In the beginning ¹ was the end and it was uncertain. Then all sorts of crazy things happened. Like the beginning, and all those other events that sort of made up the middle. Most of it was not nearly as good as the end, but because nobody yet knew just how good the end was going to be, the end felt a bit self-conscious, and didn't get out very often...

Hello! Welcome to The End of the Hitch Hiker's Guide!

Admittedly, some may question why we chose to start the end of this ongoing project here and now, but since this project was inspired in part by a series of books which mention the Final Message To God's Creation in the fourth of a five book trilogy, this just seemed remarkably inevitable.

By the way, there have been reports that some believe the end of the Hitch Hiker's Guide is to be decided alphabetically. Such entries as Zzzzz and Zoo have in the past jockeyed for this position, all to the chagrin of zuzzurellone². However, this being a dynamic document and the latest in quantum technology, and though it is composed of those twenty-six little expletitives, it is not limited to the confines of mere alphabetics. To be blunt, if you think the Guide ends with the letter "Z" you're not thinking fourth dimensionally!

Here, at the End of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition, we will wax nostalgic on all that has transpired to bring us to explore the end and share with one another the endless descriptions and definitions of the odds and ends of things. We'll contemplate every end that is conceivable, from the end of the day to the end of time, and every wondrous variation on end in between.

We should make clear that while this may very well be The End of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, that does not necessarily mean it's the end for you. There's no law saying you have to stop now. You CAN go back³. It's just that all things have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy is no exception.

We would also like to make clear that we're not devoting the end of the Guide to Doomsday Predictions. Besides the fact it has already been done, we are hoping to make this a happy ending and wish not to dwell much on the sadder aspects of The End.

"This is supposed to be a happy occasion! So let's not bicker and argue over who killed who!" - Michael Palin, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

It is a widely misunderstood belief that The End is where things have to stop. That is not necessarily the case. The only constant in the Universe is change, and the end is more like a mere terminal where things temporarily go into a sort of holding pattern until they're ready for the next journey. Though this is where things terminate, it is not where things are exterminated.

Life does in fact go on after the sun sets. Life goes on after a friend passes away. When a star out in space goes supernova, life goes on elsewhere in the universe, though not necessarily in the immediate vicinity of any planets that happened to have been nearby. If your house catches fire, that may be the end of your time at that house, but even though things look bleak now it's only the end of your life as you know it.

Ends are junctions of change. A divorce may mark the end of your marriage, but though the marriage is over, your lives go on, just not together. You may opt to never speak to your ex-spouse again, or continue on as friends, and eventually you'll start new relationships with others and may someday get married again. It's like when a flower blooms, it is pollinated by passing bees and eventually makes seeds that spill on the ground. After the flower fades in autumn, it decays and becomes fertilizer for new flowers the following spring. Every end here, becomes a beginning somewhere else.

In the grand scheme of things, there is no end. Each thing inside the galaxy has its own finite end point, but that's just to make room for the other stuff, so there can be more than one thing. Otherwise life would be pretty boring if it was all just one long continuous infinite thing; that never changed, that never ended.

The following is a list of objects which have come to symbolize the end for the average human being. As we explore and expand upon The End of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, we will uncover how different cultures visualize The End, to see differences and similarities in the many regions of this spinning rock we call home.

• Rainbows - the biblical tale of Noah and the flood ended in a pact or agreement that the Christian God allegedly made with mankind. He showed Noah a rainbow in the sky and made Noah a solemn promise never again to rid the Earth of sin by flooding it with water. Of course, this doesn't rule out the use of earth, air or most notably fire in finishing off any nonChristians, but we can hope God's grown a bit more understanding over the millenia than he was back then.
  

• Wills - Except perhaps the repeating reminder of your own mortality that comes around on bill day when you make a check for your Life Insurance payment, nothing quite puts a damper on your day more than having to admit on paper that you do in fact have a sound mind and body and have looked up in a dictionary what the word bequeath means, even if you don't necessarily know how to spell it. A Last Will and Testament sounds so final, so most people nowadays just make out a Living Will which doesn't sound quite as unpleasant, does it?
  

• Traffic Cones - Often found near construction zones and signs which say dead end or do not enter, the orange traffic cone has come to symbolize either an obstacle in the way, or an abrupt end in one's present direction which requires one to stop and turn somewhere else.
  

• Toilet Flushes - Perhaps there is nothing more melancholy than having performed your act of daily excremeditation, only to turn to the toilet paper dispenser and discover it to be empty. Moreover, if there is not another roll of toilet paper within arm's reach of the crapper, your relaxing ritual of saying goodbye to bodily waste will suddenly end to give rise to a new stressful moment of desperate improvisation. Inevitably however, all excursions to the water closet conclude with that familiar sound, ringing in the new and washing out the old.
  

Frankly Miss Scarlett, ah don't give a damn! The end of the movie Gone With the Wind where Clark Gable⁴ says those lines and then just walks away is one of the most memorable endings in cinematic history.

Other good movie endings include Rosebud in Orson Welles Citizen Kane and the mesmerizing Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard: Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup!

If you have a famous ending from a movie that you enjoyed, feel free to share your thoughts in the forums below, and your favorites may be included here in future rewrites.

Many American television shows, by their very nature, are intentionally open ended. The characters have to remain alive so they can return next week. Even though each episode comes to an end, the end of that episode usually doesn't dramatically change the lives of the characters. In final epsiodes though, when the series will definitely not continue the following season, anything goes.

Some of the most unforgettable television series endings include the final episodes of The Fugitive, Seinfeld, M*A*S*H, and Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Johnny Carson's the Tonight Show was a retrospective of memories Johnny shared with his longtime fans that left many teary-eyed. However though it marked the end of an era, the Tonight Show continued with Jay Leno the following season.

Some other shows have come to a more abrupt end, either prematurely or long after they should have ended. The original Star Trek series lasted only three seasons, but stories about the original crew and the Star Fleet they called home have continued for over thirty years.

Perhaps nowhere in the universe is the concept of the end more simultaneously noticable and ignored than at a public sporting event, especially when it comes to food. The end of a bag of popcorn for example is often overlooked, but significant. It means you now have to find something else to do with your hands besides repeatedly feed your face.

Hot dogs have two ends, and are often covered with relish and other condiments in the middle. They are usually eaten during american sporting events like baseball games. You start with one end and fill your face till you get to the other end, hoping not to spill too much of what's in the middle along the way.

When drinking through a straw, you know you've gotten to the end when you hear that forlorn and irritating slurping sound. You shake the glass a bit to insure audibly that yes there's still ice in the glass, but the beverage is now gone to your belly. Granted, you'll see this beverage in another form the next time you go to the restroom, but for now it's the end of that drink and time to get another one.

Endings are also present at a more fancy location than the ball park. For example, a visit to a fancy sit-down restaurant for an evening with family and friends usually guarantees an evening of lively conversation and great food, but after the plates have been emptied and the gang around the table begins running out of things to say, you know it's really over when the waiter brings around the check.

One last look at a thesaurus does inevitably conjure the complete understanding of life, the universe and everything.

There is a finality to the completion of some achievements, the fulfillment of a well executed performance can be the lasting touch on a career; mind, body and soul. The consummation of any keystone act can also be polished off as the culmination of everything from work done to the issue of elaborate denouement; a finale resulting in the complete and perfect close to a matured and enacted fait accompli, hammered out and brought to a head.

Such accomplishments finish as the end terminus, winding up as the ripened end to a glorious coup de grace for superstructure and missing links alike, the upshot of which insures placing the seal on the crowning of the edifice which will remain the coping-stone for a permanent age.

The truth will out: it isn't over until the fat lady sings.

Catastrophe only issues forth the signal of a new ending by finishing off the old one. We should not merely do by halves: Go the whole hog! Drive it home! Play it out! Fill the bill! The bubble has burst! There's the wind up and there is the pitch! Strike gold! Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. You won't need to fear dying of old age if you get in on the harvest in time to let it run its course. Reaching your goals and attaining them is like concluding an exhaustive marathon and being able to say you ran your own race.

In conclusion, putting a cap on the effect we get through is worked out and enacted to bring to bear or bring to pass the very achievements we seek to bring to perfection. Any knock off we make short work of will set at rest the very fulfillments we put into practice, put in force, carry out, make good, discharge, make ready and in the final analysis what we bring to a close will be as good as one's word.

Close the book. Turn yourself over. You're done.

The end of the Hitch Hiker's Guide will no doubt continue below, and we apologize for any inconvenience.

Can you think of anything that symbolizes the end for you? Feel free to share them with the rest of us in the forums below. Your suggestions may be used in future revisions of this, The End of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.