h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, as I've already told some of you, my carpal tunnels are now sorted. It was a marvellously trauma-free procedure, and I've certainly had scalpels stuck in worse places (places that resulted in my having to sit on a bag of frozen peas ). While I was getting my local anaesthetic - the only painful part - I expressed an interest in being talked through what was being done to me. The surgeon interpreted this as wanting to have my hand held up periodically so that I could gaze into the 1.5 in incicision he'd made in my wrist and retracted. So I now know that my subcutaneous fat looks remarkably similar to that on a lamb chop and that my nerves are a pleasant shade of blue. There was no blood involved because they pumped up a tourniquet for the duration. Afterwards I spent 48h in a bandage like a boxing glove and a sling. Now I'm down to a rather neat hi-tech plaster that does a remarkable job of remaining stuck to my palm. There's been hardly any pain - just a bit of stinging which was sorted out by paracetamol - it only hurts when I do foolish things like typing. The next stage is having the stitches taken out by a small, mythical creature. (You know...the sutures elf...)

So stop typing you nincompoop !

We can wait a few days/weeks for your wisdom - such as it is

Get better and then return and torment us ok?

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\

Gald to hear that the operation was a success. It would have been cool being able to see inside while the doctors were working!

Hope you'll heal quickly and well, and typing won't be as painful. We've missed your typing around here.

Hurrah your back.... Take it easy wigglin' those fingers...

Yes, just go into super lurk mode (assuming your is able to be used with the other hand) Just think of all the insider knowledge you will have once you get back in full action!

Don't respond to this by typing anything, or we will all come & spank you soundly, never mind frozen peas, you won't be able to sit down for a month!

zdt

For all you know, I might be using Dragon Dictate or something.

Nah...then I'd have said

Four awl yew no eye mite bee you sing drag on dick Tate...

You're way braver than me. I once asked a doc to show me what he was doing when he stitched up my ankle. One little prod (didn't hurt,but it looked strange) had me fainting like a girl.

phoey.

How's it going now?

Take it easy, Edward, and let your hands recover!

I watched my baby being born by Caesarian section. But it wasn't me they were cutting open.

*faints*
ewwwwwwwww

Wittgenstein insisted on a series of mirrors so he could watch an operation on himself.

Yes, but he was enough of a philosopher to know that wasn't him, that was just an image he was looking at.

Yes...I saw my wife's Caesar too (Infamy! Infamy!...). Afterwards she was quite annoyed that I had, while she was stuck behind a curtain...but that was more because our two were rushed to the ICU before she'd got a glimpse. Mind you. as Billy Connolly said 'Childbirth is a wonderful, mystical, lovely thing...but it's *not* a spectator sport!'

Actually, I'm a man of few squeams. Possibly my upbringing (my mother was a nurse) taught me to have a matter-of-fact attitude to matters of the flesh. I've still seen very few dead bodies in real life () and I'd be somewhat anxious about so doing. My wife laid out her first corpse aged 17. She was working in a care home at the time, and her duties included manipulating prolapsed colons. I imagine that if push came to shove ( again ). I'd just get on with it.

To my surprise, I watched one of the Gunther von Hagens TV dissections without flinching. It was the one where he was slicing open genitalia. Between that and my vasectomy, I didn't see a vas deferens

I disected a cadaver in Biology IV. No biggity,

I've never had the pleasure of manipulating a prolapsed colon, and it doesn't sound like something I'd want to do. (Push comes to shove, Edward? ) As for childbirth, I wouldn't even want to see my own, thank you. Watching something the size of an infant's head squeeze through something that narrow *would* make me squeamish, I'm afraid!

As someone once said - The male equivalent would be having an Action Man (US = GI Joe) extracted via the hole in the end of your penis.

Favourite ever headline from The Onion: 'Nine Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina!'


(Apart from 'Bush Twins' Federally Protected Wetlands Declared Open For Drilling')

She was a sweet undertaker's daughter/ But any cadaver could 'ave 'er

Eeeeeeew!

(And yes, that was one of the Onion's best headlines ever! )

I see you are back in fine fettle, Edward!