h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just noticed the date, as we suddenly hit the 1st of September.

One year to the day I was in Norwich, with William, for Chris's funeral.
I'd been with Chris for about a decade, before we drifted apart, and, well, William and I found each other. I'd remained good friends with him though, and we E-mailed constantly; both being blind, and having an interest in technology, especially adaptive technology, things like screen readers etc. Beer was our other main shared interest.
Chris died of cancer, and he'd been ill several years, having various bits of chemo over that period. I'd only managed to get to visit him once, before he died, also with William, which was before I was in Sweeden, August last year, and was planning to see him again, when I got the text from a mutual friend that he'd died, whilst I was in Sweeden.
It really seems a moment ago, September last year, of course; as my memory loss, from the seizure/hemorridge/stroke/whatever at the end of January this year, whiped my memory virtually totally, back until Chris's funeral.

Things all got surreal; suddenly starting chemotherapy for a cancer I can't recall being diagnosed as having; the year being 2015; not as I thought still 2014 (still find that kinda weird/hard), and, well, my last memory being Chris's funeral, and then, me, ill? yeh.
Only really have moments of reality anymore, the rest of the time, I'm not really inhabiting the space, or time where I am, and to an extent, that has improved, recent months, so I'm often spending entire hours, if not days, in 'reality'.
But, in the main.... Its all gone way too surreal for most of it to seem real enough to constitute reality to me.

Mind. there was a period, back nearer Feb/Jan, when I know it was worse; I spent a long while, returned to my origional non-existance; this; the world observable was merely my coma-induced dream, the coma from 1993/1994, that is.
At least that bit of surrealness vanished, at some point. Still miss Chris so much; the number of times, the last err 8 months, when I've nearly sat at the PC and wrote him an E-mail....

But I doubt dwelling on the past is too healthy...

I just remain... so unsure over most things, which is certainly still an affect of the surreal unreality I'm..... I guess 'living' in... or not, of course... I do kinda have to assume I'm alive, the majority of explinations seem to suggest otterwise...

I'm sure stuff will settle down more, perhaps, at some point.... Just seems to be taking an age to do so, in some respects, and this useless memory I have now, is certainly no help at all...
Hmm. not sure what I'm getting at really... nah, dunno...

I'm sure the extreme insomnia is a factor in your poor memory. But you do have a lot of memories stored here on h2g2. You haven't taken many extended breaks from here in the last year and kept us updated on what was happening with you. The backlog is a memory backup if you need to refer to it.

very true... both cases - also, it seems, my hormonal weirdness, affects memory, and concentration ETC, and probably also sleep; so many of these medical things I seem to have, all seem to coalses together, to wreck my mind, and sleep, often both, and sleep affects memory, and... doomed! pah. I don't do too badly, considering, on zero sleep really, though it does add up if it goes on past four days or thereabouts so hoping I can have a proper nights sleep tonight. - sleep stuff is a major point I'm raising in clinic Wednesday I expect things may fall into place very soon now, the main treatment rubbish is over with

h2g2 as an external memory for people with memory loss is very interesting from a philosophical point of view.

2legs you have been through an astonishingly shocking year. Things will settle down to your new normality. In the meantime don't be sorry for coming here and letting things out.

If you don't mind me asking, when you read back over things you wrote over the period that covers your memory loss, does it help any? or is it like reading about someone else?

Bits of it, when I read back, trigger vague memories.... other bits, I've just honstily no idea whatsoever --

Given.... the sometimes 'odd' way I write things up - reading back through what I've written, about something that happened, ain't always a good memory trigger, even when its an event I can recall -

However, otter bits, when I read over them are very odd;

I recall, very clearly to what they pertain, but, its my surreal non-reality existance in a universe I'm not part of; I'm less than a third party onlooker, to the events as described; its less real than the 'dreams' and 'out of body experiences' I had, back 93/94, whilst in a coma; they'r emore real than most or at least a lot, of what is so-called 'real' in my life... - So, often I'm reading back through a journal I've done, describing I dunno, say my going in with an infection, having septacemia, and nearly dieing, and being in overnight, IV antibiotics, etc, and, its not that I don't remember it; I do; but, that its less third party to me, as an experience and memory, than having watched a moovie, or listened to a radio drama about i..... - if it were a film, or radio drama, it'd seem so much more real... - Maybe I'm just too detached, a kinda useful trick for some of the more unplesent stuff, recently, but, well I'd kinda like to be more 'wti it' in most respects

Its... just.... weird... somtimes I seem so 'here' and in teh moment, or mindful of what is going on, but even then, often, a few minutes, or some time after, its like it isn't something that happened to me, or that I've done, more a memory of an idea, or recolection of a dream or err. 'altered state' as it were

pah. reality. who needs reality. not me, not bee, and certainly not the badgers and chinchillas.



Actually slept last night - got into bed circa 2 AM, got to seep I think some time after 3.30, and woke a bit before 8 with an otterly dead left arm ouch which has since regained both circulation and sensation such as it is, now

have drained a pot of coffee, and had crumpets, plus my morning hydrocortisone, and feeling... kinda quite with it laundry in to wash; trying to decide if I should go to ten pin bowling tonight... I think I probably will... - anyting that involves a bit of physical activity has to be good, just getting some blood moving, some muscles working and calories burning off - weighed myself last night after I bathed and I've put on mor e weight so gonna have to try sort that out, but, I'm just constantly so hungry (I assume the steroids) Mind, not sure ten pin helps loose weight, they put the Guinness on at half price on a Tuesday, just to annoy me - was planning on another epic bath tonight, but if I can get ahead, I could always bath this afternoon, and then ten pin, with dinner after on getting home sounds almost.... like a plan

Off to hospital tomorrow, bloods and clinic for first time in... months I think Hoping its big balls in clnic, so I can at least see one of the decent docs, who knows me (her nic name is big balls after she refused to examine my.... not big balls, and said she was only interested in examining testicles if they were enlarged.... seriously... - I'm not weird; its the world about me thats weird!)

gona have to make moves soon, to move... getting so fed up living here; started looking at appartments for a complete change, which is a very tempting prospect, and moving from Camridge down the road a bit, oughta free up about £150K in spare cash which would be useful, for... dunno... more beer I guess and flour, and, a really really really really tidy neat, brand new kitchen, and one of those gorgeous, massive, deep, £1500 baths we saw in a shpop a moth or two back 0- from here on in, every bath has to be an epic bath, lifes too short to not have epic baths

I'm saying nuffing.... nuffin... how... very... odd.... coincidence... or.... more unreality... or weird... weird coincidental unreality/reality

How. very. odd.

see. - I said there was more weird left to discover. - perhaps, even, most of it still eft... endless wird weird endlessly expanding exponentially screw normal.

how cool and on today too

right. nuff of that must get a shift on... ten pin bowling later... omelette eaten for lunch, laundry washed, still drying, to put away bfore I go out, once its dry, must go clean bath, then sweep upstairs, and hoover down here, and ... then bath epically all baths should be epic and, probably eat a little soemthing before going out, lter, and then have some proper dinner or some pizza or something, when I get home

I sorted out a few appointments on the phone, cleaned the dishes, hung the washing on the line and mowed the lawn. That has to be enough w*rk for one day!

Now a few pounds of smoked ham are simmering on my stove. The sauce is made. Now I only need to cook the peas and a few pounds of mashed potatoes. And open a glass mustard and a few cans of

Have fun bowling et cetera

I finished laundry, put it all away. swept upstairs, hoovered downstairs, clened bath; bathed for nearly an hour then cleaned bath again, cleaned kitchen, now making emergency food/snack for before ten pin bowling... energy dropped way down, think the hydrocortisone messes with my blood sugar hence eating earlier than I intneded, before, rahter than after bowling - Guinness to keep me going through the bowling.... (and mayb e an extra steroid if I need the extra boost... though I guess thats cheating in the game really!)

doping in the bowling alley? I can see the headlines from here!



PS: Dinner turned out to be great

just back from bowling... and seriously considering second dinner guinness plus steroids.... - so hungry!!!

my teammates are now requesting I have a drugs test, for British Blind Sports... - my scores were high again... and I was high again, natch guinness plus steorids plus... whatever I'm just 'on' in life... - -= high as a kite right.

I can't have a second dinner. dinner... thats obscene... silly.

so a quick supper.

a 300 Gram fresh chicken breast.... fried... with .... spices... and ... cheese... I think... and a couple slices bread, plus mayo and lettuce and cucumber to throew it with sorted! and I ownder hy why I can't lose weight

Cool old Guy losing count
"Would that not also add some stone to your total "

After all these times you've mentioned going out to play ten pins, I've never given a second thought to your blindness. It just didn't occur to me.

oh... yep... the fried chicken breast, with mayo (light) and salad, in a sandwich certainly adds to my calories and weight - but I'm fighting aginst these damn steroids that just make me hungry all the time (and, it was really tasty), and, dinner was so* long before supper

must toddle to bed now though... temizepam really settling in and I've just spent hours listening to stuff on the IPod, so ed out even without the sleeping tablet clinic and bloods tomorrow at hospital but not until later in the day... and I'm thinking we'll be back late... so... yeh... maan... rice n peas, and goat curry for dinner I recon as we'll be back late... then pub in the evening, natch must go sleepies now though