h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...what if you find that - despite the fact that you love your partner more than anything else in the world - you can't live with him/her? Or, if you continue your marriage, you will most certainly come to the point where your love turns into hatred?
If he/she has an attitude towards you that you can't put up with? If you tried to work it out over and over again, but to no avail?
When you have to go through the painful proceedings of a divorce in order to maintain your mental sanity?
Is this the right way of dealing with your problems?
Not sure about this, even though I'm currently going through this myself...
All this guilt stuff you have been discussing - there isn't always guilt involved.
I wouldn't blame my husband, nor would I blame myself. Maybe he has a different view on the matter, but he would have to speak for himself.
All I can say is that for we might be able to maintain a relationship based on friendship only when we get divorced and lock the partner out of those parts of our lives that we can't live with.

I prefer a painful ending to neverending pain.

My two cents worth

It does happen. I got divorced three years ago, and right now, my ex-wife is my best friend. We simply never lost that special understanding between two people who REALLY know each other. She can tell me everything she wants, and I can do the same, and sometimes we don't even need words, we KNOW each other.
In the meantime, even her new partner has become a friend.

My wife and I are in the process of splitting up after 23 years. We both fervently hope to be on good terms throughout the split and afterwards for the sake of our children and our business. However, I suddenly became aware that I was falling apart emotionally. I realised that despite our rational discussions of how the split would be for the best, despite our sometimes poisonous relationship, I was emotionally unable to let go of it. It became aparent that while I had intellectually hated a lot of our relationship, I had needed it very much on an emotional level. I now suddenly have to heal myself of this dependency if I am to leave this realtionship with good grace, progress without repetition and have any chance of friendship with my wife. I am tackling this with hypnotherapy with a timetable of two months. Wish me luck

Are you still out there?

Of interest, although some years ago, I would like to know your outcome since & whether this was a good or bad thing?

Your words filled my heart with soooo much emotions that I too am confused and would like to hear from you or any one else that can advice/comfort me with some true words.

Hi juicy,

yes, I'm still here. And still married.

It was a very close shave - I'd already seen a lawyer to file for divorce. Then, finally, my husband came round.

Counseling was next, then slowly approaching each other, finding new ways. Hard work, tough on both of us. But well worth it.

However, it only works when both are willing. And even then, there's no guarantee.

Don't know whether there's any comfort for you in this.

Curiosity
BBC wouldn't let me keep my nick

Odd this thread - but if the marriage is really over and you want to be civil then try mediation where both work to a solution in the presence of a trained mediator - often a lawyer. You can have separate rooms if its too fraught at first. Lawyers should be the line of last resort not the first. I know; I am both a family lawyer and a trained mediator