h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I know, I do too. I tried to talk to my girlfriend about it, but was finding it difficult to talk openly about it- I just couldn't find the right words.
When I finally got it out, she just laughed...

I know where I stand - I stand on my scruples! We must both stand firm, and hold our own!

Right on! When trying to get an idea into others' heads, we need to be assertive.
Whatever your position, you need to be firm to really get it in.

Exactly, it's like when I go out of my way to shock people - you see, sometimes I think my big thing is frightening.

However, if I see one more innuendo on this conversation, I'm having it off. It's good to see people getting on, but sometimes quite the opposite happens!

Are we going to take it lying down? No!

Oh dear, what a pair...

I can't come up with them quick enough! You're always on top of me. But I don't mind- it's more comfortable being the one behind.

When you look at a map of the lower peninsula of the State of Michigan, you will see that it is shaped like the palm of a person's right hand. Ergo, a personal favorite euphemism is "going on a date with Miss Michigan."

Other popular euphemisms include winding your clock, visiting Madame Thumb and her 4 Whores, plucking your goofy and getting a grip on yourself.

I wouldn't worry about not coming up quick enough. It's taking the part that counts. Something like that anyway. I've been at it non stop recently. I don't get a rest at the weekends, not even on sundays. If you were to ask me the last time I had it off, I wouldn't be able to tell you.

(Running our of ideas so more or less lifting them from up pompeii)

I thought this thread was about euphemisms! Oh, well!

How about?...

Shaking hands with the Sheriff.
Beating the Bandit.
Bashing the Bishop.
Kneading the Knockwurst.
Climbing Mount Baldy.
Playing the Bathroom Banjo.
Wrestling the One-Eyed Trouser-Snake.

I better stop there, or I'll get a reputation!

It is about euphemisms, but I got bored... It's alwaysd hard isn't it? I mean, especially when you're tired, and haven't had any sleep. I haven't had any in several days now. The people I spoke to yesterday hadn't had any either. Noone seams to be getting any!

I haven't posted here in a while either. There's only so many times I can do it in a day before running out of ideas of different ways to do it, and then I feel like you're getting bored and I'm letting you down.

Get a grip on yourself! Stop looking down! What are you doing to yourself? It's not how many different ways you can do it that count - It's how hard you are trying! Alright, so I may have a higher innuendo total than you, but that okay, you are trying to get it up!

It's just getting harder, there's nothing I can do about it...

Well, even though it gets harder, keep trying, and you'll get one in sooner or later. Do you know if anyone has it in for you?
You mentioned earlier you had trouble getting it out: Don't let it bother you - just slap it out where everyone can see it - don't bother with what they think! I'm sure they'll bend over backwards for you.

I agree

I agree. Damn the taboos!

Oman's crime was not masturbation. It was refusing to carry on his dead brother's family.

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Will you stop going onan on about that?

I wish I could remember what that post said before it was moderated.

I won't argue about the onan thing, but none of the christians I've spoken to are aware of that, beleiving that the bible does indeed say that it is wrong. Where abouts is the quote?