h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I got barred from a cafe today.

I dropped off A&S at a theatre workshop and went off with E for a day of pottering and looking at dinosaur bones. First off we stopped at nearby cafe which I often frequent when I'm in the area because they do particularly nice coffee. I ordered a coffee for me and a banana smoothie for E...and I noticed that they had 'Bacon with pancakes and maple syrup' on the menu. So I asked,
'Could I just have some pancakes and syrup?'
OK - ambiguous, I admit - but I meant *just* pancakes and maple syrup...*and no bacon*.

But a while later, she brings me pancakesandsyrupandbacon.
'Oh - I'm sorry - I meant *just* pancakes and syrup. No bacon.'
'But the menu item says it's with bacon.'
'I know. And that's why I said *just* pancakes and syrup.'

But she changed it, and I'd already decided that she was still getting a tip for efficiency (anyone can make a mistake).

Only...when I' came to pay, she charged me the full price.
'The menu item clearly lists bacon and pancakes and syrup'.
I hand over a £10 note (more than I want to pay, but still £1 short) and say:
'Well that's my final offer.'

And turn on my heel. (Well...not quite. There was some argy bargy about 'You must need that pound more than I do!')

Only...


I've left my phone on the table.



I went back later and - long story short - after an attempted lecture from the manager I had to hand over a pound in return for a phone.
'Fair enough. You've gained a pound and lost a customer.'
'No I haven't - you're barred anyway.'

Most places around here don't deduct from the cost if you ask them to admit something. If they're not going to do that, how about give me a teensy bit more of what I am getting? F'rinstance, a local sandwich place does a vegetarian sub with guacamole, radish, lettuce, onion, tomato, special sauce, cucmber, pickle, and four slices of cheese. Surely four slices of cheese comprises most of the cost of the sandwich, and it couldn't hurt to either reduce the price a bit, or slather on a bit more guac?

I'm not glad it's happened to you, but I sure do sympathise. Especially since the waitress was rather rude about it.

Well we are talking about the difference between an adult portion of a *massive* pile of bacon plus three tiny pancakes and a dribble of syrup...as against three tiny pancakes and some syrup for a child. And I wasn't going to pay £2ea for 3 x three inch diameter pancakes. If she'd added some more pancakes, I'd have gladly paid.

But. yes...if I said (something like) 'But no coriander on the dhal, please' - I'd not expect a reduction.

(Not that I'd be likely to say that, mind.)

And anyway...it wasn't even the nice-looking waitress who understands that 'White coffee' means a proper coffee with hot milk - not milky and insipid like a latte, but not pointlessly frothy like a cappuccino. It does *not* mean an americano with a wee jug of cold milk.


What *does* one have to ask for to get the kind of coffee you used to be able to get before they invented cappuccinos?

I don't know. I don't like black coffee. Nowadays I use soy milk, I used to use skim, but I use enough of it that I prefer it warmed before adding it, so the coffee doesn't wind up lukewarm. I am one of those weird people who like drinks either really hot or really cold, but not tepid or room temperature. I have to chill the a bit before drinking (which some folks argue you should anyway).

See now if I went to a cafe, and say for instance I wanted a dish that consisted of a couple of tiny pancakes and some syrup, I'd expect to be charged less than for the pancakes with bacon. If they offered a children's version of pancakes without bacon, and I were the manager there, I would have charged you for that.

I'm lucky that most places I frequent offer substitutions on at least some of their things. I don't always expect "hold the cheese" should mean "don't charge me for it", but in the case of something like a sandwich or a salad, a little extra filler might be nice.

Classic. Especially leaving the phone there!

But oh man, now I'm thinking about pancakes with maple syrup and my trip to the US last summer. I never learned to order the minimum amount they had on offer, and even that would have been more than I could have eaten...

Well...my bad expecting a British catering establishment to have some flexibility.

It reminds me of the time I met my tame Swedelish perfesser for dinner in Bristol. It was Valentines day, and the only place we could eat without a booking was our hotel...and even they had a special menu so shoved us in a corner. Now, I'd already learned that she always expects cheese after a meal:
'Sorry - we're not doing a cheeseboard tonight.'
'Do you have cheese in your kitchen?'
'Yes'
'Do you have plates?'
'Yes'
'Then put some cheese on a plate and bring it to me!'

I tell yer - you wouldn't want to cross a woman who knows how to navigate a supertanker. Her cold, blue Scandiwegian eyes bored into him like twin laser beams.

In my case, though...I accept that neither side was right. They had their point of view, and I had mine. And if I were the manager, I'd have supported the lying bitch cow of a waitress who's presumably moaned about a stroppy customer. C'est la vie.

Jack did it all first;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtfNE4z6a8

And on a side note, that diner was five miles from where I grew up, although I never visited it until after the film.

Ooh bad luck! I hate doing stuff like that: my last day in my old workplace I ended my farewell speech by denouncing this horrid, incompetent, racist, homophobic witch of a colleague.

My new job requires me to work with her on a semi-regular basis

I got asked to leave Clarks (other shoe shops are available) today. That was pretty amusing.

Yeah...they'll do that when you start licking the stilettos.

cl...I think I know the Jack scene you mean...although my laptop is temporarily ed, and with it my ewechoob audio privilges.

I'm sure the theatre of the mind brings it back-

*Yah, I want you to hold the chicken between your legs!!!*

Since going vegan two years ago I have had surprisingly pleasant experiences in cafes and restaurants. I wasn't expecting people to make something up specially for me, just to leave out the cheese or whatever, but in so many places the waiter said "I'll talk to the chef" who then produced something imaginative and way off the menu that I have been emboldened to ask "what can you do for me?"

Occasionally you get just the vegetables on the side order list, but one advantage of being vegan is that *everything* tastes better, and potatoes and carrots alone can make me drool.

I know what you mean. Whenever my boss takes me and the other department heads to lunch, the others seem so disappointed on my behalf if I have sides to choose from. I'll admit that side salad and fries is a bit disappointing, but grilled/roasted asparagus or something like that...

Roasted parsnips

In fact

The problem I found with eating out as a vegan was all the side issues (my ex was the vegan, I just cut out processed 'factory' meats). Was the fat in the chip fryer vegetable oil and had it been used in deep frying meat? Is it marg and not butter? Are there any milk products used? Any egg products? Was the wine filtered with charcoal from animal bones?
I found the whole thing to be more work than I'd be willing to put up with- just in ordering!

When I was a vegetarian living in Germany in the 80s I used to order everything - without meat. Without any ham of any description.

And invariably it came with ham or bits of bacon or whatever.

It's a lot better now - but being Vegan would probably flummox them completely.

Roasted parsnips we can almost never get them here.

Scene from Greek restaurant in Delphi:

Are the stuffed peppers vegetarian?

Yes.

(later)

I thought you said the stuffed peppers were vegetarian.

They are. There's no meat in them.

What's that then?

Oh... we'll check with the chef.

(later)

The chef decided to put meat in them today.

can I at that? Been there so many times it's not funny.

Now I'm a born again meat eater my biggest problem is ordering my steak how I want it and not how everyone thinks i should eat it.

I don't have too many problems eating out, except for departmental lunches for work. And that's just because people tend to pick steakhouses. Otherwise, I've found lots of places that have separate vegetarian dishes or menus (as well as some entirely vegetarian places), and others are extremely accommodating. You'd think a high-end steakhouse would have at least one veggie-friendly option, though.

I've only been barred from one establishment in my entire life; years ago I used to frequent a neighborhood bar because a friend worked there. When my ex and I split up, I went in on my own, and the bartender refused to serve me.

Oh, and one time I got bounced during a game of pool, when I scratched so hard I broke the cue.