfull of high-speed french and you just look at the display then give her the appropriate money. No french needed, other than Merci - thank you.

If you've got a good phrasebook (which you really must have, it's very rude not to) you can try a resturant; you really should, being in Paris and all. If you make an attempt to speak French and are not being obnoxious, the staff will try their best to help you out and get what you want. Hopefully - compare with Nuremburg, where I got fried potatoes with a side of potatoes, fried in a different way. This is true for all countries other than your own, anyway. (Being polite and trying to speak the language, not the potatoes)

Paris is a very beautiful city on the whole, with some amazing buildings and fine sights to see. Parisiens are the same as most big city people really, most are more relaxed and sure of the citys reputation, is all.

Ah, here you are - erm, got booted of ICQ, wouldn't let me back in...hope to get back in a mo

Pretty much one of my favourite places too - I never get to spend much time there, unfortunately, but end up walking everywhere as much as I can, taking it all in.

Walking round Paris in the autumn -*Heaven*

Yep .. I think I'll make an excuse to my boss for a visit shortly. Formidable.

Me! Me! Me! Can I come too? Oh please can I? And Peta, and.. and..
Your boss is a nice person? Aren't they? They'll provide tickets for 300 H2G2 researchers for to carry your luggage?

H&K
Z

OK,

Meet you at place Victor Hugo 10am tomorrow. Everybody grab a corner - and heave ho.

I will ask Mark - if all my h2g2 friends can come too...

Yaaay! We're going to Paris. When do we set off, Peta?

H&K
Z

A short word of advice about the Bois de Boulogne, which you seem to enjoy very much - it is, indeed, a lovely place during the day.

Didn't you notice the extraordinarily busy traffic that takes place in some areas of the Bois de Boulogne every night? The "Bois de Boub", as Parisians call it, is probably the largest transvestite spot in Europe and, in all cases, a truly entertaining night excursion for many an hilarious tourist. Trust me.

Er, no, I didn't notice a thing! Blond as a bat me, sometimes!

H&K
Z