h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi

People at my school chew paper and spitmit out as spit balls!!!

good fun

We can basically create a whole hierarchy of types of toilet paper users. An additional subset would include squatters and standers. Squatters are those that stay seated on the toilet, reach behind themselves and use the paper, using a sub-sub set of methods. These would either be from the back or from the front. This is an experienced toilet paper user who could also probably drive home from work and then wonder how in the world they even got there.

The other type of toilet paper user is the stander. A bold individual who chooses to stand up, pull one cheek to the side and proceeds to use the toilet paper with either of the methods stated above, front-to-back or back-to-front. This person is concerned with completing the task, paying careful attention to seeing nothing left on the paper. This may take several tries and risks rendering the toilet inoperable.

An addition factor to ponder is the geographical location of the individual. He or she must choose carefully in areas where the stall door has gone missing. Of course in the privacy of the persons own bathroom, the choice would be to use either of these methods. As far as the front-to-back or back-to-front, I suppose for a detailed, complex individual, both ways would be necessary to thoroughly finish the job.

I appreciate I am somewhat late in researching this particular topic ... but surely on the subject of unused toilet roll covers , fluffy or crotcheted, we should create an index of appropriate rhymes that accompany such, and record them here for posterity (no pun intended)

My dogs don't scoot their bums outside on the grass as much as they scoot on the carpet inside. Luckily, (or not so luckily), the carpet dosen't appear to have any brown streaks on it, but it may be contaminated anyway. How pleasant.