h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you are convinced of the identity of the celebrity encountered, there are a number of protocols that members of the public are expected to observe. In no particular order they include:

1) Approaching the celebrity, and no matter what they are doing (eg shopping, strolling along with their offspring, in the middle of a meal), DEMAND that they give you an autograph in an autograph or any part of your body you decide to thrust at them.

2) Demanding they perform their most famous act for you, for example, demanding John Cleese perform a silly walk. Or if they have a famous catchphrase, you are required to shout it at them upon recognition. For the latter it is not necessary to approach the celeb, it is perfectly acceptable to shout this from several metres away, even from across the street.

3) Taking a picture, if at all possible. All celebrities love cameras, and upon seeing one will rush towards them, to help the photographer get some dramatic close-ups.

or you can do what i always do which is say "you're [insert famous person's name]" without fail - and they without fail reply "yes i am" which is generally a really bad way to start. trust me, i've done this six or seven times now - it's not planned, just an instinct reaction

I had lunch with some friends in the Cafe Rouge in Hampstead a while ago when Glenda Jackson walked in. My pal Matthew, cool as you like, leapt up and shook her by the hand, congratulating her on the job she was doing as their MP. She hurried off to her private table upstairs looking rather flustered.
Hampstead is also good because Tom Conti can often be seen shuffling around rather like a sad old alcoholic getting his daily shopping.
On the Shirley Valentine theme, I was in Fenwick's at Brent Cross and moaning at them for not having a sweater in my size when the woman behind me in the queue joined in, saying she could never get nice clothes to fit her - step forward the extremely pleasant (and surprisingly vertically challenged) Pauline Collins!

I wonder what the reaction would be if you went up to a non celebrity (and non bodygaurd) standing NEAR the famous person and asked for his or her autograph, continuing to do this with just any old sod you met on the street in close proximity to the celeb, never making any eye contact whatsoever with the star her/himself. Just a thought.

Pretty much the same reaction as if you went up to a celeb and said "HEYYY!!! You're that guy, off that thing!!!".

Or if you were to mistake the celebrity for someone else, eg Bill Paxton for Bill Pullman & vice versa.

If its an actor - try calling them by the name of the most famous character they've played (John Cleese is of course Basil Fawlty). Refuse to believe its not real.

If you're willing to push your luck ask them if [insert any of their co-stars, again use the character name] was any good in bed.

Something Basil Fawlty could actually answer (since he and Polly were married during the first series)!

If you really want to get your rear kicked, refuse to call Sir Sean Connery anything *but* "Bond, James Bond." For a similar reaction, refer to George Harrison only as "That Beatle Guy".

~Irving

In that case ask him about Manwell

What, if Manuel was any good in bed?