h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As I enter the last week of having my children with me before they go to spend the summer break with their egg-donor, I have many "what" questions. The most notable of these questions are: "What is the egg-donor going to try during the time they are with her?" and "What am I going to do without my children present all the time?"

It's no secret to those who know me that I do not trust the woman I once called my wife. In fact, I completely distrust her and I nearly hate her. The agreement we have currently states that the children will stay with me during the school year and with her for the summer break. This is the first cycle and I just know that she is going to try something. Whether it is trying to keep the kids at the end of break, or just plain attempting to poison them against me, I can't say. I expect one or the other though.

As for what am I going to do without them for six weeks: I'll be honest, I'm afraid to be without my children. I enjoy all the small things: tucking them in at night, drying their hair after a bath, tickling them, hugging them, the sounds of their voices when I pick them up from daycare, so many that I cannot possibly list them all.

Hanging out with my friends just is not the same. My friends don't rely on me for their every need; I am not responsible for their lives and safety. I am responsible for those of my children and I cannot possibly do that without my children present.

Am I just being selfish? I really don't know. What I do know is that the egg-donor is NOT a capable parent. She looks at the children as a status symbol. In fact, every time the children return from a visit to her, my son tells me "mommy didn't spend anytime with me". What am I to do about that? If I had the money to do it, I would be suing her for full custody with very limited visitation.

Anyway, my thoughts are becoming too disjointed, time to stop.

GDZ:
Write it down.
Document the problems with dates and times of occurrence. Prepare for the long haul, so you can build a case 'for' yourself and 'against' the "egg-donor".

Lord, I know that sounds harsh, but you can't prevail in court (where you could legally alter the situation) unless you bring some evidence to the table. Any parent who's ever tried to fight for the best interests of their child(ren) can attest that it is not an option to be unprepared to show a judge all the reasons to take full custody. I've been through something similar, and it's not a "pretty" process.

You may need to prepare yourself and your kids for some crazy responses from your ex. Encourage your kids to keep an open mind about their mother, but give them a way to contact you immediately if something isn't going well. Run through some "what if" scenarios with them and determine the best course of action for them and you. Also, ensure you're getting the straight story concerning what transpires while they're away. If you have friends or family that can check on them and corroborate any of the situations you document, that's more proof in your favor.

Stash some cash. You'll need it for the legal proceedings. I know it's difficult enough to keep a family running smoothly from day-to-day, yet you've got to plan ahead for what seems an eventuality. Legal fees and court dates take their toll on your bankbook and your time. Think it through, schedule what you can, have your "ducks in a row" when it comes time to take affirmitive action.

Try to set your bitterness aside and ensure that all your dealings with the ex are "above board." Don't let yourself be baited into any emotional traps that could be used against you in court. Let the court see you as the one who did things properly, and for the children's benefit.

Above and beyond that, don't "what if" the situation to death. Worry only wears you down. Just make some plans and get yourself ready. That takes the worry out of it and gives you the better chance to prevail.

B4yournextpositivestep

You can't control her or her actions. All you can control is how you react to whatever happens. You know her well enough to anticipate a problem. So, whatever it is that she tells the kids, make sure that you don't do anything to make it seem like she's telling the truth about you.

B4 has gone the practical route, so I'm going to go the spacey one. Our thoughts are enormously powerful - much more so than we realize. If you spend all of your time imagining the worst, then you will be attracting the very thing you don't want. You need to imagine the end of summer and you picking the kids up and the happy, normal life you will have when they're back home with you.

Being positive and expecting good things to happen isn't the same as sticking your head in the sand. We all know that life isn't perfect and that there are natural ups and downs. We have to recognize the possibility that bad things will happen to us and the ones we love. But it is self-defeating to dwell on them. It's also possible that good things will happen.

Pollyanna over and out. Oh, I do have a practical idea. Is there something you could do while they're gone for them to look forward to when they get back? Like redecorating their room or building a treehouse or whatever?

Thank You B4 and Hypatia, good stuff to think on.

Yeah. What she said. Positive outlook. Do constructive things. Hypatia's right about that. Don't linger on the "possible bad outcome," rather cleave to that which is good.

B4ilookupthereference