h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Full English. - A10175168
Author: Cardi-Bling a yo ho ho and a barrel of rum - U1619796

I'd written this and then I spotted this entry A103177 which made mine obsolete...poo!

Well I though why not include mine as an update of the old one that Mark (U13) wrote.

What do you people think of it, I've tried to be fairly humorous and to not offend too many people. The guide is much bigger now than when Mark wrote his article so I've got a huge stack of links to go in this eventually once I get a chance.

Thoughts please guys...

Footnote N°1 is just plain scary!


The very idea of a carnivorous full english breakfast is terrifying...

Imagine, you're suffering from a hangover, and on top of that your breakfast suddenly grows teeth and starts chasing you around the kitchen!

Nickpick - 'Tomatoes' should not have an apostrophe.

brilliant whisky I hadn't read it it like that, I think I'll leave it in though!

Cheeers Jimster I'll make the changes. What do you guys think would it make a worthy update?

Wot, no bubble? A92495

Good point BH, I'll add it as well.

I've also added a load of links...I particularly like the 'nasty little fellas' link in the mushrooms section, it made me laugh when I found that whilst searching, very appropriate!

I's also recommend changing the subheaders to headers, and the bolded mini-headers to subheaders.

Mushrooms are, of course, evil. I love the comparison to predatory slugs

cool I've done that now.


What do people thing would this make a good update?

Yes, this would make a good Update.

Shouldn't it be mentioned somewhere that most things in this breakfast are fried? From an American point of view, I would have never thought of frying bread or tomatoes and always thought blood puddings were boiled instead of fried.

What's different between Fried Bread and Toast, and would you find both in the same breakfast?

saltcellar or to be posh -> salt cellar-or to be posh-...

wether -> whether

Are the Sauces not served separately?

sheeps -> sheep's

dieing -> dying

Truck Stop Cafe -> is this a brand name of a chain?

tinyest -> tiniest

I fyou -> If you

your scared -> you're scared

Blood puddings *are* boiled, initially. You buy them cooked and then either boil them again to reheat them, or in the case of the fried breakfast, slice them and fry them.

Fried bread is fried; toast is toasted. It is stated in the entry that you can find any combination of the listed ingredients in a full English, so yes - you could find them both together.

The question of the sauces being served separately doesn't arise - they're both on the table to be used or ignored, just as in an American diner.

Good point about mentioning that almost everything is fried, although most can also be grilled, and for the benefit of Americans, a grill is not something you cook steaks on - it's like a broiler but nowhere near as fierce. In fact, it's what you make the toast with.

What follows is a very long list of corrections, but they are necessary. An updated entry doesn't get wafted under the nose of a Sub-editor - it has to be perfect in every way before it goes straight to the EG. So eyes down for a full house.

"British cuisine for being dull and unimaginative, horror stories expound"
'British cuisine for being dull and unimaginative; horror stories abound'

"the average Britain has a very open mind" - Briton

"Be it Italian, Chinese, Indian, Thai, Japanese and even French all have been encountered and explored, the British have cooked, devoured and enjoyed them all"
'Be it Italian, Chinese, Indian, Thai, Japanese or even French, all have been encountered and explored, and the British have cooked, devoured and enjoyed them all'

"Yet the average Briton is a happy person, with a proud history and heritage, all the machinations of Europe"
'Yet the average Briton is a happy person with a proud history and heritage, and all the machinations of Europe'

"The items that appear in a full English are probably what makes the breakfast so great"
That seems pretty self-explanatory and obvious to me. The ingredients and how they're put together are always 90% of what makes any meal special.

"and this is the beauty of the Full English its adaptability"
'and this is the beauty of the Full English - its adaptability'

"After choosing a few staple items many others can be added to the mix, this blend of different flavours"
'After choosing a few staple items many others can be added to the mix; this blend of different flavours'

"A regular feature of the Full English they can range"
'A regular feature of the Full English, they can range'

"air cured or smoked these salty pieces"
'air cured or smoked. These salty pieces'

"full on crispy"
'full-on crispy'

"it all comes down to the eaters personal taste and that controversy can be left for another time and place"
'it all comes down to personal taste - a controversy best left for another time and place'

"fried eggs have recently become under a serious assault"
'come under serious assault'

gormet - gourmet

Boiled eggs have no place in a full English. If it can't go on a plate or be put on top of a piece of toast or fried bread, it's not to be considered. As for omelettes in a fried breakfast... well that's just wrong. They're too big. The thing about a full English is that it's made up of small portions of lots of different ingredients. An omelette will easily fill half the plate. I'm not saying that you can't have one if that's what you want, but I don't consider it a contender. Fried or poached is the only egg I'll put on my fry-up.

"However well cooked fresh toast is a joy"
'However, well-cooked fresh toast is a joy'

"However too many places use cheap tinned mushrooms, these nasty little fellas"
'However, too many places use cheap tinned mushrooms; these nasty little fellas'

"Here who says that a Full English isn’t healthy?"
'Who says that a Full English isn’t healthy?'

"No the little half a tomato"
'No; the little half a tomato'

"in the eyes of the diet doctors, at least it might"
'in the eyes of the diet doctors. At least it might'

"a nice little salt cellar or to be posh fresh ground sea salt"
'a nice little salt cellar, or (if you're feeling posh), fresh ground sea salt'

"Wether you like Brown or Red or perhaps a mix of both no Full English is complete without the Ketchup or the Brown Sauce puddle"
'Whether you like brown or red, or perhaps a mix of both, no Full English is complete without the brown sauce or ketchup puddle'.
It's important to get 'brown and red' and 'brown sauce or ketchup' in the same order so that people can immediately identify which is which... even though one of them is actually called brown sauce I've a feeling that the Editors will remove the link to the HP Sauce website since it might be construed as advertising. And a footnote to the effect that brown sauce is similar to American steak sauce might be helpful.

Going back to the beginning of this list - I'd suggest a subheader immediately before 'Sausage' entitled 'The Essentials', and another one immediately before "These items occassionally occur in a Full English" entitled something like 'The Add-ons' or whatever takes your fancy.

"These items occassionally occur in a Full English and each one can be equally valid. Thats the beauty of the dish each component just add a new flavour to the mix"
'The following items can also appear in a Full English. That's the beauty of the dish - each component adds a new flavour to the mix'

"A very popular component of the Full English, but not as our American readers are thinking, they are not what the Brits would call crisps, but instead what our transatlantic cousins would call French fries. Yet even then this is wrong, the simple French fry is too long, too thin and too stringy to work in a full English, they should be good honest British chips or as the Americans have been known to call them steak cut fries"
That's really convoluted and difficult to follow, as well as containing several punctuation errors. I could correst the punctuation, but I honestly think the whole thing needs a rewrite. What do you think of this?
'Chips are a popular component of the Full English, but not the kind of chips that American readers might be thinking of. These are what in America are called French fries. Yet even then this is wrong; the simple French fry is too long, too thin and too stringy to work in a Full English. They should be proper British chips - thick, soft on the inside and crispy on the outsideSimilar to what is known in America as steak-cut fries..'

"If the Chips don’t do it for you why not go continental take a potato and slice it into 1/4" thick slices and then fry, lovely dipped into the yolk of a fried egg"
'If chips don’t do it for you, why not go continental? Take a potato, slice it into 1/4" thick slices and fry. Delicious dipped into the yolk of a fried egg'

"Still in the world of the humble potato3 the Hash Brown makes a nice addition"
'Still in the world of the humble potato3, the hash brown makes a nice addition'

palatte - palate

"That coupled with the vitamin C content to help clear up the hang-over makes orange juice a worthy addition"
'That, coupled with the vitamin C content to help clear up a hangover, makes orange juice a worthy addition'

"so why on earth would anyone want to eat it. Well because4 its delicious. Ignore your prejudices forget what its made of and just try the stuff, mmm lovely"
'so why on earth would anyone want to eat it? Well, because4 it's delicious. Ignore your prejudices, forget what it's made of and just try the stuff. Mmmm, lovely'

"It will instantly lose it's English heritage and become a proud follower of the bonny prince, all hail The Full Scottish!"
'It will instantly lose its English heritage and become a proud follower of the bonny prince. All hail The Full Scottish!'

"Well the less said about this the better...a mix of meat, suet fat and oatmeal it is very popular within the Full Irish"
'The less said about this the better. A mix of meat, suet and oatmeal, it is a popular addition to the Full Irish'

sheeps - sheeps' (apostrophe at the end because it's multiple sheep, not just one).

"Heresy we hear you scream, a good Full English should look like a Porcine grave yard. Yet that would make a normal Full English inedible for our Jewish and Muslim brothers, why not just ditch the swine"
''Heresy!' we hear you scream. A good Full English should look like a porcine grave yard; yet that would make it inedible for our Jewish and Muslim brothers, so why not just ditch the swine'

"replace it with some of the Bovine worlds freshest ground and compressed meat product...just don’t tell our Hindu friends"
'replace it with some of the Bovine world's freshest ground and compressed meat product. Just don’t tell our Hindu friends'

"one of those famous 'left over' meals" - leftover'

"and whatever other vegetables that are left over from Sunday lunch... usually cabbage"
'and whatever other vegetables are left over from Sunday lunch - usually cabbage'

"Well apart from the obvious answer, in a restaurant, the discerning gourmand will want to know more specifics"
I think that sentence can be excised from the entry - it doesn't bring anything to the party.

conossior - connoisseur

"in many of the nations supermarkets.5"
'in many of the nation's supermarkets5.'
You'll notice that the full stop now appears *after* the footnote. You'll need to change the code to reflect that.

"No the true fan of the Full English6 will be in they're local ‘caff.’"
'No - the true fan of the Full English6 will be in their local 'caff', or greasy spoon.'

"This could be a simple little café on the high street or one of the dieing breed of old school Truck Stop Cafe’s the true mecca for Full English fans"
'This could be a simple little café on the high street, or one of the dying breed of old school transport cafes - the true Mecca for Full English fans'

"The caff will always be the best, it'll have so many loyal customers that the food is always fresh, spectacular and cooked to perfection"
'The caff will always be the best; it'll have many loyal customers because the food is always fresh, spectacular and cooked to perfection'

"it may well have bits of fag7 ash in"
No. Definitely not. Not even in jest. Not even in a 'let's be quirkier than Wikipedia' stylee.

"OK it has to be shouted loud, in reality most of your arteries"
'Okay, it has to be shouted loud - in reality most of your arteries'

"in a high fat, high cholesterol sea but always remember the old adage"
'in a high fat, high cholesterol sea but, always remember the old adage'

"You CAN eat a Full English occasionally without doing yourself harm, just not too often and perhaps it’d be good to go on a long run afterwards"
'You can eat a Full English occasionally without doing yourself harm, just not too often. And perhaps it’d be good to go for a long run afterwards, just not too soon afterwards'

"After all you could have sworn that you didn’t drink that much last night and now your scared your going to see your breakfast again...happy eatings"
I think the second half of that sentence is unecessary, but if you insist on keeping it in, the first 'your' should be 'you're', the ellpsis after again' should be a full stop, and 'happy' should be 'Happy'.

Now I need to correct myself Blush>

"in a high fat, high cholesterol sea but always remember the old adage"
'in a high fat, high cholesterol sea but, always remember the old adage'

Should be:
'in a high fat, high cholesterol sea, but always remember the old adage'

Top man BH, I'll work the corrections in.

As for the eggs issues, well I did say in the entry it was a matter of fierce debate I love having an omelette when in my Full English. I'll either fold it up so it doesn’t rob valuable space or I’ll lay it flat on the plate first, and then put everything else on top of it! As for boiled eggs, I don't know, personally I wouldn't have one but I don't see why you couldn't. Especially if it were hard boiled and then peeled and sliced. I'll leave the reference in as the varied options is what the meal's about after all. Time for a smiley I think!

Yeah the brown sauce link is annoying I thought it might be removed but I really wanted a link that could explain what the sauce is rather than having to explain it myself. I guess your right with the footnote idea but I’ll leave the HP link in case the Ed’s are fine with it. I’m really surprised there was no h2g2 entry on it already. Time to get writing one then!

Y'know, it's just occurred to me that there's an omission. It's not uncommon for people to add liver to their fry-up - I do it often, and I've had it in several caffs.

Pig's liver, or Beeve's liver?

Yeah I happily add liver...I'm sure I could add something about it, bloody horrible stuff.

Its beef liver isn't it?

Depends on whatever takes your fancy, but yes, I believe it's usually beef liver.

No fried onions then?

Swap you my liver for your onions.

Nice entry

Or update, should I say.

(There's still an 'it's' that should be an 'its' in the Haggis section, btw).

Good idea with the fried onion Trin. I can't remember ever having them in my Full English, but I do love them and can see how they would work well. Something to try soon I think


I've added a bit about them!

This is looking really good, and it's starting to make me a bit. There's still an niggling error that seems to have slipped in somehow:

I you->If you (that is to say, I think you're missing an 'f' )