h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I remember as a kid, a popular playground myth was the if you sneezed and held your eyes open, they would pop out.
Now despite being actually rather difficult to do, I recall that no one was quite prepared to prove this piece of information wrong; all the social elevation and scientific vindication of keeping your eyeballs in after a sneeze couldn't be outweighed by the infinitesimal chance that they would end up rolling around on the ground.

Which is a similar problem to the one of Rhubarb and Pineapple being poisonous when eaten together - are they or not? Are you man enough to prove it?

Fortunately, it is a physical impossibility to keep your eyes open when sneezing, unless your eyelids are strapped firmly to the back of your head!

On the subject of sneezing, do any of you suffer from photic sneezing? This is where you sneeze when suddenly exposed to a bright light. I suffer from it quite a lot and invariably sneeze when i walk outside on a sunny day (and these are not your average sneezes, these are sneezes that can throw you off balance). Can be very scary when it happens in the outside lanes of motorways!

I actually use "photic sneezing" (also know as "bloody weird") to my advantage. You know that feeling you get when you think you are about to sneeze but you can't? If this happens to me, I quickly look up at the sun or, if inside, turn on a light and look up at that. Of course the downside is that nobody takes you seriously anymore. Ever.

I just read your (Merkin's) article on photic sneezing. Fascinating stuff. There must be a way to harness this gift.

It could be a superb new energy source. Sneeze powered vehicles (although this brings us back again to the accident inducing effects of photic sneezing!). It would be a good take on the "yogic flyers" them. You could have teams of crack Photic Sneezers, providing power in emergency situations.

Isn't there some ridiculous statistic about the speed of a sneeze?

Still, if you did develop some sort of sneeze-turbine, don't forget to install a drip-tray. Yuck.

The highest recorded "sneeze speed" is 165 km per hour, which should power a Photic Induced Sneeze Turbine (PIST), for some considerable time. Drip Tray definately a good idea. Would need to be quite robust, so you don't smash it against things. Shall we apply for a patent?

Okay. You do all the paperwork and I'll rock back and forth mumbling to myself.

Of course we haven't addressed two crucial questions:
1) How do we find enough photic sneezers to run the machine (besides you and occasionally me) who are willing to sit in bright light constantly sneezing?; and
2) What colour should the machine be?

Well with the onslaught of Gene mutations, surley we could genetically modify certain humans to photic sneeze even when the light source is extremelly dim, thus saving the need for high voltage electric lights during black outs, which, in turn, would save on power and make the mutations more efeciant. We could then also modify these photic human beings so that they do not have any need for drip trays as we could eliminate the snot factor.
AT LAST A USE FOR GENE THEROPY!

Pineapples, rhubarb (especially the leaves), spinach and chard are all high in oxalic acid.
This interferes with your bodies metabolism of sugars. A pharmacist friend tells me that eating one pineapple would give you stomach ache, eating two or more could well kill you (perhaps by sheer volume if nothing else). Likewise avoid rhubarb leaves and eat only the stalks which have a much lower concentration of oxalic acid. All things in moderation.

Some very good points... but couldn't you also use the snot to increase the power of propulsion? That way you could instead genetically alter photic sneezers to produce immeasurable quantities of snot which would increase turbine efficiency.

Come to think of it, a guy I went to school with called Andy (or "Runny Andy" as he was known) may have already been modified in such a fashion.

I understand what your saying, that the use of "Sinus\Nasal Osolating Trajectory" power or S.N.O.T. as its better known. could be beneficial to that extra power gain that is always needed, but surely the aim is to have a limitless power source without any excess waist. I mean, there's enough problems with nuclear waist, can you imagine the problems caused by a massive S.N.O.T. spill off the coast of Wales.

That's a very valid point, but couldn't the excess byproducts of the SNOT-PIST reactor be used to make a number of environmentally friendly adhesives, blu-tak like products, and even chewing gum? This enable a number of lucrative sideline light industries to be set up around any sizeable SNOT-PIST reactor.

I believe you have missed a vital point. The turbines being driven by the photic sneeze method would generate incredible heat as a by product of the actions upon them. The snot could be used as a lubricant to ensure that first do not break out and to reduce friction/increase efficiency. Any firmer parts (or bogeys as they are sometimes known) would fly off the turbine but being warm and passing through cold air would dry before landing in a catch tray (beside the drip tray which would still be reguired for spent lubricating nasal juice) and could be sold as cornflakes (but only in ASDA and Happy Shopper boxes, not Kellogs because they do not save bogeys for anybody else).

Thanks for the information. At least/last a scientific and less than useless piece of knowledge from the WEB.

PS. If you are a name and not a number why are you too shy to share your name? Should we call you "736 who has a name but we don't know it"?

Another useless fact about sneezing is that the aerosol from a sneeze can extend up to 10m away from the sneezer.
Which leads quite nicely to the polite habit of putting your hand in front of your mouth when you sneeze: at these speeds and distances, all a hand in front of the mouth does is spread the aerosol sideways!
Good news for everybody sitting in front of you, but bad news for anyone sitting beside you!!!
All of which makes me wonder what the "polite" way of wiping you hand clear of spit/snot that is ejected when you sneeze...?

AndyF
Who is feeling in a particularly curious nature this afternoon...

Not a bad idea at all. Although, since they get aerated on the way through, they might come out with the snap, crackly and poppability of Rice Krispies!! Bean bag fillings would be another viable use for them...

AndyF
....WOW !!!!!
How do you gather or this information.....
I sit here and am impressed by your knoledge, please tell me more.