The Threads That Never Were
Created | Updated Oct 16, 2011
For a while now, h2g2ers have been anxiously watching the Progress Bar. After they checked to see what clever bit of snarkiness had been added to the alt-text that day, read the h2g2 Post for the 42nd time, and talked themselves out on Noesis, they settled into worrying – much like anxious fathers-to-be in ancient sitcoms – about what the doctors were getting up to with their baby. Were the Gurus, Moderators, and Editors, like responsible physicians, going about the business of transferring the precious website in the kid-glove manner that was to be expected from reliable professionals? Or were they secretly pinching the infant to see what interesting noises it made? Now the truth can be told.
My friends, it was far worse than you think.
The Threads That Never Were
By this time, h2g2 is back online, all shiny, new, and BBC-free. The new folks are busy at their tasks. All you see is a clean new Front Page with great new Guide Entries on it. (Congratulations, Minorvogonpoet!) But it was not always this way.
If you had been unlucky enough to glimpse the h2g2 test site during the transition, you might have got the shock of your lives:
- There was cussing going on.
- People were insulting each other.
- There was trolling, and feuding, and back-biting of all kinds.
- In other words, h2g2 looked like Youtube without the videos.
What gave?
Well, our new Mods had to test, didn't they? And to test, they needed something to test, natch. Other members of the team were happy to comply1. As soon as they'd explained to Lanzababy what a swear word was, they were good to go.
Just before showtime, it occurred to more than one horrified (and guilty) party that it might not look too good if all this naughtiness ended up in our new h2g2. People might be shocked and ask questions in Parliament – and by the time they found out that we are now independent, and Parliament have nothing to say about us, our reputation might suffer. So, alas, the database was reset, thus depriving you, the membership, of your nighthoover-given Right to Know.
Heh-heh. Some people took screenshots.
It is thus with great pleasure that we present a précis of the thread originally entitled 'Down with Gloves'. This thread, alas, is no longer to be found. We cannot link to it, as it is lost, along with the appropriately-named "Please Yikes This Thread', in that alternative Hootooverse that existed (far too long, in some opinions) between there (the BBC servers) and here (h2g2.com). So without further ado, we present….
Down with Gloves – An Exercise in Moddable Posting
Down with Gloves
Posted by Socky Socky Joy Joy 2
How dare they be so....fingery? Mittens are bad enough, but if a glove moved into my neighbourhood, I'd definitely move out. Or just get the boots to kick *them* out, hahahahaha!
And then some of those lowlifes pretend to be socks, but they're not, are they? They just have those stunted, shrivelled, useless fingers. I suppose we ought to be sorry for them, but they're still gloves, OK?
And before anyone calls me a bigot, I'll have you know that I'm a left sock, and I'm married to a left sandal. Hahahaha, you can't say anything bad about me now, can you?
Removed
This Posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the House Rules in some way. You can find out more about moderation on h2g2 here.
Down with Gloves
Posted by Liv Tyler 3
Couldn't agree more. Gloves are evil, pure and simple. anyone supporting gloves and all that they stand for should be bombed.
Some people, so I've heard, even wear gloves when dealing with their houseplants.
Houseplants need love, attention, and to be touched, how dare these glove-wearers deny their plants the human-touch they so desperately need, I love my houseplants, and they love me... Its not a sexual thing mind... honnest...
Down with Gloves
Posted by Socky Socky Joy Joy
You think being left is a trend??? It's a lifestyle!
Removed
This Posting has been temporarily hidden, because a member of our Moderation Team has referred it to the Community Team for a decision as to whether it contravenes the House Rules in some way. We will do everything we can to ensure that a decision is made as quickly as possible.
You can find out more about moderation on h2g2 here.
Up with Socks!!
Posted by Lanzababy4
Yes, about time we had a flame war. Take that, you lily fingered glove wearers!
Up with Socks!!
Posted by Peanut5
I can't believe the slandering of glove wearers that is going on here.
As for those people who wear socks with sandals, flogging is too good for them.
And socks with toes, they are evil incarnate, they should bring back public executions for anyone found in possession of such items.
Up with Socks!!
Posted by Lanzababy
No way! it is a well known fact that the very first glove wearers were baby eating devil worshippers. I mean, c'mon – everyone knows that. Sheesh!
Up with Socks!!
Posted by Peanut
Whereas the early sock wearers, wantonly sacrificed their own little babies to the great Holy Sock. 
And let us not forget the great athlete's foot pandemic that wiped out swathes of indigenous peoples around the world.
Firstly no such disease had ever been encountered by the noble, gracious, glove wearing cultures and secondly it spread like wild fire because of the imperialist introduction of sock wearing laws on said peoples.
Sock lovers you have been flamed and shamed.
Down with Pants!
Allegedly posted by Haragai
This posting, although very interesting, is not publishable on h2g2. It mentions Scotsmen, for one thing. For another, we suspect skullduggery on the part of the Moderator – in other words, we blame 2legs.
Wave Your Things in the Air
Posted by [Name Removed]
I beg to differ about socks with toes. Marvellous things.
I'll wave a special 2legs limited edition Christmas thong at you all
[Personal details removed by Moderator]
Wave Your Things in the Air
Posted by Socky Socky Joy Joy
Toes, toes, glorious toes, nothing quite like them for filling your nose...
I just heard two mittens discussing veeery unsavoury things in a back alley.
Removed
This Posting has been temporarily hidden, because a member of our Moderation Team has referred it to the Community Team for a decision as to whether it contravenes the House Rules in some way. We will do everything we can to ensure that a decision is made as quickly as possible.
You can find out more about moderation on h2g2 here.
How well did our testing team do at being difficult users? You be the judge.
Me, I'm going to go clean out my sock drawer.
Fact and Fiction by Dmitri Gheorgheni Archive
