The sleepy village of Smallfield is even less inspiring than its name. It's situated alongside the M23 motorway, although the only access is to jump from a bridge. It's situated close to a major flight path, and the conversation-stopping noise of aircraft taking off and coming in to land at Gatwick Airport means the residents have developed a habit of pausing every two minutes while they talk.

Recently the village was selected as a traffic-calming test zone and gates, mini-roundabouts, speed bumps, cycle lanes, road tables, and the narrowing of roads have all been casually strewn around the place, making the traffic through the village very, very angry indeed.

The India Garden was the only place to get a curry in Smallfield, and driving a take-away back over the speed bumps meant your meal will be well shaken by the time you get home.

Now the best place to get a curry is the Khushboo in nearby Horley.

The only local pub is The Plough, well known in the area for its over-the-top decorations over Christmas.

Smallfield also has a small collection of shops, including a DIY shop, post office, a grocers, a chemist and a newsagents. It also has two schools, two churches and a small medical practice. The moated Smallfield Place, a Jacobean Manor built in 1600, was given to John de Burstow back in the reign of Edward III.

Quiet Sunday afternoons in the summer are regularly disrupted by the sound of banger-racing from a dirt track considered to be a banger-racing mecca.

Smallfield is also the birth place of Matthieu Hartley, who was a member of the band The Cure between 1979-80.